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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some people just aren't suited or able to hold down a full time job?

177 replies

differentstrokes16 · 04/09/2016 16:20

I'm one of those people, sadly. Unemployable in terms of not able to last in a full time job. I have an autoimmune disorder, chronic fatigue and mental health issues. I work for myself now, take rest when I need to. Lack of adequate rest makes me feel like absolute shit and triggers my anxiety problems, and when prolonged I develop depression. I can't manage the expected hours of a full time job and take care of cooking and basic laundry. I don't even have kids to look after. This all makes me feel unbelievably pathetic.

So I work for myself, but am always skint and running out of savings. I'm at a bit of a loss to know what to do. There must be others in similar situations, who aren't able to work full time? What do they do? What's a good solution?

OP posts:
yorkshapudding · 04/09/2016 18:40

There's a difference between being too unwell to work full time and just "not being suited" to full time work. The former is pretty black and white, you are either well enough to drag yourself in to work and get through the day or you're not. If you're not well enough to work full time then thats out of your control and in my opinion there should be systems in place (flexible working, ability to work from home, government support etc) to make life easier.

But to say someone "isn't suited" to working full time is another thing altogether. It sounds more like a choice. I could decide that I'm "not suited" to full time work because I find it tiring, stressful and struggle to keep all the plates (housework, kids, caring for elderly relatives, trying some semblance of a social life) spinning but that doesn't mean I can't do it. It just means I don't like it. I'm sure all of us who work full time have felt, at one time or another that it didn't suit us.

For me personally, I have generalised anxiety disorder, IBS and endometriosis. All relapsing and remitting illnesses that can flare up unpredictably, and seem to be exacerbated by stress and tiredness and so can be an absolute nightmare to combine with work. I chose to manage this by swapping a very responsible, high pressure and emotionally intense part time job for a significantly less stressful but full time (term time only) job. It's still hard but it was the best option for me as not working was not financially feasible.

Original poster
differentstrokes16 · 04/09/2016 18:40

TalkinPeace, maybe it's you needs to get a life since you've missed the entire point of the whole thread by a long chalk?

The point of my thread was no I have not yet succeeded in making part time work for me. I was wondering aloud whether there must be a way forward, I am clinging on to trying to make my way work and better myself economically.

Love how I'm the one being called aggressive when somebody has actually called me a fucking bitch.

OP posts:
TaIkinPeace · 04/09/2016 18:41

I met Bert Massie once - insiprational man. Look him up if you do not know.

Gottagetmoving · 04/09/2016 18:41

You can feel sick of me saying it's either me work or not be able to eat, but it's the truth. I often get through work by taking codeine, having had no sleep, and rushing off to the toilet when the diarrhoea hits. This is my truth, and it's no less valid than yours

You shouldn't have to do that! If it was that bad you could take sick leave. Yes, you may have a struggle with finances but you would have to make lifestyle changes. Many people have to do so.
You could still eat...you just may have to give up other things.
You are choosing to struggle rather than have less money. The outcome of that may be very detrimental to your physical and mental health
Your choice though. We do what we think is best.

OP was getting frustrated because despite her explaining her position clearly, she is not being listened to properly, which is obvious from some responses.

minifingerz · 04/09/2016 18:43

I agree OP.

Unfortunately there are quite a few people out there who would like to see a return to the days when having poor health meant an early death from cold and hunger.

Original poster
differentstrokes16 · 04/09/2016 18:45

Ophelia - I don't have a poor me attitude, you are projecting. I am sorry for your sister's condition, that sounds horrendous and very painful.

The reality is she is lucky to have an employer like that. I lost my job for needing time off for appointments I could not miss. By rights I should probably have pursued unfair dismissal but I had a complete breakdown after the whole nightmare with that company, and needed antidepressants to get my head back together, to be able to cope with just everyday life.

I don't discuss this with anyone except my counseller. I am VERY grateful for my life and for the work I do get to do. I make plans and try my best to solve problems.

Howver I experience bouts of frustration that I cannot work full time in a usual fashion.

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 04/09/2016 18:46

bibbity feign innocence all you want. Your posts to OP were needlessly aggressive and unkind.

So, Yanbu

Happy now?

If that isn't sarky, I don't know what is.

TaIkinPeace · 04/09/2016 18:48

different
Please do not swear at me. It does not help your case.
You started a goady thread and are goading.
I've met more DRC commissioners and campaigners than you've had hot dinners.
I also know that there is a difference between those who lean on their disability and those who rise above it.

It is good and appropriate that the UK and other civilised countries support those who need support.
But it is also appropriate that they expect people to show initiative and resilience.

Perform to your limits, stretch those limits, do not compare yourself with those who do not have the same constraints

Waltermittythesequel · 04/09/2016 18:52

Talkin

She didn't swear at you.

Are you getting a kick out of this?

Nobody else thinks this is goady. Just you.

Do you want a medal for implying that OP is 'leaning on her ability'?

Original poster
differentstrokes16 · 04/09/2016 18:53

Talkinpeace I have not sworn at you? What do you mean? Confused

I made a reference to the fact another poster called me a "fucking bitch", as a separate item of my post. I was not calling you anything!

OP posts:
Thingsthatmakeugoummmm · 04/09/2016 18:54

I don't think your attitude is helping at all! U are rude and aggressive to anyone who is good enough to take time to reply and make suggestions unless they agree with u!! I have multi complex conditions and work full time. I'm not going to share how I make it work to be informed that this is great for me!

Grow up!

Vintagegirl1 · 04/09/2016 18:55

Yanbu op and ignore the unkind posters. They will argue black is white on here just for the sake of it. I have a thread in relationships where I had some similiar posters who seemed unable to grasp my financially and emotionally abusive dh will not stop being abusive by me getting a job. He will still expect me to pay/deal with all the childcare,housework etc. Full time is not for everyone and people who compromise their health for the sake of money are,at best,misguided.

Original poster
differentstrokes16 · 04/09/2016 19:00

Thank you to the posters who understand where I'm coming from.

Honestly, if I was chatting with real live people who are coming out with some of the responses here - it would be total gaslighting. The amount of willful misinterpretation, and people trying to put words in my mouth, is shocking.

It doesn't really matter on here as it's just an internet forum, but I seriously hope some of you aren't manipulating conversations like this in real life, with people who happen to be in a vulnerable space. Some of you need to take an honest look at yourselves.

It's fascinating but sinister!

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 04/09/2016 19:02

I find the lack of empathy from posters who supposedly suffer chronic illnesses truly bizarre.

Gottagetmoving · 04/09/2016 19:06

Differentstrokes It's not difficult to understand your posts. It's strange that some just can't get your point.
It's also not aggression from you that's coming across. It's frustration..
I would just ignore the posts attacking you. Maybe they think they were being helpful and not realising they ha totally mssed the point.

WorraLiberty · 04/09/2016 19:06

OP, haven't you started a thread asking this exact same question before?

TheCuriousOwl · 04/09/2016 19:10

OP I think you've been given an unfairly hard time by the 'suck it up' brigade.

I think what you're really asking is, AIBU to think that things (life, work, society's opinions of people) should be more flexible to accommodate those who are unable to work full time for medical reasons?

Because it's not as simple as 'get a part time job'. We've seen even on this thread the attitudes of people towards those who can't do REGULAR work, who can't just take on 20 hours a week because of the erratic nature of their conditions, that if you can't do part time permanent or just push through your debilitating conditions so as not to inconvenience anyone else, that you are the one being the problem...

Smartleatherbag · 04/09/2016 19:16

Hi op. Sounds like you are doing all you can. You're not feeling 100 percent so you shouldn't push yourself to be superwoman. Some people make martyrs of themselves. They're usually a pain in the arse. Do what you can manage and be nice to yourself.

Doggity · 04/09/2016 19:24

It seems like some people are just using this thread to wind up the OP.

Cameforarant22 · 04/09/2016 19:24

I have 2 auto immune diseases, a very challenging DD and work full time. Yanbu to say you can't, if you can afford not to fair enough, in an ideal world I'd work 3-4 days a week but my outgoings are a push so I just can't afford it. Im fucking exhausted and feel like shit most of the time but I live for the weekend (with the rest of the nation I expect!).
Is your job physical all day? As surely your blood sugar levels would be the same at home unless they don't allow you adequate breaks? I found my years working in schools blissful (I'm not a teacher so didn't have work to plan/complete at home) as you know every 6-8 weeks you have at least a week off, I miss that!

cpthen · 04/09/2016 19:30

Can I just ask what work you do op? Smile

I'm just interested.

I work full time in a hospital and working ft there is very different than my sister who works full time in management.

BigTroubleInLittleChina · 04/09/2016 19:32

I completely agree with you OP. I work p/t and do push myself only to crash after a few weeks so its not worth it. Its easy when you have good health and lots of support - not everyone has.

The OP came on asking for support and discussion. Its a shame some people hang about, trying to derail, having a go about the thread title, the topic blah blah then criticise the OP when she gets frustrated.

PerpendicularVincent · 04/09/2016 19:40

I couldn't Gotta. There are a variety of reasons not relevant to the OP's thread that mean that financially, I have to work full time.

Sick leave not possible unfortunately as a) I manage a very difficult department and b) if you have 5 days sick in a year the company may put you through a disciplinary.

It's shit I know, but I have no choice.

Gottagetmoving · 04/09/2016 19:50

I couldn't Gotta. There are a variety of reasons not relevant to the OP's thread that mean that financially, I have to work full time.Sick leave not possible unfortunately as a) I manage a very difficult department and b) if you have 5 days sick in a year the company may put you through a disciplinary. It's shit I know, but I have no choice

Any company who punishes an employee for genuine sickness is not worth working for. The situation is ridiculous.
People accept this disgusting policy and more is the pity we have fallen away from being in a Union to stop this ridiculous policy.
You think you have no choice now..but you may have no choice BUT to be off sick I you are not allowed to take care of your well being.
This would have been unheard of 40 years ago. We are going backwards to the early 1900s.

Waltermittythesequel · 04/09/2016 19:56

Isn't that the point though?

You can physically work, even if it's hard sometimes.

Some people cannot do it.