To think some people just aren't suited or able to hold down a full time job?

[differentstrokes16]

I'm one of those people, sadly. Unemployable in terms of not able to last in a full time job. I have an autoimmune disorder, chronic fatigue and mental health issues. I work for myself now, take rest when I need to. Lack of adequate rest makes me feel like absolute shit and triggers my anxiety problems, and when prolonged I develop depression. I can't manage the expected hours of a full time job and take care of cooking and basic laundry. I don't even have kids to look after. This all makes me feel unbelievably pathetic.

So I work for myself, but am always skint and running out of savings. I'm at a bit of a loss to know what to do. There must be others in similar situations, who aren't able to work full time? What do they do? What's a good solution?

I've only skimmed the thread but from what you've said differentstrokes, I can imagine it is very difficult to work full time with all your issues :( I agree with others, get some advice with what you are entitled to.

I really can't be bothered to respond to the narrow minded dickheads on here. They have absolutely no imagination and lack empathy to such a degree. You know life isn't a competition and if people stopped being so insular and self obsessed and started being kinder to one another there might be less unrest for all of us.

I completely agree Gotta, which is why I'm looking for another job. I'm not sticking around to be treated badly. The sick leave policy is one of a number of issues.

Have read the whole thread. Disgusted with the attacks on OP. It is enough to make the mind boggle.

It's obvious why OP started the thread, isn't it? It's because she's fed up and wonders if others have the same frustrations with the prevailing attitude to work culture. She was asking for views on that NOT on how ill she is and whether you're more ill and still cope. FFS.

I am constantly baffled by the people who wade in with a full-blown attack or a bitchy comment and then go all wide-eyed with feigned shock, saying "But I thought you wanted opinions? " Those are the people who need to grow up.

I am v fortunate not to suffer as OP does. But I have sufficient imagination to get what she is saying.

If someone came on a forum and said "I am deaf and find participating in normal conversation too hard. How do others feel about/cope with this?" I'm guessing all the hardened 'suck-it-uppers' might even pause for a moment before telling her to 'get on with it'. Why is this so different? If you can't do something, you can't do it. Doesn't matter how many goady fuckers can do it.

Thank you everyone, really appreciate the discussion on it.

No, I have not started a thread on this before as someone asked a few posts ago.

My blood sugar does swing up and down if I am working at home, just the same as in an office, but the thing is I can deal with it properly - check it on my meter, take insulin, accept that my concentration simply won't work until it has come down, drink lots of water, pee as much as I like, take my eyes away from the screen if I have a headache, lie down, et cetra. Check it one hour later. Work odd hours - so if I have a shitty day, but have enough energy I can work into the evening. A lot of flexibility that doesn't really exist in a lot of jobs. I can go to all my appointments, of which there are many (!) without having to get permission from an employer.

My old employer was a very nice person but quickly became resentful of the fact I was so compromised by my health. She had a department to run, with policies on illness that just didn't work with my numerous hospital appointments, and the longer I tried to push on the sicker I got. So then I started missing days. I can see her point, she was under pressure to keep targets, but I couldn't give what I didn't have.

That's just an example. I don't want to give too many details of other things I'm juggling, because I do feel that might be recognisable then.

They would be dead AND blind and still work 23 hours a day no doubt.

I do NOT think unfortunately you are going to get much support or validation from this thread

And the U.K. Work culture is a bit fucked - we need to go scandi style

Just adding my thoughts.

You love with a chronic health problem and find that makes it very difficult for you to work full time.

YANBU

Others have waded in with their "I manage it despite X, y or z illness". And my only response to that is everyone is different. What is too much to cope with for one person will not be for another as their body might deal with their illness differently. They may have a higher pain threshold, tolerance level for discomfort etc.

YANBU

I completely agree Gotta, which is why I'm looking for another job. I'm not sticking around to be treated badly. The sick leave policy is one of a number of issues

Good for you. Good luck. I hope you get a job where you are respected.

Seriously, stop giving a shit what other people think.

Do what's right for you, your health and your situation. Nothing else matters.

There is a horrible zone to be in - too sick to cope well with full time work, too well (or intermittently too well) for much state help.

Life is very difficult in that zone.

A couple of things can help - making sure you're getting everything you're entitled too, an understanding employer, a job that is as suitable as possible, help from family/friends etc

yello exactly. I mean, I have recently received a diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome, to get the diagnosis a psychiatrist has assessed me as having deficits in the way I interact and communicate with people (amongst other things).

However, I had a short conversation with a PIP 'advisor' and the powers that be have extrapolated that to mean I can interact socially to a reasonable standard the majority of the time...

OP, my husband spent his life working hard, from the age of 16yrs old. He really was a workaholic and I worked 60hr weeks. When he was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he didn't lie on his death bed wishing he had worked harder, he talked to me about the things, other than work, that we did together. He also lamented the things he hadn't had an opportunity to do.

Don't work yourself into an early grave. Well done to all those that prefer to work, but after my husband died, I didn't go back to work and I now work for myself. Financially I'm not as well off, but I can spend time with my kids and have a coffee when I want one. Or have a rest, because I'm struggling, that day, with my mental health. Good luck for the future, OP.

Thanks Gotta, it's pretty awful at the moment

PerpendicularVincent

I don't think people were meaning to imply that the OP wasn't trying hard enough, but when she listed things as reasons not to be able to work in a workplace, full-time, and others contend with similar conditions plus children, commutes, etc., they then felt the need to point out that they don't do so through choice and it costs them dearly in physical terms. Unfortunately, it all sounds like a judgement from both sides.

I work 23 hours per week now. I have 3 children, one with SN and one with no dx but has ASD traits and requires a lot of emotional support. As I said upthread, I suffer from chronic debilitating migraines and take daily meds to prevent & manage, 3 monthly botox, rescue meds.

Work is a double edged sword. I get anxious twice a month because my migraines have a strong hormone link and so I know that if I'm scheduled to work at certain times a migraine is almost inevitable. If a migraine hits at work, all I can do is take my meds and tell my manager that I have a migraine so they know to keep an eye on my work. So work is a stress, but actually it gives me far more than it takes, so it's worth it.

Not everyone can or should work full time. Some people are lucky enough to get part or flexitime when asking. I know a couple who even job share. Mostly people are self employed though which has pros in setting your own hours but cons in that you may not earn enough

I'm not sure what the answer is though. Either people increase their hours or raise their hourly rate to earn more. Or supplement by selling things online

People can only do what they can do.

I get you, op.

Being chronically ill I'm very used to people saying that their sister's boyfriend's auntie had that and they work 1600 hours and they're fine. And they just get on with it.

That's always the phrase that comes up. Those who just get on with it.

There was even an advert a few years back about some painkiller or other and the tagline was 'for those who just get on with it', so by implication those who have to stop because of their pain are lesser. Weaker. Rubbisher.

Sometimes, you just cannot 'get on with it.' sometimes you can't do it even if it means the difference between eating and starving. Sometimes you are simply too ill.

My condition is fluctuating which means no employer will go near me. I'm too flaky, liable to go off sick at the drop of a hat and take to bed for weeks at a time. I'm lucky enough to have found some self employed work I'm doing and trying to build up in marketing and writing but not everyone can.

There will always be stories about how someone else managed to. And that's great. It's to be celebrated. But not when it's shared with the implication that it means you should too. Everyone's circumstance is different.

I wish we could remember that. That we could live and let live and stop worrying about what others are doing. Only we know if we are doing all we can do. Let it all go over your head, op - don't let it get to you. Be proud of the small things you do which are huge for you even if tiny for others.

Life's not all about work. I think the scandi model is worth a look and different patterns would be good. So many sick and disabled folk have much to offer but just don't get the chance because they can't work in a conventional full time nine to five. I wish things would change.

op. I get you.

some people's body can manage with an illness, some can't. that is life. does not make some people better people jsut becauser they can do more. just that people are different. Your worth is not in the amount of work you do, life is more than the amount of work you do. you are more than your job. your job does not define you. your kindness, understanding, compassion, love relationships etc are more important than the amount of work you do.

be nice to yourself. stop beating yourself up about it. stop listening to those people who say if only you could try a little harder... or like madhair says, those who know sister's boyfriend's aunt...

what is the good of owning lots of possessions if you die trying to work more than your body says it can.

Op I agree with you I have an underlying illness that has in the past caused long periods of sickness I have pushed myself after every episode to go back to full time work and it works for a couple of years then I burn out. Ive just cut my hours to 18.5 I felt guilty at first but it's was the right thing to do especially as I now need to keep really well as I will be a mum in December. Work life balance is really important I wish Id made this decision 5 years ago

OP I totally relate to your predicament and how things are work-wise. I find it bizarre that constructive employment is viewed in such a binary manner (hope that's the right phrase!)

The dire lack of imagination from employers and the culture of presenteeism, coupled with low wages and often long commutes means that anyone with a responsibility outside of work or even anyone who seeks work/life balance will generally find it much harder to fit in, be accepted as a competent employee.

I have worked ft/pt/evenings/not worked since becoming a parent. I have worked for utter bastards who treat everyone like robots. Ive had enough. If recruiters cant/wont acknowledge my skills (I do have a few!!) and attitude, then I'm going to set up on my own and try to be the change I so desperately want, myself.

(I have an Auto-immune condition, Generalised Anxiety Disorder, IBS, reactive depression brought on by years of unrelenting stress)

I've not read the full thread, but I agree with you OP. I've tried many things, still feeling like a square peg.
It makes me feel useless. Have you tried walking dogs? That seems like the only thing I can do! I'm knackered, not making as much money as I could be, but it feels like something I can manage most of the time!

I can't work in 9-5 office based sitting at a desk job doing the same thing day in, day out (ADHD). I've just left my third job in 12 months for that reason.

I need to be somewhere fast paced, constantly changing, very challenging and high pressure manual environment. YANBU OP, not everyone fits into the nice round hole of able or happy to work the 9-5 grind. Square pegs unite!

There are absolutely some people who are not suitable for full time or part time employment.

Some of those people are suited to self employment - I am, I work around my disabilities and crap health, struggle on bugger all money, get by.. if I live long enough to get to pension age... I won't get one, but I likely won't live that long anyway.

Some of them are not even suited to that, and frankly I think it would be far cheaper, far less stressful, to accept that this is a fact, some people will not ever be employable, and deal with it, than to continue on as we are now.

The general attitude towards work and the work/life balance, I think stinks, it really does!

I also have an autoimmune condition, plus CFS. Right now in life I'd rather be a SAHP and battle on like a mofo through the bad days.

Most of the time I am fortunate to be very active, healthy and well. I put a huge emphasis on diet and supplements, working out, being active and fun with my children, etc but even so, there are days much like today, when this afternoon I could hardly move and had to spend a few hours in bed. Luckily I do have a very understanding husband. And I still feel tremendously lucky with my lot, as many people with autoimmunity are in a terrible state and are incapable of doing half the things that I do.