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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have immediately replied to this text?

287 replies

Applesandpears86 · 02/09/2016 21:57

I live just down the road from one of my closer friends. She doesn't drive and we live about 3 miles from our city centre (about a 10 min drive because of traffic).

This evening I was finishing work when I got a text from her asking if I would give her and her friend a lift into town 'to save money on us paying for a cab.'

I have a 50 mile commute and happened to be coming out of a meeting in a city 70 miles away when I got the text. Needless to say I didn't reply as I just wanted to get home.

I've just received another sarcastic message telling me not to worry as she decided to fork out for the taxi in the end 'but thanks for the response'.

AIBU to think this was bloody cheeky in the first place and to therefore not have been so arsed about responding?!

OP posts:
CafeCremeEtCroissant · 05/09/2016 08:04

I'm with those that don't see the problem with the original request. I'd drop a friend into town to save them a taxi fare, no problem. I occasionally pick people up after they've had a night out, but mostly if it's prearranged & for a special occasion.

I agree 3 miles isn't far to walk into town, but it's a long way if they're wearing heals.

I also don't feel my friends aren't allowed a night out with other friends without inviting me.

I would have replied to her text before setting off - it takes 2 seconds, it's polite.

However, her second text is not one my friends would send, which is why we are friends & willingly do stuff for each other when we can. She sounds like a stroppy little sister! I'd either treat her as such & get her told, or if you're not that close really just let the friendship go.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/09/2016 08:22

cafe your in the minority, it is very cheeky request, what about op time and petrol.

CodyKing · 05/09/2016 08:28

I'm with those that don't see the problem with the original request

nor me - if it was from a child - one of my own!!!

hks · 05/09/2016 08:48

my Sill is a bit like that if you dont answer immediately her next text will be Don't Bother ! Very Rude and obviously think your her personal taxi service

heron98 · 05/09/2016 09:00

What a cheeky cow! I live 3 miles from the city centre and although I have a car I would never drive there as it's a right palava on the one way system. I get the bus, cycle or walk. She can do the same!

BertrandRussell · 05/09/2016 09:13

I still don't get why a friend asking another friend for a lift is such a massive deal. Obviously the later text was incredibly rude, but I just don't see why the first one was. Or why "needless to say" the OP didn't reply, when "sorry, not at home" or something like that would have taken 2 seconds.

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery · 05/09/2016 10:39

BertrandRussell it's the 'so I don't have to pay for a taxi' that's the big deal.

The op wasn't invited on the trip but she is invited to save them some cash then fuck off back home.

That's rude.

If the OP had been invited it's a different story or if the OP had been asked with 'I'll get you a coffee/cake a thank you' that would've been ok too.

The OP would know she was appreciated for helping them out.

the arsey response just confirmed the friend is a cheeky cow and only wanted the op for her car not her friendship.

BertrandRussell · 05/09/2016 10:45

Really?

Oh well, you live and learn. I'll try to be offended more often. It'll be a bit difficult because I like my friends...........

BertrandRussell · 05/09/2016 10:47

I do think people have completely invented the OP not being invited thing. She never mentioned it.

PuppyMonkey · 05/09/2016 10:51

Do you know, In all my days (and I'm an old gimmer) I can honestly say I've never ONCE had a friend text and ask me to come and give them a lift somewhere. Have I got weird friends? Confused

MyKingdomForBrie · 05/09/2016 10:54

Well presumably your friends are genuine friends Bertrand. As you can clearly tell from the second text this woman is not a good friend to OP and I'm sure this is not the first time that us shown itself. I'm sure in your friendships there is give and take and you are happy for a chance to give in your turn. You can't apply your feelings to this situation as if it is the same - the info so far suggests it is not the same. OPs friend sounds disrespectful and a bit of a user.

BertrandRussell · 05/09/2016 10:56

I suppose it depends where you live.

pictish · 05/09/2016 10:57

Bert it has been explained to you plainly and agreed with by others. Sometimes you don't feel compelled to sit and type out a text...yes, even a short one. Sometimes you think sod that, I'm going home, I'll deal with that later. As is your prerogative! There's nothing to understand about it. It is what it is.

And while I can understand that some friendships can and will have a casual, every day swapping of trivial favours dynamic, most don't. The majority of us would be taken aback by a text from a friend asking us to drive them and their friend three miles into town for a night out we weren't involved in, to save her the cab fare. Most of us would think that particular venture was none of our concern and would be baffled by the initial request, never mind the arsey follow up!
There's not an awful lot to chew on about that either.

PuppyMonkey · 05/09/2016 10:58

Well I live slightly in the arse end of nowhere tbh. Buses once an hour - none on a Sunday.

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery · 05/09/2016 10:58

The op wrote

It wouldn't cross my mind to ask my friends to give me a lift to a night out they weren't invited on to save me a cab fare

This Implies she wasn't invited and only asked to provide a free taxi.

YelloDraw · 05/09/2016 11:00

Sometimes you don't feel compelled to sit and type out a text...yes, even a short one. Sometimes you think sod that, I'm going home, I'll deal with that later. As is your prerogative! There's nothing to understand about it. It is what it is.

The whole point of texts is you can choose when to rely to them! Not like a phone call that demands an immediate response.

OP you were so in the right. I'd be tempted ot reply back "wow, what's up with you? I was busy when you sent the text. No need to be rude to me, especially since you were asking for a huge favor in the first place!"

Delatron · 05/09/2016 11:02

Of course OP didn't need to reply. It was a cheeky text. So she should have sat there composing a reply instead of setting off asap on her long journey home? Ridiculous. It is cheeky and presumptuous asking for lift, especially as she has form. OP does not need to justify where she is/why she hadn't replied to cheeky, demanding text.

I despair at the way society is developing with everyone being constantly available and expected to answer text messages and phone calls immediately the whole time. She could have been driving.

OP, I would back off from this 'friend'.

GabsAlot · 05/09/2016 11:12

bert do u not want to give me a lift then i did ask about 2 days ago

BertrandRussell · 05/09/2016 11:12

Ohhhhhh! Is this one of those things? Like not answering your own doorbell? I understand now! Well, I don't, but i see why people are getting so ariated about it. It's another manifestation of "my little family" syndrome. I don't think I'm culturally or psychologically capable of understanding that particular mindset.

BertrandRussell · 05/09/2016 11:14

"bert do u not want to give me a lift then i did ask about 2 days ago"

If it caused me no particular inconvenience and I felt like it, then of course I'd give you a lift, why wouldn't I?

pictish · 05/09/2016 11:17

What do you mean Bert?
It's a) being tired and b) not being a taxi service.
My little family...what?

BarbaraofSeville · 05/09/2016 11:23

What is it with all this texting when a phone call would be the most appropriate method to ask the question?

Is it because they know the question is beyond cheeky and can't ask on the phone? And also the fact that you don't know if the other party can respond straight away. They could be in a meeting, driving etc etc.

I'm constantly astonished about the content of some of the conversations people on here describe having by text. If you can't say it in a phone call, you shouldn't be doing it by text. Just rude. Also putting it in writing means that it can be shown to other people, forwarded on etc and risks making you look like a tit, or worse.

GDarling · 05/09/2016 11:28

It's like she is expecting you to ferry her around!
Honestly.. Don't get into these situations in the future, it never turns out that you are the kind/thoughtful one.
Get new friends that don't keep asking for favours, unless it's a 2 way silent agreement, chose carefully.
I bet she will be on the phone shortly to ask for another 'Favour'.
If you must answer her text, just say 'No, re last text from you' and leave it at that.
You are obviously the only 'Mug' that she gets away with asking!!

Endofsummer · 05/09/2016 11:30

If you could have texted back, i.e. Not driving, then a response to say 'No' would have been good so that they knew where they stood.

However, as this 'friend' was so rude in asking 'to save money' and then berated you, they don't deserve anything from you. In fact, I'd cut them off.

Lorelei76 · 05/09/2016 11:32

Barbara "What is it with all this texting when a phone call would be the most appropriate method to ask the question?"

I prefer people text about anything - it's less intrusive. My mum complains about this though - she says "no one wants to phone, they want to email or text" - while I think "thank goodness for that".

if I am arranging a chat with friends - as in a proper one, e.g hour or more - we fix a time by text or email.