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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be jealous of those who are far better off

100 replies

brasty · 30/08/2016 17:11

Yes I know comparison is the thief of joy. But I don't know how to stop being jealous of those who are much better off financially. I am going to have to work till 67, and some friends are already talking in their 50s about retiring early. I would love to do this. So how do I stop being jealous?

OP posts:
humblesims · 30/08/2016 17:13

Look the other way and consider those that will never come close to the luxury that you enjoy.

Honeyandfizz · 30/08/2016 17:14

I try and not look at what I haven't got but what I have.

barnet · 30/08/2016 17:14

Compare yourself to a refugee who has fled her country and is in limbo land, who has no control of what will happen to her or her children tomorrow, let alone when she is 67.

ErgonomicallyUnsound · 30/08/2016 17:15

It's the grass is always greener thing though, isn't it?

I am really not jealous of anyone, becuase you just never know what's going on in their lives. So for the person that retires early, I would ask how arseing bored would I be? For the person with the big house, either how many bathrooms do they have to clean or people to employ who they then have the hassle of managing. For the person who looks perfect, how much time goes into that and when do they chow down on an Indian and a hottle of wine? etc etc

Original poster
brasty · 30/08/2016 17:17

I know what is going on with their lives. And I would love to be retired and spend much more time on my hobbies. But I know I am way better off than a lot of people.

OP posts:
KondosSecretJunkRoom · 30/08/2016 17:18

Just revel in the jealousy until it acquires such dramatic hysteria that it generates its own comic value?

I don't know but it has to be better than looking at poor people and feeling relieved.

SandyY2K · 30/08/2016 17:20

Everyone has a different life and being jealous is pointless. I was watching the millionaire gay dads yesterday and their son got a Porsche costing £110, 000 for his 16th birthday. They said a £500 dress was such a bargain.

You'll always come across people better off than you.

I always bear in mind that many people in the world are much worse if than me and remain grateful for my family and all thst I have in life. I've a very close family and my DCs have their cousins to interact with. Our extended family mert up regularly to socialise and those things are something all the money in the world cannot buy.

Original poster
brasty · 30/08/2016 17:21

I never feel jealous of possessions, they are just things. But having money so you can stay at home with your kids, or retire early, is totally different. That is a quality of life issue. I guess made worse by the fact that do and I both have inherited conditions which means it is unlikely we will live a long life. But I need to get over it, becaus I can't change things.

OP posts:
manyathingyouknow · 30/08/2016 17:22

brasty your honesty is refreshing and I know how you feel. I think most people, if they're truly honest, has felt jealous of someone at one point or another. You just need to live with it....it's life!

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 30/08/2016 17:22

Grin at KondosSecretJunkRoom

I don't think its necessary to stop being jealous. Its a perfectly natural emotion.

Just sit with the feeling a bit and move on.

manyathingyouknow · 30/08/2016 17:22

Have just seen your post about inherited conditions...Flowers

Original poster
brasty · 30/08/2016 17:25

Yeah I think it is made worse at the moment as just spent day with some very well off friends who told us all about their plans for early retirement and what they are going to do. They are very active people, so will not be bored, but will be very busy doing things they love

OP posts:
MsMermaid · 30/08/2016 17:34

I'm jeaolus of some of my colleagues tbh. There are 3 of them in particular who are all late 40s/early 50s and often talk about when they will retire, which is soon. They've had very different lives to me, buying houses at the right time and making tons of money from them, marrying a much wealthier husband not difficult, mine doesn't make a lot , having kids later after they've made their money or not having kids at all, etc. I sometimes look at their lives and feel envious of their freedoms, like being able to go on fabulous holidays every year, working part time, spending time and money on their hobbies.

Then I think about my own life, and honestly, I've got enough. Yes, I'll be working til at least my mid 60s, but my mum did that too. Yes, I'll be spending the next 5-10 years holidaying in the uk, but we do get a holiday every year and always enjoy them. No, my house will never be as nice as theirs, but it's ours and we like it (and it's close to the shops and dds' schools.

Do you like your own life? Is there anything you can do to improve your life if there are bits that are getting you down?

Original poster
brasty · 30/08/2016 17:38

I have a lovely house and go on nice holidays. The only thing I would change in my life is being able to do my hobbies full time. And no, I can't get a job doing it. Which is why I guess I am jealous of early retirement. My dp doesn't earn loads, but loves their job. So isn't jealous. My job is fine, but it is my hobby that is my passion.

OP posts:
Original poster
brasty · 30/08/2016 17:43

Yeah I just need to learn to live with it. Especially as my friends are all about the same age and our parents bare starting to die. Whilst dp and I will inherit nothing, some fiends are going to be very well off.

OP posts:
bumpetybumpbumpbump · 30/08/2016 17:49

Can you drop a day at work and downsize your holiday or home? Then concentrate on your hobbies a bit more. It's so so hard but focus on your life /such a waste of your energy and thoughts considering other people's lives

Binkybix · 30/08/2016 17:49

I know what you mean! Lots of my friends will inherit loads or have been given loads by parents and have so many more choices and freedoms.

We do quite well, but we have earnt all of our money, but no way can 'compete' with friends who have rich families.

I try not to think about it though, because it just makes me unhappy and ungrateful for what I do have.

Astoria797 · 30/08/2016 17:51

If it makes you feel better, my generation (mid thirties) will never be able to retire.

Original poster
brasty · 30/08/2016 17:53

Yes both dp and I come from very poor backgrounds. Think shameless. So I know our life is way better than we ever thought it could be as kids. But that means we have friends who either earn more, or get loads of help we never will. My dp probably has the right attitude. Dp just talk about being proud of what we have achieved with no help from anyone, except free schooling.

OP posts:
BoffinMum · 30/08/2016 17:53

I lived a former life where we were loaded and quite frankly I barely miss it. People look at you funny when they realise where you live, who you are, etc. I do miss free upgrades and lavish gift hampers though. Grin

Horsegirl1 · 30/08/2016 17:54

Having money doesn't necessarily mean your life is better or happier. Il be honest we have no financial worries ,live in a beautiful big house in the country and own a lot of land . I am terribly sad having lost my dad to cancer and me and dh are also arguing because I'm so angry all the time at losing dad. Having money means nothing. Family is what's important

Horsegirl1 · 30/08/2016 17:55

My dh works incredibly hard for all we have BTW. Nothing has been handed to us. We started with nothing but dh has worked worked worked and it's paid off

Xmasbaby11 · 30/08/2016 17:57

I know what you mean. Most of my friends seem to be very lucky or have made better choices which mean they will retire early or work part time on a long term basis. I don't have any answers - I try not to think about it too much.

Original poster
brasty · 30/08/2016 17:58

Except horse girl, we all lose our parents. My mum is not well and I will be devastated when she is gone. That happens whether you are rich or poor.
A fancy house doesn't matter so much. Choices do. And money gives you that

OP posts:
TheHubblesWindscreenWipers · 30/08/2016 17:58

I think you never really know what's going on behind perfect veneers. I know a few couple who look like the kind of glossy perfect types you're envious of. One is the most dysfunctional family you could imagine, but they hide it very well. At least two husbands are having affairs. One I suspect her husband is physically, sexually and financially abusive.

What is it they say? It's better to want what you have then have what you want. You have a house and a happy marriage- that's huge.
Do you think as well you're struggling to deal with the implications of the health conditions you have and are perhaps displacing this onto envy of others?