To be jealous of those who are far better off

[brasty]

Yes I know comparison is the thief of joy. But I don't know how to stop being jealous of those who are much better off financially. I am going to have to work till 67, and some friends are already talking in their 50s about retiring early. I would love to do this. So how do I stop being jealous?

They say don't they that once you have 'enough' as in what user describes, more mi et doesn't make you happy.

Retirement and and empty void does not appeal to many.

My worst nightmare would be winning millions in the lottery,

And expat yes I know, I get that

I am not jealous of nice houses or the material things....well maybe posh holidays abroad but i am jealous of the ability to pay the bills and not have to think about it.

I have a nice home and a wonderful family but every month i have to think about paying for it all. Dont get me wrong i manage but i would love to not have to think about each bill. To just pay them and have enough left to buy a few clothes, days out/treats for DC and buy things for my home.

I work with the public who have a lot less than me some are way under the poverty line so i know my financial position is a good one. Which makes me feel guilty about feeling jealous.

If you sleep 8 hours a night there are still 16 Nouri available in a day .if you work 8 of those, there are still 8 hours left for you to play with,

Hours obv..

The only time you should look into your neighbours bowl is to make sure they have enough, not to check if they are getting more than you

I couldn't think of a more miserable existence than retiring early

Wow thats a total lack of imagination! I'd love to retire early - time for hobbies, seeing friends, travel.

As long as you have your health, retirement should be amazing.

Money gives you choices though

You can still choose to work full time in a satisfying, challenging job

Or you can choose to take time out, say to study, spend time with a loved one, pursue a hobby, recover from an illness

I wish I was richer so I would have more of those options, I doubt my day to day lifestyle would change much, but I'd know I had these choices

Although I recognise that I'm in a better position than most of the people in the world, and most people who have lived previously

I get it. I wish we had more, purely for the luxury of not having to think about buying something, or having to plan for it.

We have friends that have more, for various reasons: inheritance, hard work, lucky job opportunities, but there are always downsides. They've lost someone they love, they work long hours or work away from home.

However, I don't believe the mantra "work hard, follow your dream, make lots of money" is true. I think there is always an element of luck/good timing that you cannot influence.
I don't let it get to me though, I have made my choices, I have a job I love and am good at - it's never going to make me a millionaire but my motto is regret nothing.

I would rather have friends life who has money, an easy job and better health than me, but with my dp.

But that's not actually choosing her life, then - you wouldn't want her partner (or maybe her lack of partner if that's the case). Obviously if you take the best bits of both your lives and jam them together they're better than your life! You're making yourself feel low by comparing your actual life to a fantasy one.

working your ass off will only get you so far, its luck too. what about mental health issues, physical health of you and your partner or children? these can affect what job you work and how you progress yourself too.

anyway, yes, i get envious. its to be expected. then i get on with my own life.

Maybe also try to scale down your expectations, without actually letting go of what you aspire to.

You haven't said what your hobby is, but if it needs 30 plus hours a week to indulge it, then tbh very few of us would be in a position to do that. So you're in a majority there, not a minority. Instead of focusing on the 1 or 2 people you know who have unlimited funds and time, look around at the people you know who work f/t and who have more in common with you

And alongside that, is there any way you can get to do your hobby in a scaled back way? Or something similar? It's hard to say without knowing what it is, but like I say, most people are probably in your position and wouldn't have the time available for anything which takes up 30 hours

People don't want to work hard these days.

Ah ha ha ha, you're a twat.

'People don't want to work hard these days.

Ah ha ha ha, you're a twat.'

^This.

Having 'enough' (where above the 'enough' doesn't make you happier) is still a substantial sum, like £50,000 a year each ( I think that's where the cut off was)

That's more than a third above average wage.

So most people won't reach the 'enough' to have the opportunity to reach the point where happiness doesn't increase.

Anyone who thinks money doesn't bring happiness has never been horribly poor.

Having enough money makes everything more bearable, whether it's being able to afford the car parking to visit your child in hospital or afford painkillers/supplements/night nurse to help yourself when you're sick.

I already do my hobby when I can, and have lots of challenges in that as I organise events and gatherings for others.
I would just love to do it full time instead of trying to fit it around everything else.
I know I am lucky with my DP.
I have friends who earn less than me, but they have all started to inherit decent sums of money. For example one friend inherited a lot through a distant Aunt she barely knew and now practices alternative medicine. She admits it is basically a hobby as she makes so little money by the time she pays her costs. In spite of that she and her Husband have been able to buy a better house.
I need to go with my DPs attitude. DP is just proud that everything we have done, we have done ourselves. We have had no family connections, support, or money to draw on. My MIL would have provided family support, but died young. It has all been by hard work, and study.

I didn't realise it was as high as £50,000.

I am so intrigued by your hobby-can you not say what it is because it will 'out' you?

Yes be proud that you have achieved on your own merit. IMO it's a waste of time to compare with people who inherit, or are gifted large sums of money... I'm sure we all know people like that. Some of our friends were given house deposits, free childcare (blimey that must be worth tens of thousands) but I feel proud that everything dh and I have, we've achieved together.

As for the hobby- I'm afraid most of us probably can think of something we'd rather do full time instead of our job but that's just how it is. It must only be a very small number of people who seriously so their hobby full time

I think you need to compare yourself with different people because you seem to be focusing your envy on a small number of people with very unusual circumstances

Stop looking up at the few who have more than you, and look at the many who have less.

I don't care about retiring, but I'd love to be able to take a low paying or no paying job that I would love. For me it would be animal rescue work. Not currently feasible for various reasons.

I think it's insultingly simplistic to say that we could all be extremely rich and successful if we just worked a bit harder... I can guarantee that for every rags to riches entrepreneur success story there's hundreds who work just as hard but don't succeed.

Not everybody can be a business owner, top lawyer, surgeon. Someone will always be at the bottom of the pyramid. I think it's a strange world we live in where the bloke who owns some rubbish tips/trucks is rolling around in acres of cash whereas someone who dedicates their life to caring for the sick or elderly will likely always struggle to make ends meet.

I say all this as someone who is neither rich, poor or in a caring profession. Wealth division is most unfair in most of the world.

OP you just have to suck it up and do what you do.

I have been horribly horribly poor growing up and also as a parent. This means I appreciate such small things and some peoples levels of comfortable will be my level of luxury. Heating, being able to eat meat and cheese and cake and fruit juice and coffee is luxury ...but you soon can get used to things and live a soulless existence of wanting more and more and looking at friends and neighbours and wanting what they have too.

The people to be envied are the ones comfortable and happy and secure with what they have, those who have choices and don't feel trapped. It's not always much to do with wealth or poverty, sometimes people have very little but really are living the life they want (lots of these people won't use forums like these so won't be here to argue)

OP, you're right life can be so unfair and seeing peers inherit money for no effort is really crap. You just have to process it and block it out (and daydream you have a distant aunt who is old and loaded and had a soft spot for you )

There are lots of things people can do to retire early or find more time if they want to. Stop worrying about passing money to kids is one of them. This obsession is a relatively new thing but so many people are obsessed by it.

Spend less, reduce hours to 4 days or 3 days.

Buy a cheaper house.

Sell up completely and rent.

Take your pension early if 55 and spend it all before state pension kicks in using new rules.

Cut back on things you don't need.

Sell stuff you don't need. Have one car instead of two or no cars.

Sell up and move abroad. You can live in some countries for less than £500 a month comfortably.

Obviously this isn't for everyone but if it's a dream to retire early it is doable.

What's the hobby OP?

No I can not retire early unless it means not eating. I have a small public sector pension. You can't cash those in.

My own mum and dad died within 4 months of each other when I was in my 20's. My husband's dad was killed when he was 5. I have a NC younger sister who has had a massive drug problem since her teens (she is 40 now).
My husband's mum is a narc and he is an only child so has coped with a lot.

We are not poor financially at all - not rich though - comfortable. We have received lots of snide comments from acquaintances as we seem far wealthier than them despite earning similar salaries. We don't have children and I inherited quite a lot in my 20s. They have proper extended families but I will not let their jealousy or mine drag us down. Sometimes it is not easy though.