To be jealous of those who are far better off

[brasty]

Yes I know comparison is the thief of joy. But I don't know how to stop being jealous of those who are much better off financially. I am going to have to work till 67, and some friends are already talking in their 50s about retiring early. I would love to do this. So how do I stop being jealous?

Being well off can make you miserable. We have reasonably low outgoings, more than one property and earn over 100k pa (joint)
But lots of people assume I screwed my way to the top (DH is the owner. Small franchise, I'm junior managerial in one of the businesses...)
Lots of people assume I'm a bit dense of the two.
People assume we're better off than we are, which leads to fake friends/reverse snobbery (sadly is a thing).

I know what you mean. This has bitten me a bit in the last year. Since having DS a lot of the mum friends I've made locally seem to just have pots of money. We live in a nice area and I'd felt very lucky before as we've been fairly fortunate in buying and selling houses at the right time and my DH had a good pay rise a few years ago but I've gradually realised that their lives are lived on a totally different level from ours. We do cheap self catered holidays, have an old second hand car, hardly ever eat meals out. They talk about weekends away in hotels that cost several hundred a night, surprise diamond jewellery for presents, new cars, and, now they have babies, looking at moving to bigger houses which will cost several 00s of 100s more than their current ones. We are totally maxes already and our tiny house in a nice area is as good as we're ever going to afford!
I envy them the flexibility to be able to just buy a bigger house. We'd love more space but It would come at a massive cost of living in a much less nice area, or with a much worse commute and miles away from my family.
I envy the choice it gives them in terms of affording the best childcare when they go back to work, and being able to live in the catchment of a good school (we're not, and can't afford to be without moving further away than we want to for commute and family).
BUT my DH works from home twice a week and is home to put DS to bed every day. Mostly their husbands work all weekend and travel a lot during the week. I couldn't stand that. So I feel very lucky on that front.

I couldn't think of a more miserable existence than retiring early. I am in my mid 50s and have exciting business plans for the future.

All the women in my family have lived until 95/100 years old. If I am lucky enough to do so then I am only half way through my life!

I think retiring is quite an odd concept. It was started when jobs were quite physical and bad for the health, so retirement was taken as people were clapped out.
I have friends who are very wealthy and they still have problems.
Of course poverty is another matter, but no, I don't envy anyone.

My cousin has just retired at the age of 55, I feel sorry for him. He is in good health, and now spends the day watching TV and walking the dog. His wife is not happy at all that he has decided to become an old man.

There are, to my mind, two types of jealousy: one where you wish the other person did not the good fortune that they have and the other is when you want to also have their good fortune.

The first one is very, very common and is evil and destructive, while the second type can be productive, because when you know what you want you can plan how to get it.

Watching to and walking the dog is not a good life at 55. If there was nothing I wanted to do with my time, I wouldn't care about retiring.
The good thing about money is having more choices. Possessions don't make you happy. But being able to afford to move if you have trouble with your neighbours, being able to reduce your hours to spend more time with kids or your family, or in my case being able to spend more time on my hobby, these are things that make your life better. I know people who have had the money to quit work and go back to uni and study as a hobby. There is more to life than work. And if you have money you can indulge passions that don't earn you money.

Maybe I have just found a good life/work balance.

I go to the gym 3 times a week at 9am. I pick up my DD from School and can take her to after school activities. I can do my christmas shopping or go to the hairdressers when it's quiet, like a Tuesday morning. I can meet friends whenever I like. I can drop pretty much everything at a moment's notice.
Perhaps if I was tied to work in a rigid way I may feel differently.

bumpety bump I don't get your response ?? About throwing people down a hole ? Can you elaborate your point ?

OP

What is your hobby?

@Flugelpip

I'm so sorry but your post made me laugh. The last sentence is brilliant. It's got a sort of Alan Bennett quality.

Maybe you will be happier if you downsize and work less. If your hobby is important to you then you should try to make more time for it.

I went part time several years ago and I have been much happier since then. It was surprisingly easy to adjust to the cut in wages (1/4 previous income), although I am not a materialistic person so that probably made it easier.

Probably I will retire early too, but like the part time working that will be due to ongoing health problems, so nothing to be envious of.

I'm actually quite envious of people who can work full time without collapsing and are still able to work in their late sixties

I meant if you laid everyone's life out ( whole life, not just the fancy bits) and got to choose someone's life, would you choose your own or would you choose someone else's. ? I know I would choose my own and a lot of people would too

I wouldn't pick mine and I wouldn't wish for anyone else to pick it up, quite honestly.

I would definitely choose mine. Yes I may be fun to have 5 million, but I have enough money to eat, pay the bills, save a little. Me and my family have good health, great kids with no real problems, so I consider myself very lucky.

I have a good friend whose OH owns a company employing 200 people. The couple have a great deal of money, bug house, 3 cars for pleasure, umpteen holidays a year, To an outsider they have a perfect life. THink nothing of going to Dubai or New York for a clothes shopping trip.One of her children ( young adult) is in full time residential care, the other attempted suicide at school. I know her OH is a mean bully who puts her down constantly.

I would rather have my life than hers.

I would rather have friends life who has money, an easy job and better health than me, but with my dp. But I have not had an easy life.

I couldn't think of a more miserable existence than retiring early

I'm retiring in October. I'll be 48 and can't bloody wait to spend time doing what I want to do, riding my horses, not having to go to work in winter, having time to mess about in the kitchen cooking, long walks with the dogs and to holiday outwith term time with DH

I don't know anyone who has more money than me that it brings happiness to .
In many ways I think it's a curse ..

user1571 I couldn't agree more. I don't plan to retire until I have to...maybe I'll drop down to working part time at some point, I suppose. I know a few people in their fifties who have retired and they just seem to "potter about", not really doing much of anything. It strikes me as incredibly isolating - but then I also do have a somewhat Protestant work ethic, and consider that there is an inherent good in work. Even paper-pushing work

I would love to retire soon too as there is so much I would love to do which the 9 To 5 every week of the year bar 5 and a bit weeks annual leave makes impossible. Unfortunately its 67 for me too. Hopefully I will re In in good health but both of my parents had significant health issues by their mid sixties. It does make me a little jealous as I have always worked hard and am well educated but never seemed to get luck with jobs which paid well or had decent pensions. I do still consider myself blessed though as I have a good close family, a nice but shabby home, an ancient car, a great dog, loads of interests and passions and so far good health. Work does seem to dull my soul though as I have felt much more cheerful and alive during the past three weeks on leave and as usual I haven't even had an actual holiday.

brasty your comment makes no sense ????

Everyone's life is different and we do what we can. I will never be able to retire or get treatment for cancer when the time comes, so I don't waste much time wishing I could.

Hope you felt the sarcasm there.

I don't care what anyone says, money makes things a lot easier. It integrated the root of happiness but if you are having a miserable time it makes it easier.

I know how you feel op. I do get jealous as everyone in my friendship group is better off than me and progressing in their relationships and having more children. It's beginning to get me down as it is a constant topic of conversation. I am happy for them but that doesn't stop me being sad that dp left me and I am fighting tooth and nail to keep my home, working in a low paid job even though I've just been promoted, and unable to work full time due to childcare costs. Some days I worry about where the next meal is going to come from for ds. I also have an autoimmune disease and can't afford to be off when I am ill.

But, I am grateful for what I have got. And my gorgeous son who is my world and changed my life (I had a drug problem before I found out I was pregnant). So yanbu for being jealous. But we must hold on to the few joys in life. And find hapiness in anything we can.

I'm keen to know what OP's hobby is, too, and why it needs > 30 hrs a week to do it.

Retirement looks so dull, so self-indulgement = no genuine new challenges. DH's parents are retired & never do anything different. My folks are semi-retired & spend money in very wasteful ways.