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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not wipe my 6 year olds arse and ignore his current meltdown?

239 replies

Changedmymindagain · 30/08/2016 14:07

He wipes it in school, but refuses to do it at home insisting me or his dad does it. I'be just refused and he's currently having a meltdown on the toilet.

AIBU to expect him to wipe it himself?

OP posts:
Javabeansaintgeorge · 31/08/2016 12:38

My 13 year old would be mortified if I wiped his bum. I can't imagine it.

Well if one person is mortified then everyone else must be.
thankfully we live in a world full of individuals.

RattataPidgeyRattataPidgey · 31/08/2016 12:40

Seriously Jaques at 12 she'll probably have her period.....let's agree that wiping that for an NT child is where we might draw the line......

'That'? Hmm Apparently menstrual blood is in some way far worse than stool now? In what way would that be, then?

squoosh · 31/08/2016 12:40

DH will go all "oh you poor thing, won't Mummy wipe your bottom?"

I'm sure you know what your refrain should be!

squoosh · 31/08/2016 12:42

But java wiping the bum of a 12 year old who is NT and doesn't have any disability is just very, very strange. When will it stop? Will you be wiping his bum when he's 16? 24?

Javabeansaintgeorge · 31/08/2016 12:44

i doubt i will be wiping his bum when he is 16 or 24. there will come a point where he wants to me stop. probably over the next year.

Sallystyle · 31/08/2016 12:44

She doesnt have additional needs in the truest sense of the term however sometimes when she has a particularly awful bout of eczema she has sores around her genitalia. Are you really shocked I would help wipe?

In your child's case no. That is just kindness and completely understandable.

Like I said, my posts were not aimed at your situation.

Marynary · 31/08/2016 12:45

I'm really surprised at the age of children who are having their bums wiped. I can't remember when I expected my dds to do it themselves but it was before they started school. If they can't do it themselves what happens when they are at school or elsewhere?

JacquesHammer · 31/08/2016 12:47

U2 - my apologies - I missed one of your posts to me which was clever of me.

Sallystyle · 31/08/2016 12:48

And your parenting? Well I choose not to put my kid in a box of "you should do this by x age" and accept that children of any age may still need help. But if you choose differently thats fine.

I don't put mine in boxes. A NT 9 and 12 year old is capable of cleaning their own bums. Certainly a 12 year old is and there is nothing anyone can say that would convince me that a 12 year old needs his bum wiped [shocked] I would have made sure they knew how to clean properly well before then. It is not difficult. It's basic hygiene.

Sallystyle · 31/08/2016 12:50

Cross post

It's ok Jacques easily done and I should have made my first post clearer.

Jaderuby · 31/08/2016 13:03

U2HasTheEdge
I'd like to point out that some children are NT, but have still have physical disabilities, my 8 year old can not wipe and will not be able to for some time yet. He has mild EEC syndrome, he's fully neurotypical but his hand only has 3 digits (2 fingers and a small thumb), as you can imagine it makes the simple act of holding and gripping things harder.

NT does not mean without disability.

bumsexatthebingo · 31/08/2016 13:08

My kids preschool would only give verbal guidance. A child in one of their classes who had a disability had an aide who helped with personal care. Kids who struggled because their parents usually did it for them had to get on with it.

Sallystyle · 31/08/2016 13:18

I'd like to point out that some children are NT, but have still have physical disabilities

I am well aware. I have two children with SN myself.

I thought it would be quite obvious that me and others were not talking about children who had any kind of difficulties that mean they genuinely need help with wiping.

I had hoped when I wrote 'children with additional needs' that it would cover situations like yours and Jacques

DixieNormas · 31/08/2016 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JacquesHammer · 31/08/2016 14:04

Thanks U2 - I think I feel a little defensive about this (which I didn't know until this thread Grin) but I shouldn't have taken it out on you.

I suppose in my own head I don't class her as having additional needs which meant I didn't automatically assume your post would have encompassed us - does that make sense?

Sallystyle · 31/08/2016 14:07

Yes, I am not sure I'm using the word additional needs correctly in this thread Grin

SatsukiKusakabe · 31/08/2016 14:16

Shall we all broadly agree that somewhere between the ages of 3-12 most children should be able to clean up after themselves without difficulty, with exceptions for various reasons of illness or particular circumstances, that it's no big deal if they still need a bit of help during that time, but that they should be encouraged to do it independently wherever possible. Right? Grin

Javabeansaintgeorge · 31/08/2016 14:32

If they can't do it themselves what happens when they are at school or elsewhere?

They tend to hold it.

sleeponeday · 31/08/2016 14:33

Jaques I'm a bit guilty of defensively using the term NT to mean any child without additional needs, so I'm sorry. It comes from my own defensiveness at having a child who "seems totally normal" (whatever that means...) and having people constantly think he's spoilt and infantalised, when in fact he is autistic and struggling with a situation or task beyond his capacities. Ironically it's because I assume people acknowledge the needs of people with physical disabilities in a way they don't neuro-developmental, but of course that is, sadly, far from the truth.

Marynary · 31/08/2016 14:49

They tend to hold it.

If they are "holding it" until you are available to wipe them they are at risk of constipation.

CheerfulYank · 31/08/2016 15:24

I think I wiped DS (no additional needs) until around 6 and I thought that was pushing it.

In cases of additional needs (including excema etc) I totally get it. Otherwise.... it's pretty odd to me. But where I come from it's used as an insult for complete incompetence..."and do you get your mommy to wipe you too?" said in sneering fashion.

JacquesHammer · 31/08/2016 15:47

sleeponeday no apology need at all. DD is NT. And we are really lucky that her needs are so minimal.

I suppose I think of it more that every so often there's a factor we have to deal with. This for me is one and it doesn't bother me :)

youarenotkiddingme · 31/08/2016 16:02

Yes sat that would make sense Grin

Because let's face it if someone says the help their elder children it's pretty obvious it's necessity.

And my Ds can solve GCSE level quadratic equations at 12 years and 2 weeks so I'm not really that fussed that sometimes he needs help to wipe his arse.

UmbongoUnchained · 31/08/2016 16:05

No fucking way! My 2 year old can wipe her own ass. Surely you teach them that when potty training?!

paxillin · 31/08/2016 16:24

OP has a child who can do it though. He threw a paddy because he didn't want to.

I've got a nephew like that, also 6. He stayed for a week. "Paaa-aaax, come and wipe my buuu-uuum!" "Nooo-ooo, wipe it yoursee-eelf!" He did. His dad doesn't do it, neither does his gran. His Mum and granddad do wipe, so he stops wiping the moment one of them is in the house.