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MNHQ have commented on this thread

AIBU?

Taking my boy in the ladies toilet...

1001 replies

40andfucked · 28/08/2016 19:53

So we were in a busy sports pub full of very happy (several drunk) people after a great win. My son needed the loo so I took him to the ladies with me. I was told by a very stroppy barmaid who happened to be in there that she wanted him out.
I said I didn't feel comfortable him going to the men's, she said well he's not coming in here. I said I don't want him in the men's alone. She said 'well go in there with him then'! So u did!
He's 10. Normally I'd send him in the men's, but not in a pub full of drunk strangers. I know some may think I've very over protective, but it really wouldn't have hurt her to just let him go for a quick were!!

OP posts:

Report

AgentProvocateur · 28/08/2016 21:12

You take him into a family room to change for swimming?! Unless you're going to do a massive drip feed re SN, you are being completely OTT. Children here go swimming unaccompanied at 8. When are you going to let him go into s changing cubicle on his own - when he's 12? 15? 21?

Pineapplemilkshake · 28/08/2016 21:13

My DS is 9 and I always send him into the men's toilets with an instruction to use a cubicle only. He is very tall though and looks older. I can easily understand why some parents would not want to do this. I wouldn't have a problem if I saw boys in the ladies toilets. After all, they are not exactly going to see anything as its all cubicles.

Babyamazon · 28/08/2016 21:14

Reallyanotherone a group changing room where you are undressing is completely different to a toilet with lockable cubicles.

My ds is 8 and is still completely innocent. He's a CHILD.

ParkingLottie · 28/08/2016 21:14

I really don't care who is in what toilet.

But a NT 10 year old being forced to go to the ladies with his Mum against his will? Talk about infantalising him.

HunterofStars · 28/08/2016 21:14

YABU. He's way too old to be going into the ladies. I was in a service station recently with my aunt and uncle and there was some boys in the ladies peering under the doors so maybe this has made me cautious.

user1471098628 · 28/08/2016 21:14

If you don't like him being around drunk strangers, don't take him into a pub full of drunks. He's 10 ffs.

40andfucked · 28/08/2016 21:15

I've been reported? Seriously? Is this a joke? I asked a genuine question. I rarely use MN (first time in years).

OP posts:

Robinkitty · 28/08/2016 21:17

Your the best judge of his safety, if you deemed it unsafe for him to use the men's then you did the best thing for him by taking him into the ladies.

I think people can be too relaxed in regards to sending their kids unaccompanied personally. Horrid things can and do happen and I'd rather a slight embarrassment than the risk of the unthinkable.

TheWitTank · 28/08/2016 21:17

Great, so I can't take my son into the mens, he can't go alone, I can't use the disabled with him, too big for a potty... maybe we shouldn't leave the house without another male to take him to the loo. Like someone once said to me -'Well, he LOOKS normal doesn't he?'. Yes, he bloody is thanks! His aspergers just makes him struggle with public toilets alone. Can't win!

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 28/08/2016 21:17

You take him into a family room to change for swimming?! Unless you're going to do a massive drip feed re SN, you are being completely OTT. Children here go swimming unaccompanied at 8. When are you going to let him go into s changing cubicle on his own - when he's 12? 15? 21?

This! Just when you thought it couldn't get worse for the poor lad, he can't even change for swimming without mum too?!

Babyamazon · 28/08/2016 21:18

Some people just love to demonise males even little boys.

Don't worry that boys are vulnerable using men's toilets alone.

MyWineTime · 28/08/2016 21:19

10 year old boys should not be in the ladies toilets.
Disabled children can use the disabled toilets.
I was never challenged in the many years I took my sons into the disabled.

What risk is he facing in the gents and why would he be at a greater risk because the men were drunk?

nolongersurprised · 28/08/2016 21:19

I don't care about 10 year old boys in female changing rooms and toilets but my 10 year old daughter is in the early stages of puberty and she cares.

40andfucked · 28/08/2016 21:19

He's my child. I will do anything I can to keep him safe. And if using a disabled toilet keeps a child safe, rather than pissing off a bar maid, how is that misusing it?

OP posts:

Cheby · 28/08/2016 21:20

YABU. Too old to go into the ladies.

OP you say you'd have been ok if the barmaid had spoken to you more gently. Why didn't you stick your head into the ladies and ask the women already in there if they minded your son coming in? A bit of forethought and consideration from you could have avoided the issue entirely.

Babyamazon · 28/08/2016 21:21

Cheby there have been a number of incidents of boys being raped and sexually assaulted in men's toilets.

The risk may be small but a horrific thing to risk.

amprev · 28/08/2016 21:21

A 12 year old boy was raped in the toilets of our local cinema recently and last yeat it happend in the toilet's of Debenhams in Manchester, also well publicised. Both are places where you don't expect alcohol to be consumed and so in an environment where people are drinking I would be naturally more cautious. I let my dd's go together only to the toilet and if the toilets are out of view from where I am then I follow on and linger.

ThymeLord · 28/08/2016 21:22

Because the disabled/accessible toilet is for people who need it.

KoalaDownUnder · 28/08/2016 21:22

I will do anything I can to keep him safe.

And who cares about the safety and comfort of anyone else, right?

That's not how he works works, really.

KoalaDownUnder · 28/08/2016 21:22

*how the world works

Natsku · 28/08/2016 21:22

YADBU if he's embarrassed to go with you, poor lad. Let him grow up and go to the loo by himself. The chances of something bad happening are extremely tiny so stop worrying about that and worry about making him afraid of his own shadow or making him resent you for years for embarrassing him.

Babyamazon · 28/08/2016 21:24

How is a child using the toilet putting anyone's safety at risk?

Why would a child using the toilet upset anyone?

You lock the cubicle to use the toilet, the only thing anyone sees is you washing your hands.

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ilovesooty · 28/08/2016 21:24

And if using a disabled toilet keeps a child safe, rather than pissing off a bar maid, how is that misusing it?

The facilities are there for people with disabilities.

MyWineTime · 28/08/2016 21:24

TheWitTank, I have 2 autistic sons - young men now.
There HAS to be a limit for how long you can keep taking your son into the ladies toilets. This is what disabled toilets are for. There are very few places that don't have disabled toilets now due to the equality laws.

KoalaDownUnder · 28/08/2016 21:24

It's a heaving pub, by the OP's own account; he's not going to get raped in front of multiple witnesses whilst having a quick wee! Fgs.

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