Taking my boy in the ladies toilet...

[40andfucked]

So we were in a busy sports pub full of very happy (several drunk) people after a great win. My son needed the loo so I took him to the ladies with me. I was told by a very stroppy barmaid who happened to be in there that she wanted him out.
I said I didn't feel comfortable him going to the men's, she said well he's not coming in here. I said I don't want him in the men's alone. She said 'well go in there with him then'! So u did!
He's 10. Normally I'd send him in the men's, but not in a pub full of drunk strangers. I know some may think I've very over protective, but it really wouldn't have hurt her to just let him go for a quick were!!

[TotallySpies17]

I disagree that 10 is always old enough to go in men's by themself. At service stations for example I feel very uncomfortable with us going in separate toilets, especially if I'm on my own with a herd of children.
In restaurants, pubs etc he goes in men's and if he's with his brothers they go in together.
It's complex- at 10 he is growing up but also still very much a little boy!

[PenelopePitstop24]

I reckon a 10 year old is too old to be in a ladies toilet. He can pee on his own.
Like the others said - stand outside the gents if concerned.

[ThymeLord]

^^ I agreed with all of this until the comment about using the disabled toilet. That's not acceptable.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Babyamazon By your logic, why not make all public toilets mixed gender, then?

Would you be uncomfortable with a 17-year-old boy in the women's toilets? What about a 25-year-old?

Maybe ask yourself how a 13-year-old girl might feel about the 10-year-old.

There needs to be a cut-off age, and it can't be 'whatever any overprotective mother decides it is'.

[MoreCoffeeNow]

You need to consider the feelings of young girls who do not want boys in their private places. You are bringing a boy up to think it's ok for him to impose himself in a women's only space, even tough girls wouldn't want him there.

[Judydreamsofhorses]

Off topic, but I was half naked in a shop changing room the other week when someone's hilarious little boy pulled the curtain wide open and shouted that he could see my bra. That was nice.

[TotallySpies17]

Just rtft and mine do get changed in men's changing rooms etc- that seems a bit OTT. The point I am making is occasionally at 10 there are circumstances that I don't want him to be alone.

[MeAndMy3LovelyBoys]

How is a child using the toilet putting anyone's safety at risk?

I know I thought that as well. What's a 10 year old boy going to do exactly?

[TheWitTank]

MyWineTime -have seen countless times on mumsnet that using a disabled toilet is not the done thing -certainly not with a physically able child with no obvious disability. He obviously won't be going in with me when he is an adult! Currently he can't cope with several aspects of using the bathroom which we are working on.

[MoreCoffeeNow]

*even though

[ProudAS]

I don't think a tween changing her sanpro would be happy about a boy in the ladies.

He may not see anything but the ladies loo is not a place where one would expect to find males (other than small boys) and some women may not be happy about males hearing them pee (I'm not even particularly comfortable with other ladies hearing me). It may sound irrational and would probably be different if we were used to mixed loos but that is not the case.

[SomedayBaby]

My ds is 8 and is still completely innocent. He's a CHILD

Hmm. Yes, 8 is still a child. But I think you're kidding yourself if you think that all 8 year old boys are completely 'innocent' or unaware.

Ds1 is 8.5...he does dance lessons and had a show a couple of months ago. The majority of the performers were 10 and under and there was just one big communal dressing room at the back. There was a group of older girls (early-mid teens) who chose to use a separate room but a few of them stayed in the communal instead.

There were two girls in particular, about 14 ish, who were dressing and undressing to bras quite openly which I didn't really give a thought to...until I clocked ds1 with his mouth open, eyes fixed firmly at boob level, staring at them with a glazed look. I poked him in the ribs and gave him a frown and he turned a charming shade of beetroot and kept his eyes on the wall from there on.

Many 8 year old boys won't be far off puberty...they're not babies and shouldn't be treated as such.

[JennyOnAPlate]

What reason did you give your ds for forcing him into the ladies? I only ask because I come across many parents like yourself who think there's a paedophile/kidnapper/fuck knows what at every turn, and they are raising children who will be afraid of the world.

[Robinkitty]

He's with his mum in the women's toilet, he's safe.
He's in the men's unnacompanied and he's at risk.

[SauvignonBlanche]

The thing is, is the bar staff had just said. 'Sorry I think he's a bit old to be in here' I'd have said 'ok can I have the radar key to take him to the disabled toilet'

If your DS has a disability (which would be a bit of a drip feed) that would be fine, if not YWBVU.

[TotallySpies17]

FFS are people implying little boys are going to be trying to look at women whilst in loo with their mums.
Fucking horrible comments - boys aren't monsters!

[SoupSpork]

And if using a disabled toilet keeps a child safe, rather than pissing off a bar maid, how is that misusing It?

Because it's for disabled people . If every parent took them into the disabled toilet to keep them 'safe' there will be a huge line and people like me won't get to use the one toilet we can actually use and access.

[TotallySpies17]

A toilet in a public place is very different to an open changing room.
Mine aren't ever forced in and like I said men's is always preferable of course, 99% of time. It's only been once in past year my son has used ladies at 10pm in a service station - lovely to think some precious mn busybody might've been judging me!!

[Babyamazon]

Koala men tend to use urinals where they're exposed. I wouldn't want to use a men's toilet for that reason.

However I have no problem with male children using the women's with they're mum.

[40andfucked]

I would never normally use the disabled toilet, but then I don't normally have an arse of a barmaid in my face! Was trying to find a happy medium. He would be done in there in 30 seconds!

[MyWineTime]

MyWineTime -have seen countless times on mumsnet that using a disabled toilet is not the done thing -certainly not with a physically able child with no obvious disability.
Utter nonsense!
I've seen some crap on here about disabled toilets but it is very rare that someone says that disabled toilets are for physically disabled children only, and then they are usually put right pretty quickly.
You have a disabled child, you can use the disabled toilet.

[SoozeyHoozey]

My ten year old would rather go behind a bush than in the ladies! He'd be mortified! What's your cut off? 12? 14? 18?

[TheWitTank]

Not nonsense at all! I haven't just made it up for a laugh suprisingly.

[TotallySpies17]

My other issue was if I went in the ladies without I really wasn't happy with him waiting outside in a service station by himself- what would you suggest?

[Babyamazon]

Someday I didn't say they were unaware I said they are innocent.

Yes my son is becoming aware that makes and females have body differences.

He is certainly no danger to anyone just using the toilet.

I wouldn't put him in a space where women and girls would be getting undressed and I teach him about privacy because I care about his safety hence not wanting him to use the men's alone if he's out with me.