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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or did I actually ask her to babysit?

442 replies

Crisscrosscranky · 28/08/2016 18:17

This is possibly massively outing.

DH and I went to a well known swedish furniture store today to pick some bits up. Our DD (9) didn't really want to come and I was having a text conversation with a good friend whilst we were discussing it. Friend mentioned she was having a day at home and I cheekily I suppose asked if DD could come over and play with her DS (also 9) for a couple of hours. She said yes and I thought nothing of it. DD and her DS are good friends - he's often come here to play including full days in Xmas hols when I am not working and his mum is.

Dropped her off at 11 and picked her up at 2 so 3 hours in total - she did have a sandwich there but I'd also packed her off with some malteasers to share with DS's son. They spent the whole 3 hours playing Lego.

When I picked DD up my friend asked me if I could have the £20 for her tomorrow as she's a bit skint Confused. I asked "what for?" and she said "babysitting- it's normally £10 per hour on a Sunday but as she came here I'll do it for less". I said yes because I was a)embarrassed and b) shocked. I never would have asked anyone to actually babysit so we could go shopping - I thought she was doing me a favour Blush

She is a childminder for her FT job but she's not my DD's minder. DD goes to school with her DS and I see mum socially without the kids normally to get drunk. Thinking about it DD has never been there to play without me but like I say her DS has been to our.

AIBU to think I was asking for a playdate hate that termor did I actually ask her to babysit?!

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 29/08/2016 17:38

This was a supposedly good friend, not anymore! This would be a dealbraker. I would not pay her, and tell her, is that how you treat good friends! I would really read her the riot act, and tell her that if she did not want to look after dd, she should have said! If she wanted paying, she should have been honest! What a user, not a good friend op!

TheHorseWhisperer · 29/08/2016 17:39

This is hilarious, she has to be a mumsnetter.

FlirtyFleabag · 29/08/2016 17:39

And perhaps it was just a heads up to you that she wouldn't just have your dd over at short notice, hence the charge. Still very odd though and still out of line not to have discussed with you beforehand.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/08/2016 17:41

Or pay her, and tell her that you are not friends anymore, you do not treat each other like that! Op has said, that they have their ds over to play, but dd has never been there! Hmmm So the time when dd does, go she charges, some friend she is.

Woody67 · 29/08/2016 17:41

Pay her, then never offer her free childcare again!

Queenbean · 29/08/2016 17:44

I'm not sure actually. Just imagine this from her perspective:

AIBU as a childminder to actually charge people who ask me to look after their children?

I am a childminder and a friend text me to say that she was going shopping, her DD was bored and would she mind dropping her over to mine for a few hours. As its the school holidays I get this all the time - people wanting to drop their kids off for a few hours and I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. It's not just this friend but others.

i don't feel like this is a pre-agreed play date and her dd actually wants to play with my son, more I am feeling that I am a convenient way to offload childcare for a few hours

Anyway, friend has has dropped over her daughter and she is playing with my son now. We are at home at the moment but cannot leave to do anything else obviously. When friend comes to pick up child WIBU to tell her my rates and expect her to pay?

Am fed up with being treated like this!

I think that the responses would be entirely different!

Aeroflotgirl · 29/08/2016 17:46

Bloody hell, if op is cheeky and sly, than the friend should have said no! The were meant to be friends after all. Op does often look after her ds! That what friends do! It wasen't a professional relationship, but they are good friends.

rollonthesummer · 29/08/2016 17:47

I think the responses would be to say something at the time, tbh. Either-no, that's not convenience of, 'well, actually I'm charging X an hour'

Aeroflotgirl · 29/08/2016 17:48

Quee she should have said no its not convenient, or yes, but I will charge! She did not! By the sounds of it, op has never asked her in the past, its op who help her friend out.

CalmItKermitt · 29/08/2016 17:49

Cheeky mare! Sad when friends turn out not to be 😟

Jackie0 · 29/08/2016 17:59

I think she didn't want to do it , I don't blame her, and on a Sunday Sad
This is a crazy time of year for cms .
The weekend and Sunday in particular is really precious.
She wasn't sure how to handle it and this was her best solution.

Yogimummy123 · 29/08/2016 17:59

I'd also say not your friend if you've done the same favour for her before & not asked for payment. & no doubt is taking frustration out on you as she's been asked a lot over the holidays.

£10/hr is really expensive for a childminder - do you think she was taking the p-ss?

I'd be tempted to ignore the request for payment until she can repeat it to your face..

& def don't do the same favour back.

If she wanted to charge she really should have said so & said how much before taking your son.

I don't think u were being unreasonable as in a way she had a quieter life as your son was entertaining her son.

I'd maybe take it as a joke & ask if she's ok

Aeroflotgirl · 29/08/2016 18:01

jackie you just don't do that to a friend, and a good one at that! No excuse, yes op was cheeky, but if friend did not want to, a simple sorry would be fine, or to at least be honest! I would pay, but let that be the last favour you do for her! I would think that much less of her after that!

Roversandrhodes · 29/08/2016 18:02

I think you were a bit forward and cheeky and asking but not terribly so .She is out of order though ,rude

MakeMyWineADouble · 29/08/2016 18:08

The childminder may not have wanted to do it and may of thought it was cheeky, she had 2 ways to deal with it 'actually it's been a crazy week we were going to have a quite family day' or 'yeah that's fine as I'm having her at mine it will be x amount'. Either would have been OK although I do personally think charging friends is a bit much! It's doing it after the fact that's out of order for me, she left the op with no choice. If your paying for something you deserve to know the cost up front.

Jackie0 · 29/08/2016 18:08

Aero , I know . I think the op just got her on the back foot and she said yes on the spot.

ridingsixwhitehorses · 29/08/2016 18:08

If she is a registered childminder I presume you need to sign an agreement between you and her before using her services rmand see copies of her policies etc. perhaps you should say this to her

Aeroflotgirl · 29/08/2016 18:10

Blooming hell op, you sound too nice, I would not have him over, I would not be socialising with her again. Her text was crap for a good friend.

Enjoyingthepeace · 29/08/2016 18:11

Weekends are so precious, especially if one is a working mum.

I would have offered £20

Mellifera · 29/08/2016 18:14

I don't think OP was cheeky. I have done similar with good friends and also they with me. It's what friends do, isn't it? As well as early morning drop offs at each other's houses to catch an early train or go to an appointment. If it doesn't suit, we say so.

Difference is that this 'friend' is a childminder. She's the cheeky one, and doesn't let the opportunity go to charge. Not a friend.
I'd pay and ignore her from now on.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/08/2016 18:14

QueenBean. Yes, I'm sure an op like this would get a very different response.

Until asked if the other mum had looked after her ds, then the drip feed.

Well yes, she offered and I took her up on the offer to look after my ds several days over Christmas. But then she did offer.

I think then the answers would take a very turn.

PurplePenguins · 29/08/2016 18:22

I'm a teacher and many friends who have children ask if I can have their DCs during the holidays but I wouldn't dream of charging them. I also help with homework as we teach different methods to the ones the parents learnt. By the same token, one of my friends is a paediatrician and I ask her advice, my cake making friend makes my DCs birthday cakes (I do pay for the ingredients). We are a group of about 5 who just do what we do best and help each other out.

AlexRose5 · 29/08/2016 18:25

Cansu I agree with that. I'd even go as far as paying her on this occasion and biting my tongue til next time she sends her son to yours for a play date. What does she think that as a kinder she's the only one that can charge!? Lol show her otherwise lol

AlexRose5 · 29/08/2016 18:25

Minder not kinder

kathyjoy · 29/08/2016 18:27

Tell her you'll take the £20 what she owes you for taking care of her son over the Christmas holidays when you looked after him while she was working (but as it was a holiday it's a premium so she still owes you £20).

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