AIBU or did I actually ask her to babysit?

[Crisscrosscranky]

This is possibly massively outing.

DH and I went to a well known swedish furniture store today to pick some bits up. Our DD (9) didn't really want to come and I was having a text conversation with a good friend whilst we were discussing it. Friend mentioned she was having a day at home and I cheekily I suppose asked if DD could come over and play with her DS (also 9) for a couple of hours. She said yes and I thought nothing of it. DD and her DS are good friends - he's often come here to play including full days in Xmas hols when I am not working and his mum is.

Dropped her off at 11 and picked her up at 2 so 3 hours in total - she did have a sandwich there but I'd also packed her off with some malteasers to share with DS's son. They spent the whole 3 hours playing Lego.

When I picked DD up my friend asked me if I could have the £20 for her tomorrow as she's a bit skint . I asked "what for?" and she said "babysitting- it's normally £10 per hour on a Sunday but as she came here I'll do it for less". I said yes because I was a)embarrassed and b) shocked. I never would have asked anyone to actually babysit so we could go shopping - I thought she was doing me a favour

She is a childminder for her FT job but she's not my DD's minder. DD goes to school with her DS and I see mum socially without the kids normally to get drunk. Thinking about it DD has never been there to play without me but like I say her DS has been to our.

AIBU to think I was asking for a playdate hate that termor did I actually ask her to babysit?!

youre nice enough to have her kid over i think shes got you whereshe want su personally

she knows u wont charge her but uses her job a an excuse to charge u

I am a cm and dont charge my kids friends parents when they come over to play for the day! Same as they dont charge me!

She should have made it clear when you asked. You need to fill in a contract and all the other paraphenallia before 'minding' a new child to cover your registration, insurance etc so dont know how she can charge you! Ask to see the contract

^^ this is such good advice!

I've re read your original post OP and don't believe she intended to charge you initially - you would always discuss costs/hours with someone first! Esp when you aren't on her 'books' and don't know her rates.

Ask to see the contract

This.

Also, if she is treating the three hours as a professional sit, then she should be charging you professionally too. I'd ask for an invoice, including bank details and payment reference, pay the £20 into her account and request a receipt afterwards. I'm sure she'll be keen to keep her books in order.

I'm appalled that your friend would treat a favour as a professional engagement and expect you to pay. I'd re-evaluate the friendship.

Giving your friend the benefit of the doubt, could there could have been crossed wires and clumsy (mis)communications?

I read the OP as possibly being: I'm skint with now and could really do with a bit of extra cash mate. But I'm too embarrassed to let on, or ask for help, so can we call it quits if we say you've paid me for babysitting your kid?

*right, not with

Yes, "Ask to see the contract". Sounds perfect.

Don't know if I'd have the nerve as my change/tip at restaurants has been taken when going out with close friends for lunch. I put cash down, they take my money, pay the whole thing on card and not given either the tip I intended or me the change. .

I think it's absolutely ridiculous that people keep saying "ooooh but she's a childminder so you should pay her" - especially as your DD didn't actually need minding anyway.
I'm a nurse - if my neighbour comes round to ask me medical advice or to flgive her a hand changing a dressing I don't start charging them just because I happen to have a medical background, I do it as a favour! And if for some reason I don't want to do it or I can't, I just say so, no big deal.

Well, she's made sure you won't be asking for a favour again, and that's the message you need to take from this.

What you do with that clear statement from her is up to you. Personally, I'd be detaching.

I would be surprised to be charged. If a friend said she was skint & that's £20 please I would pay up & probably replay it in my head many times.
She was probably pissed off that her nice quiet Sunday was taken up with a kid being over on her day off whilst you bugger off to ikea.

It's actually really sad when you realise someone doesn't hold a friendship in the same regard as you. I'd be slowly detaching from her as she clearly doesn't view you as a proper friend like you do her.

I think the most generous interpretation is that as a childminder this woman often finds people asking her to watch their kids. So unless she has actually invited the child, she charges.

That said, she should let people know up front. It's weird to discuss payment after doing a job.

You asked her to have your daughter so you could go to ikea, because she didn't want to go. Even if her daughter is friends with yours, she was still babysitting

Or have I misread the OP?

Just read that you have her child for play dates. That changes things I think but you were a bit cheeky, what would you have done with your daughter if she was out?

But the cm could have said no or im charging you x amount.The onus was on the cm not teh op,as she cant read minds.

oh yes it all has to be above board to charge you doesnt it

ask for her insurance cover and contract

So she gets you to mind her DS during Christmas holidays etc for free and then she has the brass neck to charge you? I wouldn't be offering for her to have her DS over again. She is a user.

She should have told you she was charging beforehand. I wouldn't pay her.

So she gets you to mind her DS during Christmas holidays etc for free

She didn't ever ask the op to mind her son, if I've understood correctly. The op offered.

If she didn't want to have the OPs DD over, the logical thing would be to just say it's not convenient surely!? Charging someone retrospectively, for anything, is not a reasonable way to solve not wanting to do the thing. There's no valid reason for her to charge like this IMO, very odd and inappropriate

I'd pay this time, but I would remember come Christmas time if she asks if her son can come to yours.

I'd charge her £20 per hour as it Christmas and everything is twice the price.

Mmm. Maybe she didnt want your child to visit that day but couldn't say No.? So she is charging you for an unwelcome visitor. People can be illogical when tbey are tired or stressed. Are you friends? Then give her the money and see if you can figure out the issue later.

Yes absolutely cheeky of her, she should have been upfront and honest with you before. She is pulling a fast one?

Exactly, ask if she has insurance., and qualifications, as she is obviously a professional, what a chancer!

Would love to hear the cm take on this. Perhaps she saw it as a more formal arrangement as you stated its the first time you haven't stayed with your dd. Still very odd though. Are you sure it's exactly how you've explained it?

Can understand why you would be taken aback by the £20 request though, especially as there was no mention of it beforehand. With this in mind when you see her say you haven't got the cash on you and could she provide you with an invoice detailing her bank details and you'll forward the money direct to her account.