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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or did I actually ask her to babysit?

442 replies

Crisscrosscranky · 28/08/2016 18:17

This is possibly massively outing.

DH and I went to a well known swedish furniture store today to pick some bits up. Our DD (9) didn't really want to come and I was having a text conversation with a good friend whilst we were discussing it. Friend mentioned she was having a day at home and I cheekily I suppose asked if DD could come over and play with her DS (also 9) for a couple of hours. She said yes and I thought nothing of it. DD and her DS are good friends - he's often come here to play including full days in Xmas hols when I am not working and his mum is.

Dropped her off at 11 and picked her up at 2 so 3 hours in total - she did have a sandwich there but I'd also packed her off with some malteasers to share with DS's son. They spent the whole 3 hours playing Lego.

When I picked DD up my friend asked me if I could have the £20 for her tomorrow as she's a bit skint Confused. I asked "what for?" and she said "babysitting- it's normally £10 per hour on a Sunday but as she came here I'll do it for less". I said yes because I was a)embarrassed and b) shocked. I never would have asked anyone to actually babysit so we could go shopping - I thought she was doing me a favour Blush

She is a childminder for her FT job but she's not my DD's minder. DD goes to school with her DS and I see mum socially without the kids normally to get drunk. Thinking about it DD has never been there to play without me but like I say her DS has been to our.

AIBU to think I was asking for a playdate hate that termor did I actually ask her to babysit?!

OP posts:
CookieDoughKid · 29/08/2016 20:08

Per Kathy previous . This would not stand up in court and in no way does it represent a business arrangement. So no I wouldn't pay and actually she should be called on it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/08/2016 20:10

Minions wtf? I'm not reading this as passive aggressive. Perhaps you should look at what you're saying because the only passive aggressive comments seem to be coming from you.

dustarr73 · 29/08/2016 20:13

I think Minions is reading a different thread to the rest of us.

MakeMyWineADouble · 29/08/2016 20:13

Why do you think it's faux pity though minons I'm sure he is abousltely fine socially, but coming from a house where I didn't have play dates for the exact same reason I think it's a shame. Maybe they weren't that nice though and I'm actually lucky no one came to break my toys Wink

Aeroflotgirl · 29/08/2016 20:18

minions did you not read the op, they were very good friends! She stated that they were friends, saw each other away from kids, nights out etc

MinonsMovie · 29/08/2016 20:20

Makemywine I suppose I just see saying 'I feel sorry for ds' as a back handed way of saying her friend makes bad parenting choices, which is really insulting. Its quite a leap from making poor business choices (which she obviously does given the situation op has explained).

Aeroflotgirl · 29/08/2016 20:21

Minions op has said, friends minders are pre school kids, so not her ds age where he could play with them. I totally agree cookie as a business woman she shoukd conduct her business appropriately, be upfront with charges, and invoice op properly.

VodkaValiumLattePlease · 29/08/2016 20:23

I completely agree that she shouldn't have charged you (although it was cheeky to ask) as it was more of a favour! But I feel you 'being sad' about her child just comes off as passive aggressive/ bitchy

MakeMyWineADouble · 29/08/2016 20:24

I can see what your saying minons but I genuinely don't think anyone means it that way I think they are saying its a shame he isn't able to do that not that ops friend is neglecting him at least that's how I have read it Smile

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/08/2016 20:26

In what way is refusing to ever do play dates a good parenting choice? She's telling her child his needs don't count. Assuming she minds in the evening, he can't go to after school activities. She has a bunch of children of various ages and expects her ds just to get on with it. She's stifling his social life for the sake of her needs. I get why she doesn't want weekly playdates. But never really stinks.

MinonsMovie · 29/08/2016 20:42

"She's stifling his social life for the sake of her needs."

Stifling, really? I can't agree with that. A slight disadvantage at best. He has friends. He's ok.

So she should overlook her needs? I know as a mum I 'put my oxygen mask on first'. If my needs are met I can meet the needs of my family.

Maslows hierarchy of needs and all that.

MinonsMovie · 29/08/2016 20:42

Can't*

MinonsMovie · 29/08/2016 20:43

Arent* Confused

AgentPineapple · 29/08/2016 20:53

It will be hard for her DS to make friends if parents will be charged for the time. If he only ever sees them at school, they will go to each other's houses and bond, have more to talk about and her DS will be the one who suffers.

Londonmamabychance · 29/08/2016 21:00

This seems like oh just have different understandings of your relationship. You seem to view it as a real fed ship and to get it sounds like you're just one of many mums she knows through her DS and work. Probably her attitude is like that cow she's a childminder and she's used to being tested as a babysitter, and know a lot of mums. I don't think you were being cheeky but neither do I think she was, you just obvs need to adjust your view of the relationship as it's unlikely she will with that attitude.

Londonmamabychance · 29/08/2016 21:02

Sorry for all the typos meant "friendship" and "to her" and "because" not cow, "treated" not tested!

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/08/2016 21:02

That's what parents do - they put themselves out for their children. I never said she should be a martyr Confused

Willow2016 · 29/08/2016 21:03

I have never heard of a cm who didnt have their kids own friends over to play!

I have different aged minded kids and my kids will play with them to an extent (tbh they are great with them and often I dont get a look in!) but the majority are all younger than them and not really 'friends'. Its quite different to have your own home invaded by younger kids to having your own friends over.

I am sure the cm doesnt work 24/7 and could have her ds's friends over to play. Sounds like she is relying on her friends to do this for her so she doesnt have to bother with play dates as well as working. Poor son!

Op and her have been friends a long time, op has her son regularly to help her our (dont see any sign of her thinking she is putting op out at Xmas?!) yet one sodding day was too much trouble for her and she felt the need to charge for it? Actually she shouldnt have as she hadnt done any necessary paperwork to make it a valid childminding session. She was basicaly cm illegally. No contract was signed, no policies or proceedures, no permission slips, no fees were agreed, no time set.... etc etc.
Wonder how often she does this and just pockets the money?

MinonsMovie · 29/08/2016 21:06

No, parents meet the needs of their children. If you feel put out by your kids you're doing it wrong.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/08/2016 21:09

Well Minions. Thanks for telling me I'm doing it wrong. I'm chronically ill and I do put myself out for my DD because if I didn't I'd be in bed pretty much all the time, which is what I want to do. But I have to look after my DD because I love and because she needs her mummy.

KC225 · 29/08/2016 21:20

If she does this to all her friends then how come she didn't state the babysitting charges up front. She and OP were having a text conversation it would have been easy to state she would be charging then - though she doesn't seem to be lacking temerity. She is a grabby chancer.

And minions, I also feel sorry for the kid. At 9 years old he will pick up on the fact it's cheaper for his mates to go to the cinema or softplay than the price his mum charges for a bog standard play at his house.

MinonsMovie · 29/08/2016 21:31

I think there's a lot of confusion here between needs, desirables, wants and 'keeping up with the Jones'.

He'll be fine, in a couple more years he can go out places with his mates.

Willow2016 · 29/08/2016 21:33

Minions: So for 11 years he isnt allowed any of HIS mates back to HIS house to play with HIS toys or in HIS garden unless his mates mums pay?

Yep thats healthy!

MinonsMovie · 29/08/2016 21:34

It's not unhealthy.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/08/2016 21:46

minions that is not nice on the poor boy and he will miss out, glad op will still have him round on occasion.