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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or did I actually ask her to babysit?

442 replies

Crisscrosscranky · 28/08/2016 18:17

This is possibly massively outing.

DH and I went to a well known swedish furniture store today to pick some bits up. Our DD (9) didn't really want to come and I was having a text conversation with a good friend whilst we were discussing it. Friend mentioned she was having a day at home and I cheekily I suppose asked if DD could come over and play with her DS (also 9) for a couple of hours. She said yes and I thought nothing of it. DD and her DS are good friends - he's often come here to play including full days in Xmas hols when I am not working and his mum is.

Dropped her off at 11 and picked her up at 2 so 3 hours in total - she did have a sandwich there but I'd also packed her off with some malteasers to share with DS's son. They spent the whole 3 hours playing Lego.

When I picked DD up my friend asked me if I could have the £20 for her tomorrow as she's a bit skint Confused. I asked "what for?" and she said "babysitting- it's normally £10 per hour on a Sunday but as she came here I'll do it for less". I said yes because I was a)embarrassed and b) shocked. I never would have asked anyone to actually babysit so we could go shopping - I thought she was doing me a favour Blush

She is a childminder for her FT job but she's not my DD's minder. DD goes to school with her DS and I see mum socially without the kids normally to get drunk. Thinking about it DD has never been there to play without me but like I say her DS has been to our.

AIBU to think I was asking for a playdate hate that termor did I actually ask her to babysit?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Crisscrosscranky · 29/08/2016 19:35

Minions are you my 'friend'? Hmm

OP posts:
Cagliostro · 29/08/2016 19:37

I thought what Widdlin said was fair too, it did cross my mind given how many threads I've seen over the years about people inviting their DCs to someone else's house/getting free childcare etc.

But she should have been upfront that it would be chargeable so you had the chance to say no that's not what I meant, and cancel it.

MinonsMovie · 29/08/2016 19:37
Grin I'm not but I thought that after I posted it!
RandomMess · 29/08/2016 19:42

Minions that's really uncalled for!!!

I too would feel sorry for a child that NEVER has playdates because it's part and parcel of most Children's lives.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/08/2016 19:48

Minions Hmm

MinonsMovie · 29/08/2016 19:51

Mum is a childminder, so his house is regularly full of kids he can play with.
Her DS gets invited to play dates, such as at OPs house.
I'm sure he's fine.
Don't mistake a poor lifestyle choice with a 'not your' kind of lifestyle choice.

dustarr73 · 29/08/2016 19:51

Did she take the £20 off you.Thats very poor form.I would not have her son over.You can meet them at the park.Why put yourself out for her again.

Minions what a weird attitude you seem to have.The op was the one scammed out of money by an unscrupulous so called friend.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/08/2016 19:54

Op you are much better person than me, she sounds as crafty as hell. At least you know where you stand with this 'friend' , unfortunately she was not the friend you expected, you just don't do that to a good friend. She wasent even embarrassed or apologetic about it. I would now think less of her and distance myself from her. Her friendship comes at a price, she shoukd send you a price list! Yes have her ds over at your convenience, but be done with her.

Monika2012 · 29/08/2016 19:55

That's really crazy that she have done this.
If it was me, I would wait for the next time that she ask me to look after her child, and as soon as she will come to pick him up, I would surprise her with the bill. I can only see her VERY SURPRISED FACE 😉

Aeroflotgirl · 29/08/2016 19:56

minions wtaf!!! How us op controlling and manipulative. Vice versa I think!

MinonsMovie · 29/08/2016 19:57

Monika, OP has only ever offered. CM mum has never asked anything of her regarding childcare.

MinonsMovie · 29/08/2016 19:58

Nonsense. OPs favours obviously come at a price too... Those Xmas favours... They will cost you 1 bank holiday weekend Sunday afternoon in childcare please!"

MinonsMovie · 29/08/2016 19:59

When I do you a favour it's a favour it's not kept on record.
When you do me a favour I bring you a small gift to say thank you.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/08/2016 20:00

So she treats play dates as business, and charges friends for play dates, wow, her poor ds won't have anybody over, poor boy. She sounds crafty and manipulative your well out of it!

Aeroflotgirl · 29/08/2016 20:01

Don't be ludricous minions! Op has never had anything off the friend, asks her one favour and is charged. That's not how friends work!

Aeroflotgirl · 29/08/2016 20:02

Friend was crafty and manipulative,active for not stating she woukd charge op at the beginning, very underhanded!

MinonsMovie · 29/08/2016 20:02

Ok. But my point is they aren't friends. We are all saying poor op, drop your terrible friend. I'm pretty sure they aren't friends to begin with.

Marmalade85 · 29/08/2016 20:03

You don't impose your child on someone else and call it a play date especially if they are a childminder for a living. I'm guessing this must happen to her a lot.

CookieDoughKid · 29/08/2016 20:04

No I would absolutely not pay. She should have cleared with you the charges up front prior to you dropping off your dd AND properly invoice you. This is not a business arrangement in any sense and I would not engage. She's no friend of yours and I'd leave it as that. Clearly a major misunderstanding but as a business woman she should know how to conduct her business properly.

MakeMyWineADouble · 29/08/2016 20:05

minons My mum was a childminder it is not at all the same as having playdates. The children may be different ages and aren't always friends so saying it's the same isn't true as for the rest of it that's opinions. I'm just glad my friends are the type that swap favours as oppose to the money charging type I'd be broke Wink

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/08/2016 20:05

Well ops "friend" didn't seem to give a small gift to say thank you. Unless I'm mistaken. I really don't get your point Minions.

Jizzomelette · 29/08/2016 20:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentPineapple · 29/08/2016 20:07

I think that was her letting you know it was not ok to leave your DD there for 3 hours. You are under no obligation to pay her, there was no agreement to do that. Just be honest, tell her as far as you were concerned this was for your DD and her DS to see each other and play and at no point did you think you would be charged for them spending time together.

You might find that she will refuse to have your DD round in the future. Or the alternative is you tell her you would start charging for her DS to come over if she thinks this is acceptable Hmm

MinonsMovie · 29/08/2016 20:07

I agree makemywine, but the faux pity for a friends child who is just fine socially, is a bit sickly passive aggressive for my taste.

So Long as the basics are there. he can fully blossom like we all do when we fly the nest.

Anmi0802 · 29/08/2016 20:08

People think she was expecting payment cos she is a childminder. but I am a nanny and a friend has asked me to look after her baby while she went to the doctor and it didn't even came to my mind about charging her. It's not because I'm a nanny that I will charge my friends. If I was you I would pay her, then next time when she asked for play dates at your house then you tell her how much it will be