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Original poster

To hate the label 'full time mummy'

389 replies

ilovenautical · 28/08/2016 08:42

Have 0 tolerance for mums that put down working mums & label themselves full time mummy's - seriously?! Does that mean working mums are part time? So when we drop child off to day care/family/CM we are no longer parents? We no longer think about DC and if they were unwell we would just wait till non working hours to see them? Grrrr infuriates me!! Angry am I the only one?

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 28/08/2016 13:19

I dislike all these "titles", SAHP etc. When I was on Maternity leave, I was in my view "un-employed" as I wasn't earning and I wasn't an employee for that period of time. No shame etc, it's just the way it was. I don't consider anyone who chooses to stay home and raise their children "employed" as such, in the context of employment as we generally know it.

Munstermonchgirl · 28/08/2016 13:20

IME the phrase 'delegating parenting' is one that's only used in a sneery way by those who judge people who use childcare when their children are small to enable them to pursue a worklife.

Interestingly, it never seems to be used when those same people send their children to school/clubs/parties or when the SAHP send their child to pre-school. Apparently you're not delegating parenting if you drop your child and return to an empty house, or to care for younger siblings. It's a special term reserved for those who dare to have a work life while their children are being educated/ looked after/ entertained.
I've learned that much from MN

peneleope82 · 28/08/2016 13:22

I'm a SAHP. I call myself that as I know 'full time parent' annoys people.

I could get annoyed by people who call themselves a 'working mum' for the same reasons but I don't because, well, life's too short.

And I don't think people are trying to make a point with those terms. Well, kind people aren't. And I don't give two shits about unkind people.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 28/08/2016 13:37

I think in someways and to varying degrees we all outsource some parenting to others.

Thinking of the phrase "it takes a village to raise a child"

I love a good bit of delegation where my DC are concerned!

Binkybix · 28/08/2016 14:29

I work and I don't consider myself a full time mother. Isn't it just down to whether each person is talking about 'doing' or 'being'?

Munstermonchgirl · 28/08/2016 14:35

But you don't 'do' motherhood. You can do a whole variety of tasks involved in caring for a child- changing nappies, playing, preparing a meal- but there is only one person who is the mother, and one father. And as has been discussed at length, parenting encompasses a much broader range than just tasks... It's about the values you instil, the parameters you provide etc.

Rowanhart · 28/08/2016 14:41

It's a shitty loaded phrase that insinuates that those who work to financially support out kids are somehow not full time Mum's.

I have no problem with anyone using phrase sahm but hate full time mum.

If people can afford and want to stay at home and look after their kids full time, good for them. Prefer it when they're not living off other people's (Ie my) taxes to do it though.

Believer that benefits are there for those who find themselves unable to work for whatever reason, not those who choose not to. Particularly irks me when kids all at school.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 28/08/2016 14:42

I think once a mother always a mother Binky - my DS (14) said as much to me last night, asking if I'd imagined having a 14 year old trumpet player when I set out! I said no, the trumpet playing especially has been a nice surprise!

But I agree there's both being and doing with parenting/ mothering.

I'm surprised to hear any mother not think of herself as a "full time mother" though - it's always seemed pretty relentless to me!

I guess that's the problem with some people taking the phrase to describe being a SAHM.

But as many have said people are only trying to think of the best way to describe their own situation. I really don't think there's any angle on it regarding disapproving of others situations.

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 28/08/2016 14:49

All mothers are full time mothers. You can't escape it.

For me the tricky thing with SAHP arguing they are basically working as unpaid childcarers is that what they do day to day is what I do on my days 'off'. Or in my non working hours, so it feels like 'holiday'.

That said, I've been on 9 months mat leave and found it a bit rubbish really - simultaneously tedious but relentless. I am looking forward to getting back to work.

Yet when I'm back to work I know I'll miss being at home all day with my DC. (Although it will coincide with DD1 starting school so the baby daytime will be a piece of piss in comparison to the summer holidays!)

Ninasimoneinthemorning · 28/08/2016 14:54

If your child is in childcare then you are delegating some of the parenting to somebody else. You can't work full time and be a full time mother, it doesn't add up.
same applies to dad's

😂😂😂

You don't stop being a mother or father when your at work. That statment is the daftest thing I've ever heard on MN. It's biologically impossible!

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 28/08/2016 15:01

I'm a full time mum but I also work full time.

Therefore, I am obviously doing twice the work of those full time mummies you are talking about Wink

(Joking obvs)

GetAHaircutCarl · 28/08/2016 15:05

Actually plenty of people work without using childcare but that's by the by.

I'm a bit Confused that apparently 'parenting' has to mean the child is present. Surely we have all had millions of examples when we going things for our DC remotely? Or times when they were present and we were doing nothing at all for them?

Binkybix · 28/08/2016 15:06

But you don't 'do' motherhood. You can do a whole variety of tasks involved in caring for a child- changing nappies, playing, preparing a meal- but there is only one person who is the mother, and one father

Of course - you both 'are' a parent and 'do' parenting. Obviously I don't stop being a parent but I do stop doing parenting, and for this reason I don't consider myself a full time parent.

It's so obvious that once someone is a parent they always are that I take that as a given really and assume that people must be talking about the 'doing'.

GetAHaircutCarl · 28/08/2016 15:07

But providing for our DC is surely a major part of parenting?

Munstermonchgirl · 28/08/2016 15:09

Thinkaboutittomorrow- I worked 3 days a week when my children were tiny, and always referred to the other 2 weekdays as my 'days off.' I'm now wondering whether I should have called them 'the days where I do my other job!' Grin

Zoolander · 28/08/2016 15:13

Does it matter what people call themselves really?

Some people want to work, some people have to work, some want to be at home with the kids, some can't afford to work because the childcare is more than their salary.

Men don't have all this angst so why do women?

glueandstick · 28/08/2016 15:15

I think that you aren't unemployed, you're economically inactive.

Lesley1980 · 28/08/2016 15:17

It's a description of how you split your time. It's doesn't stop you being a mother/father.

So many bloody hang ups.

From a lot of the posts on this thread the whole purpose of working is to feel superior to women looking after their own kids whilst paying another woman minimum wage to look after yours.

Munstermonchgirl · 28/08/2016 15:22

Actually my reasons for working were manifold.... Sharing the earning with dh, intellectual and social stimulation, using specialist skills I'd trained for, keeping a foot on the career ladder... But I can guarantee I've never met a WOHP who does it for the reasons Lesley suggests.

BodsAuntieFlo · 28/08/2016 15:25

I never 'get' what the big fuss is all about tbh. I was at home for years while my DC were younger and I was never a SAHM/full time mummy in my view. I simply didnt work. I always think people who put SAHM/full time mummy are trying to justify a choice they've made. I will be at home full time from October when I'm retiring aged 48. I'll still be saying I don't work and not justifying my choices to anyone. I could put FTM though, for full time mumsnetter Grin

Binkybix · 28/08/2016 15:26

But providing for our DC is surely a major part of parenting?

I guess it could be thought of like that, but I think of parenting as the hands on stuff.

It just seems weird to me to think of yourself as both a full time parent and a full time worker. Just doesn't compute logistically because to me it's about how you divide your time.

But as I say, I don't really care what anyone chooses to call themselves. I'm very happy with my own choices so it doesn't feel like a slight on me. If someone said 'I'm a full time mum, and that makes me a better parent than you' then it would be a different matter of course!

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 28/08/2016 15:27

From a lot of the posts on this thread the whole purpose of working is to feel superior to women looking after their own kids whilst paying another woman minimum wage to look after yours.

Don't be daft. Work does sometimes give a sense of achievement and identity that is hard to get staying at home with kids. But I don't believe anyone in the history of ever put in a 40++ hour week to belittle SAHM!

People work because they need to. Or because they want to. The sacrifice SAHM make to their career is the real shame. I have too many friends who stayed at home but 5 or 6 years later are doing jobs way below their skills and education level just because they stepped off the ladder for a while. That is what we should be arguing about. Not about bloody labels.

Mumberjack · 28/08/2016 15:31

OP I take exception to anyone who calls themselves a 'mummy' whether stay at home, yummy etc etc. Feel like saying to them, You're a grown woman ffs don't use childish language.

Mumberjack · 28/08/2016 15:32

Especially when it's the smug 'I stay at home because Put my children first' bullshit

Binkybix · 28/08/2016 15:33

I do agree that 'mummy' should not be used however!

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