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AIBU?

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Original poster

To hate the label 'full time mummy'

389 replies

ilovenautical · 28/08/2016 08:42

Have 0 tolerance for mums that put down working mums & label themselves full time mummy's - seriously?! Does that mean working mums are part time? So when we drop child off to day care/family/CM we are no longer parents? We no longer think about DC and if they were unwell we would just wait till non working hours to see them? Grrrr infuriates me!! Angry am I the only one?

OP posts:
hazeimcgee · 29/08/2016 12:25

And fwiw i consider myself a SAHP even tho i live half my life in hospital and get paid carers. I don't say "full time mom" cos of how it reflects on my hubby but that'a my personal choice

Munstermonchgirl · 29/08/2016 12:27

Haziemagee Flowers

hazeimcgee · 29/08/2016 12:40

Thank you Munster x

MerchantofVenice · 29/08/2016 13:12

It really depends on what type of person you are - people find some things hard which others find easy. ..

Some people thrive on the stress of a stressful job; others thrive on the repetitive nature of domestic chores. Some SAHP love the freedom to do loads of activities and can cope with the resulting mess/chaos! It really is impossible to generalise here.

What I will say (and it's probably not going to go down well) is that being a SAHP once your children are all in school must, surely, be quite, umm, relaxing? ? I mean, you might be the busiest person alive during those 6 hours of school time - but you get quite a lot of choice about how to spend those hours. You can do all the chores properly in your own time, without trying to cram them into nap times etc. Is that a reasonable point to make? I wouldn't venture an opinion on whether you are then still a 'full-time mummy'...

honkinghaddock · 29/08/2016 13:25

I would describe myself as a carer because if my son wasn't disabled I would be working. During the school holidays I would say that it is harder than my former job ( teacher) because of the need to be vigilant and the constant risk of unsafe behaviour and aggression with no back up. I can't compare it to jobs I have never done.

Brokenbiscuit · 29/08/2016 13:54

I can't compare it to jobs I have never done.

And that's exactly the point. The comparisons are meaningless because we can only compare the particular jobs that we have done and the particular children that we have parented. It isn't a competition about who has it the hardest in any case - there are pros and cons to all situations in my experience.

In my view there is nothing inherently better about either SAH or WOH, and a bit of mutual respect all round would not go amiss. And yes, I do think that avoiding terminology that others find offensive is a part of this.

TurquoiseDress · 29/08/2016 15:53

I agree OP- I find the title "full time mummy" totally cringey...stay at home parent is a much more accurate description.

But each to their own.

Also, general point- I wouldn't describe SAHPs as "unemployed"- they are working just not in classic paid employment.

Comejointhemurder · 29/08/2016 16:17

Being a parent isn't a job. It's something you've chosen to do.

It is undoubtedly hard work. But it's not a job - it's parenting. Call yourself whatever you like - but don't list it as your job - because it isn't.

motherducker · 29/08/2016 16:18

Who is actually listing it as their "job"? And where??

TotallySpies17 · 29/08/2016 16:52

motherducker
I've seen it as a job title loads of times on Facebook.
Have also seen profile names such as 'Jane Proudmummy Jones'

FRETGNIKCUF · 29/08/2016 16:59

I have 0 tolerance for women who feel the need to admonish those who work or don't on either side of the coin.

Fucks sake.

Do people really care what other people say about what they do? Aside from those on both sides who use terms to belittle others.

I mean really get a grip.

Boiing · 29/08/2016 17:06

This is the 4th time I've seen this issue raised on a forum this year - and there's been a couple of blogs about it too - BORING! If you have to post unsupportive negative provocative crap on a site that was set up to support mums, at least try to be a bit more original.

StarryIllusion · 29/08/2016 17:33

SAHM and SAHF are not unemployed!

Yes they are. You do not get paid to do a job, do not have an employer and therefore are unemployed. That does not mean you are unproductive or do not contribute but stating that sahp are not unemployed is ridiculous. Besides being a parent isn't a job, it's just part of who you are. A lifestyle maybe?

Have not rtft, don't really care to, it's far too long and stroppy, just wanted to comment on this one point. Op, good luck in here, you're going to need it. And yes btw it does piss me off. Like being a mum is a job. You can quit or be sacked from a job. Your kids are your family ffs, to me it massively devalues that relationship.

honkinghaddock · 29/08/2016 17:42

To be classed as unemployed you have to be seeking work. It isn't just not having paid employment.

imwithspud · 29/08/2016 17:55

I've seen it as a job title loads of times on Facebook.

Does anyone really take what people put as their job title on Facebook that seriously though? It's hardly an official document.

And if someone wants to put 'full time mum' as their job title on there who is it hurting exactly?

I don't get the angst, it all seems to come from a place of insecurity (on both sides). I mean it's all just semantics really, isn't it?

Munstermonchgirl · 29/08/2016 17:56

Starryillusion- ok, technically you're correct, but your post exemplifies how powerful language is, and how it can be easy to offend.

Some people have said ' offence is taken, not given' ... Bollocks. People use language in all sorts of ways, sadly sometimes to try to undermine or sneer at other people. To describe a SAHP as 'unemployed' is as bad as using the term 'full time mummy' or that classic one 'outsourcing parenting to someone else.' A SAHP caring for pre school children is often very busy. True, they can't be sacked, no one is appraising their performance (apart from the parent them self, which I'm sure we all do!) but to say they are unemployed carries all sorts of connotations. And besides, a SAHP can't sign on for JSA unless they are actively seeking work: umployed strongly implies that they are. It's like describing a pensioner as unemployed- yeap technically they are but to describe them as such is massively misleading.

Fwiw I was a SAHP for about 18 months with 3 pre schoolers (couldn't afford childcare for 3, so after taking ML twice, I had to take this break from work until dc started school) I can completely take your point about not wanting to devalue the role of caring for children...I personally wouldn't have described it as a 'job' because it was our choice to have 3 children and caring for them was just what I did, I wouldn't expect anyone to pay me for the privilege! But although I wouldn't have described it as 'work', I equally would not have described myself as 'unemployed.'

runslikethewind · 29/08/2016 18:02

People can describe their status however they wish, you can read into any of the 'titles' in a bad way if you wish and over analyse it, my opinion: it doesn't matter how you describe your status I won't judge if you judge the way I describe myself then may be you have the complex about it.

I do work I have to know kids and I do my best that's all I care about and I presume everyone else is just doing their best too so how they describe what they do is up to them

motherducker · 29/08/2016 18:16

To be classed as unemployed you have to be seeking work. It isn't just not having paid employment.

Exactly.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 29/08/2016 18:19

"Full time yummy mummy and loving it!!!" on Facebook makes me cringe.

Anything else, I can't get too worked up about. I say this as someone who has been a student mum, stay at home mum, full time working mum, part time working mum and now leaving full time work to be a stay-at-home mum and self employed freelancer. Whatever people want to call me is fine Grin

Although if I ever say "I challenge anyone to find me a harder job than stay at home parent", someone please slap me, because it's bollocks.

NickyEds · 29/08/2016 18:30

You are wrong starry. For someone to be unemployed they would have to be without a paid job but available for work. A SAHP is no more unemployed than a retired person or a student.

Middleoftheroad · 29/08/2016 18:33

Adult using the word "mummy" with other adults = wrong. Very"bitty'"

motherducker · 29/08/2016 18:40

To be classed as unemployed you have to be seeking work. It isn't just not having paid employment.

Exactly.

witchywoohoo · 29/08/2016 19:38

Was just coming on to say that the definition of unemployed is that a person is without a paid job but available to work. It seems that others had the same idea.

Do you suppose there will ever be a day when there isn't a SAHM v WOHM thread on mumsnet.

ilovenautical - "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" Eleanor Roosevelt thinks you have insecurity ishoos.

witchywoohoo · 29/08/2016 19:41

Ovaries (good name Grin ) The term "yummy mummy" ...i don't even have words....

Philoslothy · 29/08/2016 19:42

To be classed as unemployed you have to be seeking work. It isn't just not having paid employment.

But if I was childless and I had no job because I couldn't be bothered working I would be called unemployed , wouldn't I?

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