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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BYOB what does it cover?

84 replies

manyathingyouknow · 28/08/2016 01:24

I'm just back from attending my niece's 1st birthday party and I'm not sure iabu. It was a barbecue and my sister in law had sent out a text saying BYOB last week. No problem (I'd have provided drink if I were inviting people round for a get together like a child's birthday party but each to their own) and my husband gets himself sorted with some beers. i was driving so I wouldn't be having alcohol. I decided to stop in last minute to buy a bottle of coke and Diet Coke which my husband thought was strange. Turned up and it turns out my hunch was right. If you wanted a drink then it was water or nothing. They provided no soft drinks or diluting juice. Now I don't know if iabu but when i have a party to celebrate something like a birthday etc then I will at least buy soft drinks in!! I would be mortified if people showed up and I couldn't offer them anything but water Confused my SIL father asked for a soft drink and
she came out the kitchen and scolded him because he knows she doesn't buy soft drinks Hmm you're having a party!! So there we were all drinking the Coke if brought. Is it me or do you at least provide soft drinks??

OP posts:
rubbishbin · 28/08/2016 01:26

You're brave to start this thread on here...

It willbe filled with posts saying: "can't afford to host, then don't!", "the hosts should put at least £5k behind the bar" etc etc

IHaveBrilloHair · 28/08/2016 01:28

That's weird.
Definitely some soft drinks should be provided.

RJnomore1 · 28/08/2016 01:28

Em yes soft drinks provided and basics - some wine and lagers and a bottle of vodka minimum I would say!

ImissGrannyW · 28/08/2016 01:30

You're not BU, but it's up to the host what they do and don't provide. I was brought up to always make my guests as comfortable as possible, so I always go way OTT. Other people don't. It doesn't make them bad or wrong, just different from me.
If I recieved a BYOB invite, I'd take what we expected to drink + s.thing or the host as a thank you. And the thank you might be a bottle for them or a bunch of flowers or chocolates, depending on what I thought the host might most appreciate.

FWIW, I went to a bbq last weekend, and brought wine and flowers for the host and a soft drink for me and dd.

This is reading like a stealth boast. sorry. If it helps, I have no friends and am vile in RL, albeit someone who doesn't turn up empty handed!

amprev · 28/08/2016 01:31

I think your SIL is weird and a crap host. YANBU.

Queenbean · 28/08/2016 01:31

I dunno. I mean, technically she probably should.

But just because you're driving, why should you show up empty handed? Why not just take some soft drink anyway? Otherwise it's mega stinge of you to turn up empty handed

FashionablyLate · 28/08/2016 01:32

Weird. I would expect some refreshments to be provided at a party. I would have bought what ever I wanted to drink, ensuring there was enough to share with others not just the exact amount I intended to drink.

squoosh · 28/08/2016 01:32

I've only ever known BYOB to refer to alcohol. Beyond tight to only provide water! It does not cost a lot of money to buy a few 2 litre bottles of soft drinks.

Tight, tight, tight.

squoosh · 28/08/2016 01:34

Otherwise it's mega stinge of you to turn up empty handed

The 'mega stinge' is supposedly throwing a party and only providing water.

Queenbean · 28/08/2016 01:36

Presumably the host provided all the food? So it is mega stinge to turn up, expecting to be fed and not even bringing a £1 bottle of coke with you!

squoosh · 28/08/2016 01:41

But the OP did bring Coke and Diet Coke with her so I'm not sure why you're focusing on that? That aside throwing a party and providing water as the only beverage is definitely 'mega stinge'.

Embarrassingly so.

WhisperingLoudly · 28/08/2016 01:43

You host a party, you provide the drinks.

Queenbean · 28/08/2016 01:44

Because she is questioning having had to bring a bottle of Coke because otherwise a drink wasn't provided for her.

She hasn't said if she brought a gift for the host or a contribution to the BBQ - in which case it would be fine not to turn up without soft drinks. But I think expecting to be fed and not to bring any drinks would be a bit off actually.

If I was hosting a BBQ and someone turned up with just a bottle of Coke and nothing else I'd think that was a bit off as well.

Queenbean · 28/08/2016 01:45

(Just to be clear, if I was hosting I'd put out a selection of soft drinks as well, it's just the insinuation that the OP wouldn't have brought anything at all that doesn't sit well with me)

squoosh · 28/08/2016 01:45

And the husband brought beer. Beer, Coke, and Diet coke. But they're their the mean ones.

Okaaaaaay.

Queenbean · 28/08/2016 01:49

The husband brought beer for himself. The op insinuates that she stopped and brought soft drinks because she thought it likely none would be provided.

youre really saying that if you hosted a BBQ and someone turned up with just a bottle of drink (exc the husband bringing his own beer) you wouldn't think that was a bit stingey, that surely they could've brought some crisps / snacks / pack of burgers etc?

squoosh · 28/08/2016 01:53

I think the AIBU is asking people what BYOB means. To me BYOB means bring your own alcohol but the 'mega stinge' hosts obviously meant differently. If I was going to a BBQ first birthday I'd bring a gift for the child and some booze for the party. It wouldn't occur to me that the only drink being served was water. I don't know anyone that miserly.

squoosh · 28/08/2016 01:54

And if I was driving I'd still bring booze, for others to enjoy.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/08/2016 01:55

That's plain weird. I would have thought it normal to buy the basics.

Gwenhwyfar · 28/08/2016 02:04

"You host a party, you provide the drinks."

You've never heard of 'bring a bottle'?

WhisperingLoudly · 28/08/2016 02:14

You've not heard of bring a bottle

Yes of course but I've not been to a party since I was a student where the host didn't provide the bulk of the drinks.

Of course guests usually bring bottles or other gifts but as a host I'd still expect to provide the bulk of the wine.

At a casual get together it might be acceptable to ask guest to BYO but as a host surely you still provide soft drinks, mixers etc.

KoalaDownUnder · 28/08/2016 03:25

BYOB refers to alcohol, in my world.

If you're hosting a party, it's stingy and unwelcoming not to provide any soft drinks, punch, mixers...nothing but water. Ugh.

steff13 · 28/08/2016 04:32

Agree with Koala - here BYOB is understood to mean alcohol.

LagunaBubbles · 28/08/2016 04:50

I would have assumed alcohol. I don't get posters saying OP would be stingy - sounds like the opposite to me and she had to share her soft drinks with others because host provided none!

RebootYourEngine · 28/08/2016 04:59

To me BYOB means bring your own booze.

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