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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BYOB what does it cover?

84 replies

manyathingyouknow · 28/08/2016 01:24

I'm just back from attending my niece's 1st birthday party and I'm not sure iabu. It was a barbecue and my sister in law had sent out a text saying BYOB last week. No problem (I'd have provided drink if I were inviting people round for a get together like a child's birthday party but each to their own) and my husband gets himself sorted with some beers. i was driving so I wouldn't be having alcohol. I decided to stop in last minute to buy a bottle of coke and Diet Coke which my husband thought was strange. Turned up and it turns out my hunch was right. If you wanted a drink then it was water or nothing. They provided no soft drinks or diluting juice. Now I don't know if iabu but when i have a party to celebrate something like a birthday etc then I will at least buy soft drinks in!! I would be mortified if people showed up and I couldn't offer them anything but water Confused my SIL father asked for a soft drink and
she came out the kitchen and scolded him because he knows she doesn't buy soft drinks Hmm you're having a party!! So there we were all drinking the Coke if brought. Is it me or do you at least provide soft drinks??

OP posts:
frikadela01 · 28/08/2016 05:04

To me BYOB refers to alcohol. Soft drinks are usually provided.
Other than that, I don't really move in circles that do fancy dinner parties so am not familiar with the concept of a host/hostess gift (I once know what one is, it's just not something we do) If we're invited anywhere we ask if they want anything bringing and it generally is just to bring some alcohol if you want it.

frikadela01 · 28/08/2016 05:04

Thats meant to be obviously not once

steff13 · 28/08/2016 05:16

If we're hosting a party, we provide everything. I wouldn't have a party for my child's birthday and expect the guests to show up with anything other than a gift for the child, if they so choose.

If we have a gathering that is more potluck style, we make that clear up front, and ask people what they would like to bring. We still provide the main part of the meal, i.e., hamburgers, hot dogs, buns, and condiments.

sixandoot · 28/08/2016 05:19

I really don't think it's particularly unusual at a party for a 1 year old or at any sort of get together for adults or children to not provide sugar-filled rubbish.
Also why is it the responsibility of your sister-in-law and not, apparently, also of your brother?

SofiaAmes · 28/08/2016 05:35

BYOB stands for Bring Your Own Booze. It doesn't specifically say bring your own "drinks." In my world, that means that you bring alcohol and normally host would supply soft drinks and/or juice. I live in Los Angeles, so it's not unheard of for a host not to supply any sodas and just supply "healthy" drinks like juice.

EarthboundMisfit · 28/08/2016 05:48

YANBU.

r2d256 · 28/08/2016 06:08

I've written BYOB on many a party invite, only referring to alcohol simply cos we don't really drink and when we provided the booze we were always left over with a stash we didn't like. We ALWAYS provide soft drinks, both juices and fizzy!! YANBU

VioletBam · 28/08/2016 06:13

Here in Oz people do bring a bottle as a matter of course but hosts always provide a big cooler or two full of ice, beers, soft drinks and fizzy water. That's normal!

KitKat1985 · 28/08/2016 06:16

YANBU. Usually in my experience a host who requests BYOB usually has some soft drinks in (usually juice, lemonade and coke, and sometimes a 'starting selection' of alcohol), and others just bring along a bottle of wine or some beers. Hosting a party and only providing water is pretty tight. Buying in a basic selection of soft drinks would have only cost a few pounds.

ftmsoon · 28/08/2016 06:23

BYOB is 'bring your own booze'. I have never taken soft drinks to a party, they are always provided by the host. Turning up to a party with a gift, something for the BBQ and a bottle of something nice that you have to mix with water to drink would be a very weird party that I probably wouldn't go to again.
On a side note, who has a 'BYOB' party for a first birthday? Confused

Poptart27 · 28/08/2016 06:26

I haven't read the whole thread. But I am shocked although not considering its Mumsnet that it's deemed stingy to turn up to a birthday party empty handed. It's a party. Other than a gift, I don't and have never ever expected anyone to bring anything. Your SIL is tight and not a good host. YANBU.

whateveryousay · 28/08/2016 06:37

YANBU. I would take alcohol whether requested or not, but would be surprised if soft drinks/mixers were not provided.

phillipp · 28/08/2016 06:42

I don't see the issue. Although when I invite people round I do buy wine, beer and soft drinks.

The reason n I don't see the issue is because when my auntie hosts a BBQ, she does it. Mainly because her in laws all have different things they like. One will only drink Cuban rum, the dark/gold ones, one will only drink a certain vodka, one only drinks southern comfort. Some of her grandkids will only drink asda cordial, some only Pepsi, some only lemonade. Etc

It's takes her an age and costs a fortune to buy in this stuff that she doesn't drink herself. So it's easier if she provides the food and they bring their own drink. Then she isn't stuck with half bottles of rum, vodka, archers she doesn't drink, because they take them with them. And it's not cheap stuff they drink.

She has tried buying in the bulk of pop and alcohol etc but there still seems to be someone for her in laws side that moans. Which ends up ruining it for her.

Flum · 28/08/2016 06:46

Ummm, yeah, boring. All of it.

zad716 · 28/08/2016 06:54

We would have taken the same (ie beer and soft drinks), but expected the host to have provided some soft drinks as well.

As a host we would provide some soft drinks, though would appreciate any guests that brought some as well because we probably wouldn't have had enough if everyone was only planning to drink non-alcoholic drinks. We would though be ready to make a quick dash to the local shop to buy some more drinks if we were running out.

lovelybangers · 28/08/2016 07:05

Tight.

Yes, she should have provided a selection of soft drinks.

When I host a party - I provide food, booze and soft drinks. My guests do bring their own drinks along too - without me - writing BYOB on the invitation. Some bring extra food too - unprompted.

I suspect some of it could be cultural/regional though. MIL never brings a bottle when she comes to dinner. Yet SIL does, my parents do. MIL says that when she was growing up and being invited out it was expected that ifsomeone invited you for a meal then everything was provided. (this was prob before drinking wine at home with dinner was the norm maybe)

but yeah - you should have been provided with soft drinks.

EnquiringMingeWantsToKnow · 28/08/2016 07:12

I have a fair few teetotal mates and when I go to BYOB parties the normal form is that the host provides a couple of bottles of lemonade/Coke/OJ but non-drinkers and parents of children also bring their own preferred non-alcoholic beverage. In my mind it means BYO Bottle, and it makes sense especially since non-drinkers might want a specific drink that hasn't been provided.

youarenotkiddingme · 28/08/2016 07:26

Ive always taken it to mean alcohol.

i don't drink so always take some bottles of schloer although I expect, and there has always been, soft drinks to make mixers and squash for children.

Also I take it to mean communal. Every party I've been to people buy a bottle of spirits or a box of beers etc and they are chucked into an ice bucket. There's always far more alcohol than needed.

maddiemookins16mum · 28/08/2016 07:27

It means bring a bottle of Blossom Hill (other superior wines are available to purchase 😊). Soft drinks, juice, tea and coffee should be provided as normal in my view. I'd also have beer, cider and some wine boxes on offer.

PaperdollCartoon · 28/08/2016 07:28

Ah I always like these threads. Pertinent today because we're having a gathering/BBQ for DPs birthday this afternoon.

We're late twenties and still with our friends generally in the 'bring whatever you want to consume yourself and expect nothing' style of our teens, including anything you want to BBQ, where we were just lucky to have a house to have a party in, but have started move out of that now. I think I might be leading the charge on this as well, as I have form for going over the top with providing food for parties where no one else would have done it, and buying in some booze to offer to everyone.

We have some soft drinks cans for people that want them, plus a range of squash, and beers. I will also pick up some wine later but not much. I will do some salads, including pasta/potato salad and have rolls and sauces, plus crisps and dips out. I've said bring whatever you want to put on the BBQ because we have a vegan house and whilst I'm happy for people to cook meat on my BBQ, I'm not paying for it. I expect people will mostly bring their own food and drinks, but we do have some things to be getting going with. Does this sound alright to everyone?

thepurplehen · 28/08/2016 07:33

If you're going to have a party, you provide at least soft drinks, in my opinion.

It really grates that some people want to have the "good bits" of having a party with none of the costs.

Yanbu.

cdtaylornats · 28/08/2016 07:38

It would never occur to me to bring alcohol to a 1 year olds birthday party.

Dontyoulovecalpol · 28/08/2016 07:39

She's a tightwad OP. It's not mega stinge to show up empty handed when you have been invited to a party. A bottle as a gift for hosts and that's it. If you've been told to byob (rude) you bring what you want to drink but the hosts still has a small stock if they are any sort of host

Dontneedausername · 28/08/2016 07:40

If we're having a BBQ, we provide all the soft drinks, some beers/wine. And all the food! I would say to friends bringing kids to take stuff for their kids if they are fussy and don't want BBQ food. I wouldn't specify BYOB, but would mention to people what we have in, and to bring anything they specifically want to drink. We're all at the age where most of us have young kids, so it's never a massive boozy event.
I think it's rude to invite people, if you aren't actually providing for them!

Dontyoulovecalpol · 28/08/2016 07:52

"Today 07:38 cdtaylornats

It would never occur to me to bring alcohol to a 1 year olds birthday party."

It wouldn't occur to you? Even after you read the invite which asked to to BYOB? How bizarre