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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BYOB what does it cover?

84 replies

manyathingyouknow · 28/08/2016 01:24

I'm just back from attending my niece's 1st birthday party and I'm not sure iabu. It was a barbecue and my sister in law had sent out a text saying BYOB last week. No problem (I'd have provided drink if I were inviting people round for a get together like a child's birthday party but each to their own) and my husband gets himself sorted with some beers. i was driving so I wouldn't be having alcohol. I decided to stop in last minute to buy a bottle of coke and Diet Coke which my husband thought was strange. Turned up and it turns out my hunch was right. If you wanted a drink then it was water or nothing. They provided no soft drinks or diluting juice. Now I don't know if iabu but when i have a party to celebrate something like a birthday etc then I will at least buy soft drinks in!! I would be mortified if people showed up and I couldn't offer them anything but water Confused my SIL father asked for a soft drink and
she came out the kitchen and scolded him because he knows she doesn't buy soft drinks Hmm you're having a party!! So there we were all drinking the Coke if brought. Is it me or do you at least provide soft drinks??

OP posts:
cdtaylornats · 28/08/2016 08:06

No I would bring soft drinks, I would think,
alcohol + children + barbecue = accident waiting to happen

Dontyoulovecalpol · 28/08/2016 08:10

Wow. Have you been to a BBQ before? I have never been to a dry BBQ. I'd probably leave pretty sharpish if I found myself at oneShock

Rattusn · 28/08/2016 08:11

BYOB= bring your own booze

I would therefore assume soft drinks would be provided, after all supermarket own brand 2l bottles are pennies.

Very stingy.

wheresthel1ght · 28/08/2016 08:15

Alcohol at a kids party is a majorly bad idea, even more so when the child is 1. Wtf is wrong with people that they feel they cannot possible go to a party without being able to drink??!!

I have dd's birthday parties at the house. We have a large garden and she is a summer baby so while we can get away with doing it at home we will. I never provide alcohol. If you cannot survive 2-3 hours of a kids party without alcohol then bring your own or don't come.

I do however provide endless soft drinks inc tea and coffee. That said if there is a genuine reason why she doesn't have them in the house then she might not be unreasonable. On the surface she is but there might be a good reason

Nanunanu · 28/08/2016 08:17

Surely bbq etiquette is 'oh lovely. We'd be thrilled to come. What can we bring? '

'Oh it would be great if you could bring x y z. And maybe a couple of beers'

Bbqs are expensive with all that meat. But that's the choice you make when you throw a bbq for a birthday party.

As hosts you provide some soft drinks and some alcohol and guests bring some more. Anything that is left over drinks wise is kept for the next party

Togaparties · 28/08/2016 08:24

paperdoll I'd always assume that someone inviting me to a BBQ would be providing BBQ food i.e. Meat. If I'm expected to bring my own food I may as well just have a BBQ at home!

NicknameUsed · 28/08/2016 08:28

"and a bottle of vodka minimum I would say!"

For a first birthday party? Really Hmm

I realise that as it is a barbecue that alcohol is probably the norm, but if I was driving I would take my own soft drinks as well because the host may not have the soft drink of my choice. However, I do think it is very tight to only provide water.

In my circle the drivers often want a cup of tea, and I would always offer hot drinks to all guests anyway.

0hCrepe · 28/08/2016 08:33

I don't see the problem. The op took soft drink she likes and drank it. I've been to loads of parties where we've been asked to take a dish or something to put on BBQ. The host is still providing the venue and occasion and it's amongst friends, what's wrong with a bit of communal chipping in?

SorryNotSorry · 28/08/2016 08:41

I think people are getting caught up on the bbq part. It was a birthday party presumably everyone was invited to celebrate the birthday of their child and probably brought a present with them. That is not the same as a gathering for no reason.
You wouldn't be expected to turn up to a non BBQ birthday party with a plate of sandwiches and a tin foil covered orange studded with cheese and pineapple.
Hosting is expensive that is why it's not obligatory, they want the presents they should host, feed and hydrate their guests!

PaperdollCartoon · 28/08/2016 08:44

TogaParties 90% of all the BBQs I've been to have been bring your own stuff to stick on the BBQ. Only ones I wouldn't take something too (pre vegan, now I always take food to things) would be at my parents or in laws. Its not just about the food it's about gathering to see people and socialise, I don't know many people who could afford to feed 25 people at a BBQ. If any of my friends we're only interested in having food provided and not the socialising bit, I'd be quite happy for them not to come on that grounds.

AndYourBirdCanSing · 28/08/2016 08:46

Paperdoll I think people would be expecting you to provide some?! Great if guests bring some meat as well but surely you can't expect people to bring it all. Unless this is how it is done with your friends, but I wouldn't feel comfortable doing this as a host. I'm veggie but assume burgers and sausages as a minimum?

Dontyoulovecalpol · 28/08/2016 08:51

Paperdoll sounds very impersonal- like a street party or something where you've organised a communal event rather than hosting a party. You may as well have it in a park or by a river or somewhere.

Wheresthel1ght:
"Alcohol at a kids party is a majorly bad idea, even more so when the child is 1. Wtf is wrong with people that they feel they cannot possible go to a party without being able to drink??!!

I have dd's birthday parties at the house. We have a large garden and she is a summer baby so while we can get away with doing it at home we will. I never provide alcohol. If you cannot survive 2-3 hours of a kids party without alcohol then bring your own or don't come."

What's wrong with alcohol? In this country people have alcohol at social events, it's a big part of the culture. What do you think if people have alcohol they'll all get steaming drunk? You sound proper uptight.

1st birthday parties aren't about the babies, they don't know what's going on

PaperdollCartoon · 28/08/2016 08:52

AndYourBirdCanSing I won't buy meat, my friend and family know this and are fine with it. I have vegan burgers and sausages people are very welcome to!

But actually that has nothing to do with it, I have never been to a BBQ with our friends where the meat/sausages/burgers was provided for everyone. It's just not how we do things. Some drinks and nibbles yes but not the main stuff. The fact I'll have salads, rolls, lots of soft drinks etc actually means I'll have more than would be standard in our circle.

0hCrepe · 28/08/2016 08:53

Actually I have taken a pudding to a wedding (it was done as a competition!) and a plate of food to a 40th.

Jaguar16 · 28/08/2016 08:54

I've always read it as bring your own booze Wine

PaperdollCartoon · 28/08/2016 08:54

At our Christmas parties and house warming earlier this year I did have drinks for everyone and lots of food/nibbles, this is pretty unusual and I'm known for going overboard! But it's just not how we do BBQs/garden parties.

MargaretCavendish · 28/08/2016 08:56

I would absolutely always get soft drinks in for a party. We have been caught short when having just a couple of friends over, though - we drink nothing but water and so while I'd always make sure we had beer and wine in to go with dinner, I have been embarrassed when someone's asked for a soft drink instead and we have nothing. It's embarrassing for a reason, though - soft drinks should be provided be the host!

PurpleDaisies · 28/08/2016 08:58

I'm amazed at people saying that children's parties need to be teetotal. It's a celebration and as long as people aren't getting hammered of course it's fine to have a beer or a glass of wine. Are we we saying that despite being legally fine to drive you are unable to supervise a child at a party? Confused

In answer to the op, I'd definitely assume that soft drinks were provided but if you wanted anything alcoholic you has to bring that yourself.

Foslady · 28/08/2016 09:11

Another who assumes it's b for booze, but due to being caught out a few times usually brings a soft drink along if taking a child/driver along. I think it's one of those open ended ones that if you don't as you go prepared to cover all bases.

iklboo · 28/08/2016 09:20

Another one asking why is your SIL tight but not your brother? Presumably they were joint hosts?

wheresthel1ght · 28/08/2016 09:22

Purple - considering I disagree entirely that there should be a limit above absolute zero for alcohol and driving yes I do think kids parties should be teetotal. Alcohol Impairs judgement and reaction times and I strongly believe that if you are responsible for looking after kids - especially ones that aren't your own - then you should not touch alcohol.

2-3 hours of a kids party should not be an issue to go without alcohol unless you have a severe problem.

KoalaDownUnder · 28/08/2016 09:29

wheresthe Putting aside the driving issue, you think nobody should have a glass of wine at a party if there are children present?

You sound fun. Hmm

PurpleDaisies · 28/08/2016 09:34

Not everyone at the party will be supervising children in the way that not everyone in a car will be driving. You would have all the passengers remain sober as well as the driver?

Every child's party I've been to has had wine. Most people have had a glass or two at most. No children suffered in the slightest.

Queenbean · 28/08/2016 09:40

She's a tightwad OP. It's not mega stinge to show up empty handed when you have been invited to a party. A bottle as a gift for hosts and that's it

If you're bringing a gift for the host then you're not turning up empty handed are you! Hmm

missingmumxox · 28/08/2016 09:56

Never ceases to amaze me how picky people like to be on MN.
So first birthday party presuming the child in question is not some sort of weird genius the party is probably an excuse for a get together, I have never served alcohol at my children's birthday party because it was a children's party any parents present are just hangers on for the VIP children, my children 1st birthday party was just an excuse for a get together and a "remember us, we used to have a life and we have survived the 1st year" no other children where invited unless their parents where our friends.
Why did no one take the host or hostess aside and tell them how peculiar it was not to provide soft drink because for the record BYOB is alcohol, I would of if it were my brother, and I would have take a fiver off him and nipped to the nearest supermarket. Basics 2 types of squash at least! Feeling more generous lemonade, cola, sparkling water and if you are really pushing the boat out fruit juices, this is not expensive.
For the record we always bring our own soft drinks as I can only drink diet drinks and my son is autistic and will only drink certain things.

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