Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not agree with his choice

169 replies

ShinyDiscoBalls · 26/08/2016 22:29

My nan sadly passed away last year, and left a substantial amount of money to myself and younger brother. After initially spending a large amount on home improvements and our soon to be born DS (who is now 6 months) we decided to put the rest away to help out in the future and while I was off work after maternity leave.
My DH is currently doing a post grad qualification at uni as well as working full time, and has the option of doing a masters next year. The qualification has been paid for by work, however the masters must be paid by himself. Basically he wants me to use my nan's money to fund his masters.
I feel selfish saying no, as I feel it should be 'our' money with us being married. We have a fantastic relationship and I want him to be happy, but I also feel he's being a bit mean expecting us to use the money for himself.

There are a lot of things I would have spent the money on had I been single, but I'm not, and I felt the money was best saved for our family. AIBU??

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 27/08/2016 09:16

Try to put where the money has come from out of your mind. It is now family money. If the money was savings or profit from an investment, what would you want to do with it? How able would you feel to fund a masters for your DH as a family right now?

T0ddlerSlave · 27/08/2016 09:26

Presumably the masters is part time. DH did a pt masters while working and we managed to save each month for the instalments. Any chance you could be willing for half the payment to come from the inheritance and save the rest?

nursepearl · 27/08/2016 10:24

A masters would cost a lot more than 3,500 you're looking at 2/3 times that much probably. I don't think I would use the money for it and if the unthinkable happens and you split in the future I would be really annoyed to think that my inheritance would now only benefit him, that's cynical I know.

Original poster
ShinyDiscoBalls · 27/08/2016 10:31

In all honesty, I think my nan would have wanted it to be saved or used on DS, I definitely don't think she would have approved of my DH using it solely on himself :/
I know we definitely wouldn't have been able to afford to fund it just based on our current income, which is why I think I'm a bit annoyed by it all, the fact that he just expects me to transfer the money over to him for him to use it. Especially when I'm sacrificing that I've always wanted to do a masters myself, which he knows. We've spent a lot of the money on the house, a new kitchen, new driveway (which I also wasn't too keen on) so I feel as if we've spent enough on the family and now we should save the rest

OP posts:
Original poster
ShinyDiscoBalls · 27/08/2016 10:33

I completely agree nursepearl I thought the same myself

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 27/08/2016 10:34

Disco: I think you need to put your foot down here. As a family you have no savings for contingencies, for your DS to go to uni or buy a home, for a family holiday, for old age planning - correct? That being the case, this is your DH proposing spending the lump sum you do have on something that is only going to benefit him in the short term, and possibly no-one in the long-term. His priorities are completely out, and you should just say no, nothing to do with your nan, just no.

DoreenLethal · 27/08/2016 10:38

Personally, I'd tell him that I would be putting it away to spend on your masters. The rest has gone on the family, when are you going to get some for yourself? Never if he has his way.

I would not dream of asking my OH for an inheritance to fund my learning. It's very cheeky to even ask, particularly if the same ish amount has just gone on a new car for him.

tinytemper66 · 27/08/2016 10:40

My mum gave me £5000 for my 50th birthday earlier this year, for me to spend how I wanted to. My husband said I should invest it, with interest rats so low! No! I told him straight, it is my money so I am going to spend it how I see fit - on making memories with him , family and friends by going on different holidays, ie Christmas market in December, Center Parcs, summer holiday and also a trip to states to visit old school friend. Life is too short to be careful on times. [Have no mortgage] My money, I choose how to spend it. Remind him that it is YOUR money.Try to buy yourself something out of it to remind yourself of your kana - piece of jewellery etc. If he wants to do a Masters then he needs to fund it himself.

Bagina · 27/08/2016 10:44

Most people don't have the luxury of being able to afford a masters, especially as they usually have little or no impact on a job role. We looked into one recently and were shocked to find they're now about 9k!!! It is something he should be asking an employer to fund.

It's not a good use of money imo. I would say no to him. I would also find out how much it does actually cost.

Also if my nan had left me enough money for a masters, then it would be me doing it and not dh!!!

Nzou1050 · 27/08/2016 10:46

The government have just introduced for the first time this year postgraduate loans for masters. You can borrow up to £10,000 and it works on the same basis as an undergrad loan. You only pay back 6% I think it is of your earnings above £21,000 and it gets written off either after 30 years or when your 60 or 65 (can't remember which). It would run concurrently to paying back an undergrad loan, so if he has an undergrad loan to pay back at 9% of his income as well he would be paying back 15% of anything he earns over £21,000 which I don't think is that bad, obviously depending on what he earns. Maybe suggest that too him then he can decide how much he wants to do it? Ie is his desire to do the masters enough to have the debt tied to him to pay back (in a fairly affordable way as loans go) or is he just wanting to do it on a whim because he sees the money as already there so why not?

Crisscrosscranky · 27/08/2016 10:46

My masters is costing £3500 a year for 2 years of the 3 and £3000 for the dissertation year. I applied for a scholarship and have managed to reduce the fees this way by £1500 a year- is this an option for him?

He can get a postgraduate student loan this year and pay it back at a low rate out of his salary in the future. I am in the same position as your DH in that a master probably won't make a huge amount of difference in the future but I'd still like to do it- I'd never dream of using family money to do it as my choice shouldn't impact on the rest of the family being able to have a nice holiday etc.

BoxofSnails · 27/08/2016 10:49

Is it his first master's? Why can't he take out a student loan (like most people have to) - it's repaid like an undergrad student loan from PAYE. I'm intending to do that if work won't agree to fund (all of) mine.

ENormaSnob · 27/08/2016 10:51

I think hes a cheeky sod tbh.

Trifleorbust · 27/08/2016 10:53

It is interesting how many posters are happy to draw a distinction between the OP's money and family money when it's an inheritance. I wouldn't do this, I would just say it all goes into the same pot. But I wouldn't be spending the whole pot on something for one person, not when there were so many other things to focus on.

Original poster
ShinyDiscoBalls · 27/08/2016 10:55

I completely agree, I think we should save it and maybe have a nice family holiday when DS is a bit older, and then maybe put a large chunk away in a junior ISA or whatever.
I do think his priorities are wrong, and I think I'd feel I was being very unreasonable if I expected some of his inheritance to be for my own personal use
That's exactly what I've said, if we knew the masters would essentially improve our lives or mean a better job or whatever then I'd be fully encouraging it, but that isn't the case
I think I'm just scared he will resent me if I put my foot down and say no, I'm not willing to give you the money
I'm not sure about loans etc, cos he had a student loan for his degree so does that affect anything?

OP posts:
Pisssssedofff · 27/08/2016 10:57

Oh no you don't spend the money on improving his career prospects, cheeky bugger to even ask.

I'm cynical recently divorced but my ex used family money to get an MBA but wanted my boob job to be deducted from my share of the settlement.
Please look after your own interests, nobody else will

ImperialBlether · 27/08/2016 11:01

He's already had money for his car. Have you had anything just for you out of the money?

He wants to do an MA but doesn't want the promotion that could go with it - sorry, that's just doing it for fun/ego and you shouldn't fund that with your inheritance. It's not as though he's going to earn more, which would fund your own MA in the future.

I think you need some savings just in case and (hopefully) if you don't use it, you should use it for your own MA.

I think he's being greedy, tbh.

Oopsiedaiseyy · 27/08/2016 11:03

The government have introduced Post graduate loans - get him to apply for that instead. I know you share money but that was an inheritance so I think it's a little different. Also wise to have it as a safety net!

Nzou1050 · 27/08/2016 11:05

If he's had an undergrad loan he can still get the masters loan, he'll just have to pay them both back side by side. However, he won't be eligible for it if he has a masters already or equivalent level qualification I believe.

WindInThePussyWillows · 27/08/2016 11:08

You can get student finance for masters degrees now, and you pay them back the same as usual undergraduate loans (small amount out work pay check).
I'd explore that first.

Bagina · 27/08/2016 11:09

I think the latest advice is also not to put money in savings, especially the likes of junior isas. He's also has his car payment and home improvements. That would alleviate any guilt.

BengalCatMum · 27/08/2016 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmysTiara · 27/08/2016 11:10

I agree with you OP.

BengalCatMum · 27/08/2016 11:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Motherfuckers · 27/08/2016 11:15

You are happy to fund a new car but not an education? Wow. Can he sell the car and put the money to better use?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread