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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pick the bigger/nicer house

425 replies

SiriusBlackDeservedBetter · 25/08/2016 21:47

All names/locations have all been changed.

My Great Uncle had no kids and passed away months ago, recently his solicitor got into contact, which was rather suprising as although he had some money, I didn't think I'd get anything at all.

He's left my sister and I a house each, the issue is with the way his Will is written. It states:

'I leave Rose either the Birchwood house or the Maple house to choose from and then Lily may have whichever one has not been chosen'

This means that I get first pick of 2 houses and then my sister can have whichever one I don't pick.

I don't know why he's written it up like that, we both barely saw or even knew him.

My sister and I both have homes of our own, I have a 2 bed house with 1 DC and she has a 3 bed house with 4 DC.

Birchwood House is absolutely lovely, it's 4 beds, a dining room, a massive garden and it's only 20 mins away from our current location.

Whereas Maple House is an hour and a half away, in a rural area, it's a bungalow with 3 beds.

I want to pick Birchwood house and live in it and either sell or rent out our current property, DSis thinks that that would be really selfish of me as she needs the space more and as her kids are older it would be too disruptive to move them any further then our current location, but I think she could sell Maple House and her current house and upgrade and stay in the area, she argues that I could do the same, which is true.

OP posts:
SillyMoomin · 26/08/2016 06:30

Follow the will

jay55 · 26/08/2016 06:31

Your sister doesnt want the hassle of selling two houses, but she's happy for you to have that hassle?
Take the house you want.

throwingpebbles · 26/08/2016 06:33

Sell both and split the proceeds equally. It would be awful to fall out over money, and not what your uncle would wish for. Life is too short.

heron98 · 26/08/2016 06:35

I couldn't do that to my own sister. It seems so unfair. I'd agree to sell both and split the money.

SilverBat · 26/08/2016 06:35

Also don't forget that Capital gains tax and inheritance tax might come into play.

FullTimeYummy · 26/08/2016 06:38

To the people saying the sister is ungrateful and greedy, therefore the OP should take the better house.

Surely by that logic, the OP would then be selfish and greedy?

KeyserSophie · 26/08/2016 06:43

I would have them both valued, take Birchwood and give my sister the difference in cash so that we received assets to an equal value. I could understand why my sister would be upset given that the will is somewhat arbitrary and neither of you were close to him.

Trifleorbust · 26/08/2016 06:43

FullTime: Except that the house was left to the OP, so she might be not particularly prepared to martyr herself for her sister, but she isn't being selfish to choose to keep something that belongs to her. The difficulty with this is that it is a bit of a zero sum game - both want the actual house, not value of the house, so the OP can only give her sister what she wants by giving up something she was given, that she desperately wants herself. When you're 12 and this is a new top or a muffin, fair enough, but this is potentially her whole life as she sees it working out - her kids' schools, her garden, her pets. It's not selfish to not want to hand that over to someone else just because they believe they need it more.

SillyMoomin · 26/08/2016 06:44

Do all those suggesting that the op give her sister the difference in cash value, what if she doesn't have £20k / £50k / £100k stuffed under the mattress?

Trifleorbust · 26/08/2016 06:45

That being said, I probably would share the financial value with her, because I'm a softie. I don't think my sisters would ever ask - they would just talk about me behind my back 😂

IssMc · 26/08/2016 06:48

Is your sister younger than you? Is that why he might have worded it that way? Might it also have been hard for him to imagine the houses being sold?

I would sell both houses and split the proceeds evenly. I've seen inheritance issues divide families that love eachother and wouldn't be at all certain that my sister could just drop this and forget all about it even after she is settled in a new house. Even if she tried really hard it would remain under the surface. It's really not worth it. Sometimes it's better to just have nothing trust me! I am sure your sister means more to you than a nice house and you mean more to her than the less nice house but it's hard to cope with inequality in a family and if she feels hurt that won't go anywhere. It's really not helpful to say you should both be grateful for what you have. Feelings just aren't that tidy and simple.

FullTimeYummy · 26/08/2016 06:56

Trifleorbust, I see what your saying, but I don't agree the house is the OPs in anything but the legal sense. She has been gifted it out of the blue by somebody who, from the sounds of it, was almost a stranger.

If the sisters had both grown up in the house, then I would agree with you. But neither of them have an emotional attachment to the house beyond "god daaaaamn, that's a nice house".

Trifleorbust · 26/08/2016 06:58

FullTime: But it has been gifted to her. This is no different to someone giving my sister £1,000 as a present and me asking her if I could have it instead. I wouldn't expect anything but to be laughed at!

Pisssssedofff · 26/08/2016 06:59

No way would I let anything like this come between my sister and I and we barely speak. I would sell both and split the proceeds equally then you can both move or improve. Anything else will sour relations which is certainly not what your uncle wanted

Trifleorbust · 26/08/2016 07:01

Also I think it's difficult to judge when reading something like this, because we all start picturing our own siblings and emotion comes into play. I have lots of sisters, not one of whom would dream of asking me to give up something so significant just because they wanted it instead. And for that reason, I would give it to them. Some people - naming no names but think people closely related to me - have sisters who will stamp their feet over the best looking croissant on the plate, so tend to elicit less sympathy from me!

YelloDraw · 26/08/2016 07:01

I must say I find the proportion of "do what YOU want, fuck your sister" responses disappointing, no wonder inheritance is a nightmare.

Indeed.

OP wasn't close to this man. She didn't visit him. She didn't look after him. She doesn't particularly 'deserve' the better house over her sister.

YelloDraw · 26/08/2016 07:03

Talk the house, mortgage it up a bit to pay IHT and give some cash to your sister to make the value of the inheritance the same. I just can't see how that isn't a win win all round.

FRETGNIKCUF · 26/08/2016 07:06

Choose the bigger one.

It's tough but not your fault he allowed you to choose and not your fault your sister had four children.

Also she can sell the bungalow and upgrade her own place.

FullTimeYummy · 26/08/2016 07:06

Trifle, I think it is a little different. If somebody, seemingly without rhyme or reason gave your sister £1000 and you £600, i think it would be good etiquette for her to offer to split the difference.

Obviously it would be rude of you to ask to split the difference, but if you did ask, it would be pretty cold of your sister to flat out refuse, given that neither of you woke up that morning expecting to be given anything, if you see what I mean.

Trifleorbust · 26/08/2016 07:06

"She doesn't particularly 'deserve' the better house over her sister."

I don't think she thinks she does. The difficulty is that nor does her sister 'deserve' it. It was gifted to her. If my sister finds £20, am I entitled to half because she didn't 'earn' it?

Trifleorbust · 26/08/2016 07:09

FullTime: I think it would be incredibly kind for her to offer to split the difference, but not good manners - that implies some sort of obligation and actually, there is no obligation here. The uncle liked the OP more so gave her the choice. Sister has sour grapes.

TheInternetIsForPorn · 26/08/2016 07:13

Pick the house you want. Love it. Enjoy it and be grateful. This isn't your fault. It's just the way things are.

FullTimeYummy · 26/08/2016 07:16

Trifle, I agree with pretty much everything you've said there fwiw.

In an ideal world the OP would have offered to split the money the instant she learned about the good fortune and before the details of the houses were known (I'm assuming the will didn't contain a link to rightmove.co.uk!). The sister would surely have accepted that offer and everybody would be happy.

Instead it seems the gifthorse has been given a thorough inspection by all parties which is regrettable.

Look at it this way, if the two sisters were out walking and found something valuable*, "fuck off I saw it first" type bickering isn't a mature response.

  • for arguments sake an attempt was made to trace the owner etc.
Mrscog · 26/08/2016 07:16

I think I'd be tempted to follow the will, but... have you looked on Right Move to see what you could get if you took the maple house and sold it and then bought in the Birchwood area?

If there were other options you'd love just as much it could be an option?

Trifleorbust · 26/08/2016 07:19

"Look at it this way, if the two sisters were out walking and found something valuable*, "fuck off I saw it first" type bickering isn't a mature response."

😂

Love it.