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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pick the bigger/nicer house

425 replies

SiriusBlackDeservedBetter · 25/08/2016 21:47

All names/locations have all been changed.

My Great Uncle had no kids and passed away months ago, recently his solicitor got into contact, which was rather suprising as although he had some money, I didn't think I'd get anything at all.

He's left my sister and I a house each, the issue is with the way his Will is written. It states:

'I leave Rose either the Birchwood house or the Maple house to choose from and then Lily may have whichever one has not been chosen'

This means that I get first pick of 2 houses and then my sister can have whichever one I don't pick.

I don't know why he's written it up like that, we both barely saw or even knew him.

My sister and I both have homes of our own, I have a 2 bed house with 1 DC and she has a 3 bed house with 4 DC.

Birchwood House is absolutely lovely, it's 4 beds, a dining room, a massive garden and it's only 20 mins away from our current location.

Whereas Maple House is an hour and a half away, in a rural area, it's a bungalow with 3 beds.

I want to pick Birchwood house and live in it and either sell or rent out our current property, DSis thinks that that would be really selfish of me as she needs the space more and as her kids are older it would be too disruptive to move them any further then our current location, but I think she could sell Maple House and her current house and upgrade and stay in the area, she argues that I could do the same, which is true.

OP posts:
Atenco · 25/08/2016 23:52

All I can say is I wish I were your sister. Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth. If you hadn't been left anything and she'd been left the house in the country she would have been thrilled.

NapQueen · 25/08/2016 23:55

Gosh if my sister with no kids was willed one big house and me (with my two kids in a flat) was willed a smaller house I'd be thanking my lucky stars I was willed anything at all and sell the willed house and improve my life.

Some people are so selfish!

sleeponeday · 26/08/2016 00:18

I think your last post is more than reasonable. You need the school catchment of the bigger house; she doesn't. You like the house for itself; she doesn't. You are happy to sell yours and split the valuation difference, so she's not actually out at all monetarily or emotionally - she just doesn't want the hassle of selling two houses so she can buy one (and one large enough to house her kids with a bedroom each, at that).

To be honest the person I feel sorry for is the cousin who visited your uncle yet was cut out of the will. Not your sis, who is pouting because she "only" gets the smaller of two mortgage free houses. That's lottery winning money to a lot of people, if you live in the south-east.

Mwahah · 26/08/2016 00:22

Errrmmm... If you were my sister, I'd want you to chose your house, like lovely uncle wished, and I'd be v v grateful to receive the other one. No resentment; it was never mine to begin with

cocog · 26/08/2016 00:24

What's to say you won't eventually have as many children as your sister has. Now finances are better! Have the bigger house your sister can sell both hers and get a larger one more locally if that's what she chooses! Don't feel bad either you are both very lucky!

hungryhippo90 · 26/08/2016 00:30

Hmm. How did you end up being the one with the option? Sorry I'm quite nosey.
You choose what you want. Your sister is still in a very lucky position to have been given A HOUSE by someone she barely knew by the sounds of it!

lordStrange · 26/08/2016 00:32

Why don't you all just live at Birchwood? Grin

RandomBlueHat · 26/08/2016 00:33

What was great Uncle like? Could his intention have been to stir up trouble?

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 26/08/2016 00:43

Don't give up Birchwood. If you were to let your sister have it, there would be nothing you could do if she decided to put it on the market the day after the deeds were signed over to her.
Then you'd really feel what resentment means.

MargaretRiver · 26/08/2016 00:50

The uncle worded it like that because he wanted family members to go on living in the house
For whatever reason he gave you first choice ( oldest? Remind him of his Mum / Sister who knows)
Either with the expectation that you would pick Birchwood but wanting it to seem a bit more equal
Or being a bit behind the times house-values wise and thinking the were more equal
Either way, selling Birchwood would go against his wishes
Live in it and enjoy it

You might want to make it square with your sister by splitting the difference but first of all make very sure that you won't be short as I'd be surprised if the house doesn't need some money spending on it ( bathroom, kitchen, etc)

LittleBeautyBelle · 26/08/2016 01:08

It's not her call. Your uncle wanted you to have first pick. I think her trying to pressure you into making her the favored one is a low move. Your sister is trying to manipulate you to make the will how she wants it and for that reason alone I don't think it's a good idea to cave in to her.

Your uncle wrote his will wisely. I suggest you follow his wishes for his property. She is getting a house too, she could sell both hers and it and buy what she wants. You love the Birchwood House, and your uncle wanted you to have it. Enjoy moving into this lovely house and making it your own. Do not allow her to guilt you anymore over this.

SingaSong12 · 26/08/2016 01:09

If this is going to cause resentment and you currently have a good relationship then I would offer to sell both properties and split equally. Even if both are very valuable Birchwood is preferred by you both so might cause resentment, either your sis to you for staying there or by you because your Sis made you give up the nicer house. If she doesn't agree take Birchwood as ultimately the choice is legally yours.

Your uncle may have had reasons for favouring you, may have been mischievous or just advised by a solicitor to ensure one of you made the choice and randomly chose you.

However whatever his wishes you need to think about the relationships in your family. Any split/feud/resentment wouldn't just affect you but the children involved seeing their cousins. Resentment/jealousy isn't rational or easy to bite back.

ratspeaker · 26/08/2016 01:28

Take a deep breath, breathe.

Your grand uncle obviously thought the houses were of equal value, maybe he saw something desirable about the bungalow- no stairs.
Does it have a larger garden? With a saleable plot?

I dont know about your situation re children but I started with one and ended up with 4, is it possible you may extend your family.
Or end up caring for family, parents etc

Tbh your sister is being offered a house, free, no mortgage. She could sell or rent.
By the terms of the will you have to choose which house you want.
The will doesnt seem to say sell them both and split the money, or it would never have stated you had to choose one.
You didnt write the will

Btw do either properties have sitting tenants?

hazeimcgee · 26/08/2016 01:42

I was pro sell and split but if DS would take it and not consider "compensating" you then actually just point out you are making the same decision she is. Would still offer her half the difference in thier worth cos that seems fair and reasonable but happy moving to Beechwood.

FullTimeYummy · 26/08/2016 05:19

If for example the combined value of both houses was, say, £500k, then selling both would give you £250k each.

What if you move into Birchwood, your sister sells the other house, then you compensate your sister with enough cash for her to end up with £250k.

This would be an even financial split, but you'd get to live in Birchwood.

I think this would be the fair and diplomatic thing to do. Even if it means taking a secured loan to generate enough cash to makeup the "shortfall".

Owlytellsmesecrets · 26/08/2016 05:44

I'm not undressing the 'shortfall' here!

Choose which one of two lovely properties you would like and DSis can have the other.

I choose the one near a great school which my DD can attend when ready and there is space in the house to extend my family.

Dsis can sell the other house and her house and buy something suitable for her family of 6.

She's being very entitled!

LyndaNotLinda · 26/08/2016 05:49

I would give her the difference in value too unless she starts being really pissy about it.

Basically, you've been given something she wants and she's trying to exert sisterly pressure on you. It's not fair but life isn't fair.

SabineUndine · 26/08/2016 06:12

It's your sister who's been unreasonable. She's been given a WHOLE HOUSE and she's not happy because you've got a better one? I, and millions of other people, would love to be in her place. Don't give in to her.

SilverBat · 26/08/2016 06:13

Whilst giving the difference sounds nice on paper, in reality it might mean that then the OP has to have a mortgage, whereas she could be debt free.

FullTimeYummy · 26/08/2016 06:15

Owly, I put shortfall in quotes as it's not really a shortfall.

I must say I find the proportion of "do what YOU want, fuck your sister" responses disappointing, no wonder inheritance is a nightmare.

The sister has been unreasonable, maybe she feels that OP has always got special treatment and Birchwood is the physical embodiment of that, who knows.

The OP has the opportunity to be the big(ger) sister here and make everybody happy. No matter if she moves into Birchwood, chooses to sell both, or compensates her sister, she'll be (presumably) several hundred thousand better off in every case.

However she might not be on speaking terms with her sister in every case.

FullTimeYummy · 26/08/2016 06:19

Silverbat, the OP would have two houses, with one being rented out. The rent income would cover a substantial loan and then some.

Whichever was you cut it, the OP's financal situation improves dramatically. Is it really worth causing massive upset over the last few percent?

Catsgowoof · 26/08/2016 06:19

Do you think your uncle gave you first choice of houses because he wanted to compensate for you always being bossed about by your pushy sister? :)

Cockblocktopus · 26/08/2016 06:23

I would follow the will.

The house is too small for her anyway. She is better off selling Maple and then deciding what she wants.

VinoTime · 26/08/2016 06:26

If someone gave me a house, I wouldn't be bitching over which house I got. I'd just be bloody grateful the kind wee soul had left it to me to begin with. Jeez!

FTM89 · 26/08/2016 06:28

It's difficult because from the outside looking in I can see her point that they could use the space more, she lives closer to it already etc.
However if it were me I'd take the house because it's fine thinking in terms of fairness when you're on the outside but when it's your life it's different.
Was your uncle a bit mean? I can't help but think his will was set up to cause arguments. Some paintings to your dad, nothing to your cousin who saw him more etc