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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pick the bigger/nicer house

425 replies

SiriusBlackDeservedBetter · 25/08/2016 21:47

All names/locations have all been changed.

My Great Uncle had no kids and passed away months ago, recently his solicitor got into contact, which was rather suprising as although he had some money, I didn't think I'd get anything at all.

He's left my sister and I a house each, the issue is with the way his Will is written. It states:

'I leave Rose either the Birchwood house or the Maple house to choose from and then Lily may have whichever one has not been chosen'

This means that I get first pick of 2 houses and then my sister can have whichever one I don't pick.

I don't know why he's written it up like that, we both barely saw or even knew him.

My sister and I both have homes of our own, I have a 2 bed house with 1 DC and she has a 3 bed house with 4 DC.

Birchwood House is absolutely lovely, it's 4 beds, a dining room, a massive garden and it's only 20 mins away from our current location.

Whereas Maple House is an hour and a half away, in a rural area, it's a bungalow with 3 beds.

I want to pick Birchwood house and live in it and either sell or rent out our current property, DSis thinks that that would be really selfish of me as she needs the space more and as her kids are older it would be too disruptive to move them any further then our current location, but I think she could sell Maple House and her current house and upgrade and stay in the area, she argues that I could do the same, which is true.

OP posts:
bollocksybollocks · 25/08/2016 23:10

I wouldn't feel right about keeping the house, you've given no reason why he should favour you therefore this wouldn't morally feel right, I agree with some others that you should get valuations and give your sister the difference. Your relationship should be more important

MakeMyWineADouble · 25/08/2016 23:14

But op has said dsis doesn't want the money she wants the house! What does you dad think you should do?

PerspicaciaTick · 25/08/2016 23:15

It doesn't sound as though the wording of the will was an accident. Your uncle has quite clearly used a wording which gives you first choice. Deliberately and unequivocally.

I'm sure he had his reasons and I think you and your DSis should respect them by following his instructions.

BestZebbie · 25/08/2016 23:16

If Birchwood is so good because it is near schools etc, and you have a child, why would you take that from your own child in order to give it to your sister's?

MunchCrunch01 · 25/08/2016 23:16

it's odd your sister is against the pair of you selling both properties, it seems the logical thing to do, that way nothing is tainted and there's no ongoing grudge. Your sister could buy the Birchwood, you could sell Maple, and she could give you the difference in cash so that you both had the same amount of cash? Can you find something as nice or better than Birchwood for the money? Surely you can. If she's not happy with an equal share in value, she's a fool, being unfair and I'd just take the larger house per the will.

Saracen · 25/08/2016 23:18

She's your sister. You don't hate her. Go halves with her financially. It's the right thing to do. But you don't have to be a doormat and give her the nicer house; that isn't fair.

If you are both head over heels in love with the nice house, then toss a coin for it. The winner has to stump up so the loser receives the same total assets. The loser will then have enough dosh to be able to buy a nice house of her own.

Mycraneisfixed · 25/08/2016 23:20

If a distant relative left me anything, any house, I'd be so damned grateful I wouldn't be mean-spirited enough to want more, more, more. Take your house. Enjoy it. Appreciate it. Be grateful.
Your sister should be grateful she gets anything at all.

JellyBelli · 25/08/2016 23:21

You cant insist both properties are sold. It doesnt work like that.
Take the house you want and send a thank you to your Uncle.
Your sister has no business kicking up a fuss. She's had a windfall and is being ungrateful.

MunchCrunch01 · 25/08/2016 23:22

a coin toss is a good idea - remind yourselves both of you that inheritance is pure luck, don't let it ruin your relationship - otherwise you'll both be sat eventually in nicer houses and not talking as you've made the other one out to be some sort of advantage taker. You have to come to an equal share arrangement whichever one of you gets the nicer house and financially compensates the other one for the difference in values.

greenfolder · 25/08/2016 23:23

In that case maybe you and dsis flog the houses and give some cash to the cousin!

EJsqidge91 · 25/08/2016 23:24

Take the house. Both me and my sister would if we had the chance, and we wouldnt resent each other for it. If she loves you she will just accept it and move on. FWIW I think she is being unfair by even suggesting that you give it over to you as the will clearly states it's your choice. So sad for her that she had too many children for her current housing situation, and poor girl that she gets a FREE house at all!!! (Said as someone currently living with DP to be able to afford a DEPOSIT on a mortgage) xx

EJsqidge91 · 25/08/2016 23:25

To her**

Original poster
SiriusBlackDeservedBetter · 25/08/2016 23:25

I don't want to give her the house, I think she's being selfish in even asking, her DCs are already in schools so don't gain anything but my DC would.

I do think I like Birchwood whereas to her it would just make her life easier, she wouldn't choose to live in it if it wasn't free iyswim.

I'll offer to get the houses valued and then give her the difference, she won't hate or resent me for it, she'll be annoyed but that's it whereas I think I would resent her for making me give up Birchwood.

OP posts:
Mulberrymanic · 25/08/2016 23:28

I may be going against the grain here but I would keep the house you have chosen. Your sister isn't saying she has earned the right to choose, nor is she saying she was a better great niece. She just likes the house and so do you.
Your great uncle was clearly aware of the value of his properties, he made his decisions and you have both benefited although perhaps in an inequitable way.
I can understand your sister saying she would prefer the bigger house, she is being honest. It doesn't seem like she is claiming it's unfair, just what she would want.
As you say, she'll sell and find a great new house and get over it.
Enjoy your windfall!

ToffeeForEveryone · 25/08/2016 23:29

Yup. Sell both and split the money. If your Dsis doesn't agree with this then she IBU.

littlemissneela · 25/08/2016 23:29

I would also choose the one I wanted, and my sister could then sell the other and put the money towards a new place. I would love to have an uncle do this for me, but it is very unlikely to happen.
Is it likely you'll stay in the house for a very long time? Perhaps even a forever home? Would your sister feel the same way about it, or would she want to live in it for a bit, do it up if it needs it, and then sell up?
The other option is would the bungalow be suitable for extending? Maybe she could do that work on it whilst living in her current place and then move in once the work is all done, and then sell her current place.

The other thing is the perfect looking place might in fact be a money pit. Looks fab from the surface, but before you know it, baths are falling through ceilings and brown water is coming out of the taps ;)

TaterTots · 25/08/2016 23:30

The OP's sister wants the big house, not the money. Even if the OP could convince her sister that the right thing to do is sell both houses and split the profits, it would be an uneasy compromise that doesn't really suit anyone - neither sister has the house they want.

OP was left the house, or rather her choice of house. At least if she picks Birchwood one of them gets what they want. In time the other sister will realise she was damn lucky to get a free house.

CafeCremeMerci · 25/08/2016 23:31

Your sister would take the house in a heartbeat - so why shouldn't you?

If neither of you want to sell the houses, then she needs to accept the way things are. Yes it would be nice for her to have Birchwood & less hassle, but it's tough shit. Why should you miss out to make life easier for her?

PerspicaciaTick · 25/08/2016 23:31

She should be thrilled at your joint good fortune, not expecting you faff around and make up the difference to her. She should sharing the pleasure that you are both lucky to have such substantial bequests - not behaving like a spoilt brat and demanding more.
If she is always like this, then I can quite see why your uncle worded the will as he did.

MunchCrunch01 · 25/08/2016 23:32

as long as your sister gets an equal share of the money it's hard for any reasonable person to get really worked up about - i do think it odd that this house of an old person that is likely not to have had lots done on it in years is some sort of dream house, but if you honestly think she won't want to stab you over the potatoes every year, go for it!

PrimalLass · 25/08/2016 23:40

After your last post OP I think you should definitely do just that. Keep the house and give her the difference in values (although she'll maybe get taxed on that - you'd have to check).

QueenLizIII · 25/08/2016 23:42

A four bed house, Birchwood, still isnt big enough for your sister though.

She has 4 DC and her and presumably her DH. 6 people in a 4 bed house, especially as they are older children is still a bit of a squeeze. She'd need to sell it anyway.

With the other house and her own house, she can probably buy a house that actually suits her families needs and if neither of you want to sell Birchwood, then she can come and see you in it.

yorkshapudding · 25/08/2016 23:45

I agree that your uncle's request itself seems very odd but the wording sounds clear and deliberate, not as if he meant something else but worded it poorly. He clearly wanted you to have first pick. Your sister may feel this is unfair but it's not up to her. He must have had his reasons and whether other people feel they are valid is irrelevant. This is what he wanted so to toss a coin, sell both properties and split the middle etc. is to willingly ignore his wishes. The point of a will isn't so the family can unpick it, decide whether they agree with it and then decide to do their own thing anyway. It's there to make sure the deceased's wishes are carried out.

He may have favoured you over your sister for no good reason but at the end of the day your uncle cared enough about both of you to leave you a house each! He is giving you both an amazingly generous gift. The fact that he has been a bit more generous to one than the other doesn't negate the fact that your sister is getting a free house! Doesn't she realise how amazing that is?? Anyone who can feel hard done by because their free house isn't big enough really needs to have a word with themselves.

I think you should honour the will and do what's right for your own child.

QueenLizIII · 25/08/2016 23:49

Anyone who can feel hard done by because their free house isn't big enough really needs to have a word with themselves.

Quite and the OP intends to live in the bigger house so it stays in the family.

The sister will have two 3 bed houses to sell, one of them mortgage free, and she may well be able to buy a 5 bed house with the proceeds which means all of her DC each get their own room. How could she be unhappy with that?

ivykaty44 · 25/08/2016 23:51

I do wonder if the great uncle got the measure of your sister OP......and thus wrote his will accordingly ?