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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To pick the bigger/nicer house

425 replies

SiriusBlackDeservedBetter · 25/08/2016 21:47

All names/locations have all been changed.

My Great Uncle had no kids and passed away months ago, recently his solicitor got into contact, which was rather suprising as although he had some money, I didn't think I'd get anything at all.

He's left my sister and I a house each, the issue is with the way his Will is written. It states:

'I leave Rose either the Birchwood house or the Maple house to choose from and then Lily may have whichever one has not been chosen'

This means that I get first pick of 2 houses and then my sister can have whichever one I don't pick.

I don't know why he's written it up like that, we both barely saw or even knew him.

My sister and I both have homes of our own, I have a 2 bed house with 1 DC and she has a 3 bed house with 4 DC.

Birchwood House is absolutely lovely, it's 4 beds, a dining room, a massive garden and it's only 20 mins away from our current location.

Whereas Maple House is an hour and a half away, in a rural area, it's a bungalow with 3 beds.

I want to pick Birchwood house and live in it and either sell or rent out our current property, DSis thinks that that would be really selfish of me as she needs the space more and as her kids are older it would be too disruptive to move them any further then our current location, but I think she could sell Maple House and her current house and upgrade and stay in the area, she argues that I could do the same, which is true.

OP posts:

Benedikte2 · 25/08/2016 22:30

You should honour the terms of the will and choose Birchwood. Maybe your uncle knew you liked Birchwood and he preferred that the house remain in the family? Or maybe he just favoured you from the little he saw of you. If he felt you should share equally with your sister he would have directed his executors to sell the two properties and divide the proceeds between you.
Some posters are saying you should give your sister the difference in value but that would mean selling your current house, I imagine.
Life ain't always fair!

Fishface77 · 25/08/2016 22:31

Take the one you want, maybe give her a sum of money to "compensate"?
People who say it's not worth falling out over, if it was you and your kids? You have to look after your own and if the sister would take birch wood then it's a no brainer for me.

CalleighDoodle · 25/08/2016 22:31

Your sister would obviously choose the house she wants without considering your preferences if the will was the other way around.

Choose the birchwood house. Enjoy it. It was your sister's decision to have as many children as she has. That should not be reason to go against the will.

HerRoyalNotness · 25/08/2016 22:34

Pick the house you want and no, you don't need to make up financially go your sister for doing so.

She, along with you, should be thinking. Wow, a gifted house, how lucky we are.

Dontrocktheboat · 25/08/2016 22:35

You are both getting a pretty good deal either way! Your sister would be petty to let this ruin your relationship. Pick the house you want and live on it, surely it is better for it to stay in the family. I think it would be a shame not to given you so obviously want to.

SquinkiesRule · 25/08/2016 22:36

Just do what the will says, it's not like you are picking the house and selling it out from under her. Tell her to get over it, going on about it makes her sound grabby. She should be grateful she was left a nice house that she can go on to sell and buy a bigger home for her family.

YelloDraw · 25/08/2016 22:36

I would make an agreement to sell both houses and split proceeds equally, after the payment of IHT.

Unless I hated my sister, in which case I'd live in the nice one. But that isn't going to do much for future relations!

GeneralBobbit · 25/08/2016 22:37

You both barely saw or knew him and you say there's no reason for him to favour you over her

So you can right this wrong by selling both and splitting the proceeds

A man you barely knew versus a sister you love? It's a no brainer

My answer would be quite different if there was an actual reason, a relationship between you and your uncle

It's not right or fair you get to choose a and its crappy of your uncle to do it

Witchend · 25/08/2016 22:37

Pick the house you want. Clearly your dsis wouldn't be splitting it if she had first choice. You may need more space in the future.

Mycraneisfixed · 25/08/2016 22:39

If pick the one I want. "It's what Uncle would have wanted " etc

carabos · 25/08/2016 22:39

The problem here is that you both want Birchwood. The only way to avoid a fall out is to follow the will to the letter, then your sis can't argue. She'll only be happy if she gets Birchwood, so selling both properties and splitting the proceeds won't help. Giving her a bung to balance the values won't help either because she wants Birchwood.

Just tell her you're sticking to the will and you're having Birchwood and no, it's not fair, but your uncle had his reasons.

Dontrocktheboat · 25/08/2016 22:39

Actually thinking about it, the only reason he would have done this in the will is because he wanted the house(s) to stay in the family, so perhaps you should honour that.

MakeMyWineADouble · 25/08/2016 22:40

the uncle may have had a reason though is there anyone else in the family you can ask to see if he had ever spoken of it??

deste · 25/08/2016 22:42

Her uncle has left both of them a wonderful legacy and you are saying he was crappy. I would say your sister is being very ungrateful indeed. Once she has sold hers and the other one, bought a new house all will be forgotten about.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 25/08/2016 22:42

Draw straws? Toss a coin? Have I stepped into a parallel universe? Ffs! You do as the will states, you honour the wishes of the dead and choose the house you want. Your sister just got a free house, boo fecking hoo she wants a bigger free house, tough, talk about ungratful!! And no you do not financial compensate her, I say again - she just got free surprise house!!!! Tell her sorry she feels that way but your making the best decision for you and your family, why would you make a decision to benefit her family more than your own , madness. If she complains or moans tell her she is an ungratful mare

Nocabbageinmyeye · 25/08/2016 22:43

Maybe your uncle's reason is your sister is clearly not a very nice person!

EastMidsMummy · 25/08/2016 22:43

Spoilt. Noun. Definition: "Boo hoo! I don't like the free house I've been given!"

bumbleymummy · 25/08/2016 22:44

She wants the nicer house and is trying to make you feel guilty. If it was the other way around would she sell both and split proceeds or would she take the nicer house - I would say the latter. Pick the one you want. It sounds beautiful.

alphabook · 25/08/2016 22:44

I would sell both and split the proceeds. Not worth the fallout and resentment. It may be a lovely house but I'm sure there are other lovely houses. Your relationship with your sister is priceless.

greenfolder · 25/08/2016 22:46

its not very fair, but its not of your making. You are both in an unexpectedly fortunate position. Choose the house you want. Tell your sister to be grateful for the gift left to her, which is a whole house for free and to move on with her life.

great uncle probably didn't intend to cause a problem just didn't know which to leave to who. sister can flog the house and buy something just as lovely. you can't spend the rest of your life looking at her living in your house!

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/08/2016 22:46

Sell both and split the money

Then both buy another house in same village of that's where you want to live

Are you parents alive? What do they think about what their brother did?

Nocabbageinmyeye · 25/08/2016 22:46

The uncle is crappy?? I wish I had a crappy uncle. The sister now she's crappy -an ungratful bitch-

Rachel0Greep · 25/08/2016 22:47

Pick the house you want. Go for it.

Bluebolt · 25/08/2016 22:48

My FIL left a badly worded will, DP and his siblings agreed immediately to sell all assets and splitting equally. It has made them even closer. My uncle left a will that split his children, spent years in probate and I do not think his children will speak again. I would share and I hope my own children would treat each other fairly.

ivykaty44 · 25/08/2016 22:50

The I can't believe your sister is getting a house for nothing - yet complaining it's not the right house and she wants the house you've got.

If she doesn't like the house she has got then she can sell it, but to tell you you should give her your house and you can sell the bungalow she doesn't want is a bit much

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