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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pick the bigger/nicer house

425 replies

SiriusBlackDeservedBetter · 25/08/2016 21:47

All names/locations have all been changed.

My Great Uncle had no kids and passed away months ago, recently his solicitor got into contact, which was rather suprising as although he had some money, I didn't think I'd get anything at all.

He's left my sister and I a house each, the issue is with the way his Will is written. It states:

'I leave Rose either the Birchwood house or the Maple house to choose from and then Lily may have whichever one has not been chosen'

This means that I get first pick of 2 houses and then my sister can have whichever one I don't pick.

I don't know why he's written it up like that, we both barely saw or even knew him.

My sister and I both have homes of our own, I have a 2 bed house with 1 DC and she has a 3 bed house with 4 DC.

Birchwood House is absolutely lovely, it's 4 beds, a dining room, a massive garden and it's only 20 mins away from our current location.

Whereas Maple House is an hour and a half away, in a rural area, it's a bungalow with 3 beds.

I want to pick Birchwood house and live in it and either sell or rent out our current property, DSis thinks that that would be really selfish of me as she needs the space more and as her kids are older it would be too disruptive to move them any further then our current location, but I think she could sell Maple House and her current house and upgrade and stay in the area, she argues that I could do the same, which is true.

OP posts:
SisterViktorine · 26/08/2016 08:41

I think you should move into Birchwood pronto to end the argument. You clearly adore it and I think you will regret it forever if you don't.

Your sister can sell both her houses (her own and Maple) and buy something she loves too. She will get over it!

Trifleorbust · 26/08/2016 08:43

Absolutely not a given. It's nice for siblings to share but it's not obligatory FGS. We grow up, move out and have our own families - we don't have to give our siblings half of everything when we grow up Confused

Pisssssedofff · 26/08/2016 08:43

Because it's your sister and the "facts" are irrelevant in my mind. I know I'll not be afforded that grace when it comes to my parents dads got fuck all and my mum will leave three siblings everything and me nothing but that's fine it's worth it not to have to speak to the cnut.

I think inheritance, lottery wins etc you share out amongst immediate family but realise that's probably just me

GrumpyOldBag · 26/08/2016 08:43

Just read back a few pages & see the OP has agreed to give her sis some money to even out the difference.

M0rven · 26/08/2016 08:45

No the OP is not my sister !!!

And no, she woudl never DREAM of offering and I wouldnt ask as I know what the answer would be - " we should respect our late relatives wishes " .

I've put the £9k in a savings account for my kids education and put the matter out of my mind. It's £9k more than I had before .

Trifleorbust · 26/08/2016 08:45

PissedOff: Please don't tell us you expect your siblings to gift you part of their inheritance from a woman you just called a cunt? I am hoping I am just reading too much into your comment!

KingofnightvisionKingofinsight · 26/08/2016 08:47

I also think you do not need to give her the difference in value, unless you are really in a position to gift that amount of money for no reason. But you never know what the future holds and if you may want/need to use the money for your own children in the future, you should not give it to your sister.

RavioliOnToast · 26/08/2016 08:53

I would take birchwood, you were named first.

If your sister was named first she would take birchwood and sod what you thought by the sounds of it.

Ireallydontseewhy · 26/08/2016 08:56

I wonder if solicitors ever give 'non-legal' advice to people making wills eg 'if you do that it may lead Rose and Lily to fall out, or Lily to put pressure on Rose to take Maple, do you want that?' - or do they just follow instructions? they presumably do advise if a will could be contested, for instance if no provision is made for dependents, but i'm thinking more of just pointing out the potential family relationship complications if they do things in a certain way.

PerspicaciaTick · 26/08/2016 08:57

I think this thread makes it crystal clear that anyone writing a will should talk to the beneficiaries before they die to explain their thinking.
If I had strong feelings about my will, I would be so furious if people made up their own versions of what they want to do with my carefully planned bequests that I'd probably come back and haunt them.

Anniegetyourgun · 26/08/2016 08:58

I don't see a moral obligation to pay the sister the difference, but it is a decent thing to do, and if she doesn't appreciate the goodwill gesture she isn't worth not falling out with, if that makes sense.

zizza · 26/08/2016 08:58

M0rven - how refreshing to see your attitude. I'm so happy that you'll enjoy the £9k but I do feel sad for you about how much your sister's been left. I've tried putting myself in her position - I think if I was left more than my sibling in a relative's will but there wasn't much difference in the value then I'd happily keep the extra ;-) but I couldn't live with feeling like I'd "robbed" you of £200k!!!

OP - you seem sorted. Your sister would obviously prefer it if she had Maple House but I'm sure she'll happily live with inheriting the other once it's been sold and she's found her dream home to buy. I wish you a very happy future in your new home and perhaps one day we'll be reading about your unexpected pregnancy to expand your lovely family.

zizza · 26/08/2016 09:01

Sorry - got my houses muddled up there!!

WellyMummy · 26/08/2016 09:11

He gave you the choice for a reason, take the house you want.

paddypants13 · 26/08/2016 09:19

She would choose Birchwood without giving you a second thought. I think you should choose the house you really want as your uncle wished. As you have said, you will benefit more from it.

Ewock · 26/08/2016 09:21

Op I think you have the right idea. You have Bitchwood, as you say it would be your home forever and you would not sell it. I think by valuing both houses and ensuring that your sis enjoyed the same amount financially, then you are being more than fair because you are making sure that you both have the same financially.
If I was your sis I would be ao greatful that i had been left a house which I could potentially sell alongside my own and put the money together to buy the perfect house for my family, I wouldn't be asking my sister to give up the right to the bigger house just because I couldn't be bothered to sell and buy myself.

Ewock · 26/08/2016 09:21

Hope that made sense

coconutpie · 26/08/2016 09:37

Sorry but I think you're mad to give her the difference .... Would she do the same for you?

M0rven · 26/08/2016 09:38

Zizza, that's kind of you to say so.

We were much closer when her child was younger ( and I was child free) as I did lots of babysitting, took my nephew on holiday and helped her out because her partner was useless . But once I had my own kids ( and two have SN ) I could no longer do all these things for her, we drifted apart.

So it's not as if my kids even know that she got all the money and they got very little ( comparatively ), they don't know anything about it . I save anyway for their education so it's just a little boost to that account.

It would be lot harder if we were still close and I had to watch her sellingher house, buying a larger one, driving around in her new car and boasting about her overseas trips . And I don't do Facebook so that helps Wink

She's always been a rather self centred person with a big sense of entitlement ( see above ) so it never crossed my mind that she would give me any.

I think the OP has done the right thing in her situation, as she seems close to her sister and doesn't want to damage or lose the relationship.

OP I hope you and your family are very happy in your new home .

lougle · 26/08/2016 09:40

"You have Bitchwood"
Freudian slip Ewock? Grin

This is so hard. I think you should keep the house, though, as you were left it and want to stay in it and you are willing to equalise the monetary value.

coconutpie · 26/08/2016 09:44

Also, you cannot just give her a big ball of cash - there's surely tax implications?

ElsieMc · 26/08/2016 09:49

The house was left to you. You like it, you want it, please take it.

Your sister is in the wrong here as she knows your great Uncle's intentions were set out in the Will. She is not happy about this and is trying to make you change the terms of the will and she is wrong.

Why do you have to give her anything at all? I don't understand the posters who are telling you to offer her money. She already has a decent sized home and has been left a bungalow as well. She could sell both and buy a better house fgs. She simply does not want the inconvenience and comes across as very ungrateful.

Go with your gut instinct. Move into the house you love.

yorkshapudding · 26/08/2016 09:58

If I had strong feelings about my will, I would be so furious if people made up their own versions of what they want to do with my carefully planned bequests that I'd probably come back and haunt them

Exactly! All these people saying that if they inherited more than their sister they would split it evenly, you may see that as you 'doing the right thing' by your sibling but what about doing the right thing by the deceased? Wills exist because people should have a right to decide what happens to their assets once they pass away. I'm amazed how may posters have said they would be prepared to completely ignore the wishes of the deceased because it's "not fair" otherwise. How is it "fair" that someone doesn't get to decide for themselves who inherits their assets in the event of their death and trust that this decision will be respected by their family?

madhurjazz · 26/08/2016 10:03

What a strange situation. And the houses are both well located so you would just move into them?

Ireallydontseewhy · 26/08/2016 10:07

"If I had strong feelings about my will, I would be so furious if people made up their own versions of what they want to do with my carefully planned bequests that I'd probably come back and haunt them"

Aha - haunting! But the law allows for variations to wills, so anyone leaving property has to be prepared to have their will totally ignored if the beneficiaries agree - that is just a fact of life (in our legal system!). And I suppose that reflects a wider truth - we can't control what happens after we die, and overall that is a good thing - but perhaps that is getting a bit philosophical.

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