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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

GCSE fail

90 replies

Cathaka15 · 25/08/2016 20:09

So my DS did not do well on his GCSEs. He was predicted much higher. He messed up big time Imo. He did not revise much and got cocky and played a lot on his ps4. He has always been very sure of himself and most often came through in the end. Not this time. Aibu to have had a major rant at him for not doing his best and for thinking he was ready when clearly he wasn't. Not even close. I'm feeling very sad inside but really annoyed at the same time. Sad

OP posts:
RubbleBubble00 · 25/08/2016 20:17

I wouldn't say anything tbh. He knows he's messed up big time, what's a rant from you going to achieve. Stay calm, give him his options. Failing my a levels was the kick up the butt I needed to realise I couldn't sail through life and not work. Made me work twice as hard at uni.

Original poster
Cathaka15 · 25/08/2016 20:22

Thanks Rubble I really hope that will be the case with him too.

OP posts:
acasualobserver · 25/08/2016 20:22

I think a rant is fine - your son needs to hear your righteous indignation. But after that you need to get positive and practical. He needs to have something to aim for and feel good about committing himself to.

elodie2000 · 25/08/2016 20:35

Telling him the truth is a good thing. He was arrogant and lazy & has got the results he 'worked for'.
Now he has been told, move on... His options are resits, working as an apprentice, different GCSE level qualifications etc.
explain to him that the hard work starts now and that any money or treats you give him will happen only if you see him pulling his weight this time.

ThoraGruntwhistle · 25/08/2016 20:42

How bad were they? Like B's and C's when he could have got A's, or actual fail marks and grades so bad that he'd need to retake them?

Original poster
Cathaka15 · 25/08/2016 20:52

He was predicated As and Bs. He got Cs and Ds. Not even enough to get into the college he wanted go.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cathaka15 · 25/08/2016 20:54

Oh and an F.

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 25/08/2016 20:54

I would just say the mark of a good person is not how they react to success, but how they deal with adversity. It's easy to be the person doing well, but how will he behave now that it hasn't gone the way he expected?

Focus on learning from this experience and what he will do next.

Original poster
Cathaka15 · 25/08/2016 20:56

That's very true Scary.

OP posts:
wanchor · 25/08/2016 21:01

His grades weren't bad. He didn't fail. He knows he messed up by not getting as good as he could though and you ranting at him won't help.

OverlyLoverly · 25/08/2016 21:02

Personally I wouldn't rant at him. There is no point, he already knows he messed up. It's better to be more constructive and try and get him to tell you what he is going to do in future. I know it sounds a bit cliche but it's his life.

Although I don't see the point of ranting I think it's ok to spell it out to him what you will and won't do for him if he carries on dossing about when he starts school or college or whatever next September.

wanchor · 25/08/2016 21:02

And unless he wants to go to some super high tech fancy college he will most likely be able to get in. He will have to retake the core subjects like math and English if he got below a C and he's going to have I work doubley as hard but hell still get into the course.

Scarydinosaurs · 25/08/2016 21:04

cath my mum said it to me after my less than brilliant A2 results that followed brilliant AS results. I was bereft. It made me pull myself together and got on with things. I've never ever been complacent about an exam again!

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 25/08/2016 21:05

He can retake his GCSEs so all is not lost. To be honest, most people in the real world of work don't give a stuff about GCSEs and if he can get a foot in the door somewhere then he can always climb the ladder to success without going to college.
I understand your disappointment, but he will be feeling bad especially as he may miss out on his college course (someone on my college course completely failed and still got a place)

Whoamiwhatami · 25/08/2016 21:12

As someone who has a dd with c and d grade gcses who were lower than predicted the best thing to do is not to get too worked up.

She did not apply herself enough, the look on her face when she was told she's got to take her whole gcse course again at 6th form college was enough. Half a day a week that she could be free is now spent catching up. They have also reduced the entry requirements of her course due to poor results this year.

If it's any consolation a lot of people I've spoken to today have children that are doing resits or grades that weren't as good as predicted.

allowlsthinkalot · 25/08/2016 21:16

They are his grades not yours. Why rant at him? The consequences are his to own. He will either have to resit or think of a plan. He isn't doing the exams for Mummy and Daddy but for himself.

Encouraging him to revise beforehand is one thing but what purpose does a rant now serve?

Biscuitsneeded · 25/08/2016 21:23

Did the school really 'predict' all A and Bs, or were those his baseline/target grades based on ability? If you've not been given any indication whatsoever that he wasn't going to achieve those target grades I'd be a bit miffed. As a teacher I know what grade all my students are supposed to be able to achieve (although sometimes I wonder how the system arrived at that conclusion!) but during Year 11 I would be flagging up to parents if I thought any children were not going to achieve what they 'should'. So either your DS has been working below his potential all this time and nobody told you, or his mocks/parents evenings etc should have been an indicator that all was not well. It's a tough lesson to learn but maybe this will be the spur your DS needs to push him to do better.

Original poster
Cathaka15 · 25/08/2016 21:27

I agree with all the comments. I shouldn't be moaning at him. Its his life and his grades. But I've always told Him I will never be upset if I know he's tried his best. I don't feel he did. I don't want him to think this sort of approach to life is going to help him.

OP posts:
SharonfromEON · 25/08/2016 21:32

What has he said about his result?

Benedikte2 · 25/08/2016 21:40

Cathaka, don't rant because you may put him off entirely and he may decide he might as well just give up. Just tell him quietly that you are disappointed and know he could have done much better and you know he must be feeling the same way. Tell him your sure he'll do better next time if he just grits his teeth and gets on with it, that when he reaches this level he can't wing it any more as he did in the past.
Maybe even ask if there is anything you can do to help him apply himself more next time round (doubtful, but it will help him feel supported!)
Its going to be hard for him to admit failure and resit and that's "punishment" enough.

Original poster
Cathaka15 · 25/08/2016 21:41

He started making excuses at first. Then slowly as the day went along he realised he has messed up. So admitted he could have tried harder.Hmm

OP posts:
Mouikey · 25/08/2016 21:42

Sit down and talk to him like an adult, don't rant... Explain that you think he has missed an opportunity but that there are choices - call the college, they may still accept him.

Support him both emotionally (he is probably angry with himself) and practically - GCSEs are not the end of the world and there will be various paths to meet his career goals

MargoReadbetter · 25/08/2016 21:44

OP, completely understand. This could have been us. So easily. I know what I would have planned but I don't know if I could have been composed and supportive. Sleep on it and start afresh tomorrow. There will be options.

umizoomi · 25/08/2016 21:51

I'd be upset too but shouting won't help. Hopefully he'll have learned a valuable lesson. For the poster who said he hasn't failed, well he presumably has if he wants to do A-levels etc as any grade lower than a C is not regarded as a Pass. I did GCSE's when they first came out and nearly 30 years on people still only care about O-level equivalents for many courses/colleges/jobs

MenMust · 25/08/2016 21:51

It's a shame he wasnt banned from playing on his PS4 when he should have been revising. I think you are justified in having a serious discussion with him now and making sure that he turns this around somehow

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