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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

GCSE fail

90 replies

Cathaka15 · 25/08/2016 20:09

So my DS did not do well on his GCSEs. He was predicted much higher. He messed up big time Imo. He did not revise much and got cocky and played a lot on his ps4. He has always been very sure of himself and most often came through in the end. Not this time. Aibu to have had a major rant at him for not doing his best and for thinking he was ready when clearly he wasn't. Not even close. I'm feeling very sad inside but really annoyed at the same time.

OP posts:

ellamoromou · 25/08/2016 23:18

H op - my son was the mirror image of yours -absolutely cabpablebut sooo lazy.

Never put any effort in and don't understand how the heck he got degree - theres nothig more you can do they have to experience life - xx

DollsHouseTales · 25/08/2016 23:25

I wouldn't rant at all, but I think you'll be doing him an disservice if you too quickly adopt an "oh well" approach. To those saying "it's his exams, his life" etc.. well no, not if the OP's DS never gets a grip on things or takes responsibility for himself and his success in life.

There's no guarantees in life that good exam results = great career and happy etc, of course, but OP's DS is not an adult yet and can't realise in the same way that us as adults can, the implications of this situation and the better choices he will have available to him as he becomes older from the efforts he puts in now. It's the teenager's job (almost) to slack and the parent's job to pull them up over it (to some degree). The completely self-motivated academic teenager is a rare species indeed.

Original poster

Cathaka15 · 25/08/2016 23:25

Ds had a lot of plans. But he thought it was going to be a walk in the park. He wanted to do great courses in a fantastic college which people were fighting over to get in. Hes Grandpa came over today to see the situation as I was fuming over the phone with my Parents. He opened with "look at Einstein he failed math too" To cool us all off a bit and have a laugh. But every time I remember what a twat he's been It gets my blood boiling. Some children in his class who were flat out failing did better than him. Which is great for them. But it just shows how little he actually did revise.

OP posts:

clary · 25/08/2016 23:28

OOooh noblegiraffe is that right about a second resit of old style English? Fantastic, my DS1 got an E last year and this year has done City and Guilds at college with a view to doing GCSE again in 2017 and I suddenly though aaargh will he have to do the new one?? Apparently he gets one more go that's ace.

(Sorry for hijack OP). Agree with others, talk through with DS what he can do, YY he will have to retake maths but may well do some work this time. Otherwise he can still go to college with Cs/Ds, just not to do A levels, but in any case A-levels are defffo not for everyone. Good luck to him.

mumsmyothername · 25/08/2016 23:35

I was where your son is today. Worse. Left school without sitting any exams. With a bit of effort, I eventually gained GCSEs and went on to college and university. Don't rant at him, please...He already knows, believe me...Instead tell him you'll help him if he helps himself, he'll thank you later on, dn't worry

LuluJakey1 · 25/08/2016 23:37

I would have thought not being on LinkedIn had more to recommend it than being on it. It is full of self- promoting egos.

CafeCremeMerci · 25/08/2016 23:42

'I'm SO disappointed in you - not your results, but your effort. When you have fully accepted how little effort you put into this and are ready to work out how best to move forward, let me know'.

Mummydummy · 25/08/2016 23:51

I wouldn't rant but I do understand your human reaction to want to. I would think being deeply disappointed would be way more effective. You know he's feeling it too.

Maybe focus it on him. How do you feel about it, what do you want to change, how can I help you, what do you think you're capable of, how hard do you want to work to get it? He's not a bad person, he's not had long on this earth to get wise, and he has a host of hormones that are messing with his motivation. Help him move onto the next wiser step.

Ha! if only I did all this...

Original poster

Cathaka15 · 26/08/2016 00:00

I just looked through another thread about GCSE results. I really felt like crying because I couldn't celebrate with Ds today. It really isn't about the grades anymore. I just feel this is the first time in his life he has REALLY failed and it's left a permanent mark.
I really need to get over this.

OP posts:

corythatwas · 26/08/2016 00:27

This brings to mind an old university tutor of mine who used to say that everybody needs to fail at some point, because you learn so much from it. Very wise man, he was, too.

As a pp said, if he is going to learn from failing, this is a good time to do it. He can still pull himself together, learn some proper study techniques and do better at A-level. Plenty of good degree programmes he can get into without his GCSE's being a particular problem- if a degree is what he wants to do.

His marks seem very similar to those of my ds; he will still be going to college, but will have to retake the maths (they offer tuition).

What are your ds' options now?

Original poster

Cathaka15 · 26/08/2016 00:47

He wanted to do 2 A levels and a Btec. he really wanted to go to uni too. Now who the hell knows. Going to college on Wednesday to see what his options are.

OP posts:

cavatron · 26/08/2016 00:50

You could be my mum, OP! I did the exact same thing at GCSE. Made a hash of A Levels too. Went out to work, resat A Levels, went to Uni, got a First.

Life experience - can't beat it! He knows, believe me.

cavatron · 26/08/2016 00:52

Also - permanent mark?! You do need to get over this...you need to help him now and be supportive. This will have shocked him as much as you.

They're GCSEs!

Original poster

Cathaka15 · 26/08/2016 01:00

Thank you all so much for your comments. Nice to hear some who have been through it and come out the other side on a positive. I've learned a lot too today.

OP posts:

GreatFuckability · 26/08/2016 02:48

I'm a mature student at uni, there are people on my course from school leavers, to people my age and everywhere in between with all kinds of different directions into uni. it REALLY isn't the end of the world that he didn't do as well as he could have. Explain to him that this is a consequence of his actions, and if he wants to do better, he'll need to try harder. Shouting and yelling at this point, is soing to achieve nothing. He can still go to uni!

KittyKrap · 26/08/2016 04:40

Cath, my eldest actually passed his GCSE maths two years ago but his friends didn't. They all re-sat and passed. It took his closest friend two years and five exams to actually pass his yesterday. I'm so happy for him. He deserved it.

Your DS will never let things slide again, it's a huge wake up call.

kath6144 · 26/08/2016 06:35

Talkinpeace - I know that there is no reason to be disappointed in Cs and Ds, it was more down to the fact she worked so hard, but couldnt quite get the results, but then had a lot of struggles in her younger years, so just to achieve what she did was good.

Unfortunately it is not just in the MN bubble that non-academic success seems to be a failure. We live in a small town, quite middle class, and all of my small group of mum friends have kids who get stellar grades. Even DS with his As & Bs was a failure to them!!! I was quite hurt yesterday that not one of them asked me how DD did, given they asked about DS' A level results a week ago. And we have other 'friends' who have made comments in the last year 'why is she only predicted Cs' 'shes planning a BTEC, isnt she capable of A levels?'etc. I know that says more about them than my DD, but it hurts nonetheless. Not everyone can get A*s/do A levels, it doesnt mean they have failed!!!! When did this change come about, in my day, non-academic kids were not seen as failures, they just went on a different route.

Noblegiraffe - is that correct about there being a 2nd resit next summer? If so you have just cheered me up, I was worrying that it was Nov or nothing!

cricketballs · 26/08/2016 07:05

Kath the change in attitude you describe re academic v non-academic has quickly come about thanks to Gove and Gibbs.

As soon as they entered the DoE the whole system was changed to academics is the only thing that matters; everyone who is involved in Education (those who gave experience/insight) from teachers/TAs to leading experts have tried to implore the DoE to understand that it is impossible for every child to be above average just for us to be ignored and accused of being lazy and not having high enough aspirations.

In truth, teachers weep at the pressures these policies are putting on our students, those that no matter how much support, intervention etc will never be capable of achieving academic grades/qualifications and how they are made to feel like failures.

This policy is now going to effect younger children with those who do not achieve in year 6 SATs being made to feel like failures at 11 because they have got to resit them in secondary school.

LuluJakey1 · 26/08/2016 07:36

clary if it is a GCSE he is doing, I am sure he has to do the new one in 2017.

LuluJakey1 · 26/08/2016 07:37

In English that is, they have not come in yet in all subjects.
I would check that on the exam board website to be sure.

LuluJakey1 · 26/08/2016 07:51

Cricketballs the new examination system being fed in is disgraceful. With the news about grammar schools as well, it confirms the government agenda of social engineering to make sure the system disadvantages those who are the most disadvantaged anyway.
At every turn there are now barriers in place that have no positive effect on the quality of learning and prevent students demonstrating the best they are capable of whilst also teaching them irrelevant, out of date content which has 'snob value' to the government - arrogant bastards. The pressure and stress will increasingly demoralise and disengage children in education and will not raise standards.
New GCSE's have an average of 4-5 hours of examinations at the end. 10 GCSEs - 50 hours of examinations and a grading system where at the end of that children can achieve a bottom grade of 1.
You write in silence, under pressure for 4-5 hours and achieve 1, 2 or 3. Sum total of 9 years of compulsory education. The damage will be lng term to confidence and self-belief and willingness to re-engage with learning.
However, as the government want fewer young people to be able to go to unversity they are making the system do that work for them.
Awful.
As a teacher with a 20 month old DS I am incredibly sad by what he will go through. There is nothing about it I believe is best for the development if our young people.

Carmen1983 · 26/08/2016 07:54

I wouldn't agree that 'nobody cares about GCSEs'. If anything, they are cared about more than ever. Hence having to retake Maths and English until you get a C. Hence the required number of grades to get onto relevant college courses. Hence all the hard work of the teachers, endless revision sessions, study guides, online resources, starting to prepare in Year 9, etc etc. They are the final outcome of the whole of your secondary education. Obviously there are options like retakes or a change of college course/direction if you don't achieve target grades, but the point is that every student will have had an original goal to work towards that require these GCSEs so it should matter if that isn't achieved. They should be seen as important.

Idefix · 26/08/2016 08:14

The trouble is Carmen that the c grade on the new system will no longer be seen as a "good" pass as the number equivilant will be that of a low b iyswim.
For dd who will be in the first year taking these exams that is a real worry as in maths she is very much aiming for a c grade. We have been told for two years there will be a period of grace where a equivilant c grade will be honoured as a good pass...

This is being done to make getting a degree more difficult to obtain.

Hulababy · 26/08/2016 08:24

If he is realising then there is no need to rant anyway. He didn't work enough, got the lower result and now faces challenges to get where he wanted to be.

BUT it doesn't have to mean the end of his chosen career or whatever.

A friend messed up badly at GCSE level. He couldn't go on to sixth form or college do dropped out and got a job. But after a few moths realised he didn't to act. He went to college and resat, he did A levels and went to university and became a barrister.

So all is not lost if they mess up.
It just means taking responsibility and working even harder to recover from it.

But it does have to be his choose and his actions to get him there.

Hulababy · 26/08/2016 08:34

Lulu - it'll be rare to have 10 GCSEs from now on in, well 10 in one go anyway.

Dd goes to a selective independent and in the past they've had girls getting 10/11 A* etc.

From this year - the girls starting y10 this term - it is 8.

English (*2)
Maths
Double science
A language
A humanities
And two more

Some may do triple science but that will reduce their options - so still 8 in total
Some may do one other as twilight but they are specific courses and only for selected students.

This appears to be happening at local state schools too, and the option of doing a GCSE in y9, and sometimes y10, is stopping for most round here too.

So the days of 10+ GCSEs are coming to an end from what I can gather, with a move to 8 more focuses choices. As a result of the new courses.

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