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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

GCSE fail

90 replies

Cathaka15 · 25/08/2016 20:09

So my DS did not do well on his GCSEs. He was predicted much higher. He messed up big time Imo. He did not revise much and got cocky and played a lot on his ps4. He has always been very sure of himself and most often came through in the end. Not this time. Aibu to have had a major rant at him for not doing his best and for thinking he was ready when clearly he wasn't. Not even close. I'm feeling very sad inside but really annoyed at the same time.

OP posts:

Cherrysoup · 25/08/2016 21:53

Probably an idea to talk to the college and see if he can still do the course if he re-takes various exams. I can understand the desire to rant, but that ship has sailed, should have been tackled during the school year.

MargoReadbetter · 25/08/2016 21:55

MenMust - I don't know how old your kids are or whether you have actual experience of banning a 16 yo from doing something :(

MenMust · 25/08/2016 22:05

Margo - My kids are post 16 now. You are right, I havent experience of banning them from doing something as luckily I had no need to. However, I would have taken the PS4 away from my son if I saw that he was not working towards his exams. We are all different though.

TaIkinPeace · 25/08/2016 22:20

If he had worked hard for those grades you should bite your tongue.

If he was an arrogant little toad who thought he could wing it
you should make it incredibly clear to him that he now has to live with the consequences
BUT
you have to leave him enough time to simmer and realise how badly he has screwed up and decide on the path forward from here.

The worst thing you could do now is spoon feed him with ideas

I have two sets of A level results, I know of what I type

sonjadog · 25/08/2016 22:25

I don´t think you should rant, but I would tell him exactly what you think he did wrong. And then leave it and focus on what he is going to do next.

Original poster

Cathaka15 · 25/08/2016 22:27

Both me and Dh did say to ds he needs to take his revisions seriously and he wasn't allowed on the game till after his exams. But still managed to find a way to play instead of revise. He's my eldest so i found it quiet difficult to find the balance between not controlling but firm. As a teenager I always went against the grain and ds has a little of that in him too. So I didn't want to be to pushy. I guess I got it wrong.

OP posts:

AlecTrevelyan006 · 25/08/2016 22:31

Did he get C or above at English and maths? If yes, I wouldn't worry about anything too much. And even if not, he can do re-sits. Nothing positive will come from ranting.

Original poster

Cathaka15 · 25/08/2016 22:32

He got a C in eng Lang / lit. D in math.

OP posts:

miraclebabyplease · 25/08/2016 22:36

He will need to resit the math as that is a basic for most decent jobs. English, math and science are the ones people seem to care about.

It is a good lesson for him though. Better to learn now rather than later in life.

Redbookworm · 25/08/2016 22:37

I'm in the same situation as you. My son got C's, D's, E's and F. He also didn't work hard enough and could have got higher grades. I haven't had a rant at him as it won't achieve anything now. He can't get on the course he wanted and will have to start at a lower level and resit English. We are looking to his future and just hope this is a wake up call so he will work harder to achieve his goal. Good luck to your son for his future.

miraclebabyplease · 25/08/2016 22:38

I resat my science after doing my first degree. I taught myself and then paid to do the exam. It wasn't fun but it was my own doing.

Whoamiwhatami · 25/08/2016 22:39

Cath, dd got the same results. She's also my eldest and I totally understand where you're coming from. It's hit her tonight as she's come downstairs and said why are you not angry, I've failed.

She's thankfully got her course, she's off to bed in a sugar coma as she's ate her weight in milkshake, cake and chocolate thus evening.

She's also td me a friend is planning to emigrate her results are that bad.

TaIkinPeace · 25/08/2016 22:39

cathaka
Make him sit in the kitchen with you while he looks up his options
remove all internet access from his bedroom (mine are 18 and 16 - family meeting involves unplugging the router)

but make him realise all for himself how deep a hole he is in

the Goebbels quote about "the truth that people realise for themselves is ten times stronger than the one you tell them" applies here

and use silence as a deadly weapon
when he comes up with a stupid plan, say nothing
as nothing you can say will help
but your silence will make him think through again

Under current policy he has to retake the Maths, no matter what.

Original poster

Cathaka15 · 25/08/2016 22:40

Thank you Red. To you too.

OP posts:

Ericaequites · 25/08/2016 22:42

Of course you should chew him out. You are his mother, and he has done something really stupid. It's your job to scold him when he is lazy.

Original poster

Cathaka15 · 25/08/2016 22:43

Talkin- I agree and I like the silence idea. It's not me at all. So hopefully will realise I mean business.

OP posts:

TaIkinPeace · 25/08/2016 22:49

Of course you should chew him out
It might make you feel better, but it will have no impact on your child.
They are old enough to make their own choices.
You can no longer pin them to a desk.

If they bunked lessons and work and faffed, it will either bite them at GCSE, A level, degree or job.
GCSE is the least worst option as they have the chance to recover the damage while still in compulsory education.

I've worked with people who winged it till their early 20's and then hit the buffers as they had never had to grow up.
Screwing up is part of growing up.

kath6144 · 25/08/2016 22:55

Op - My DD got C and Ds, but was only predicted higher than C in Maths (but only got C - apparently grade boundaries were at least 9 marks higher than last year), and she did work, but struggles to apply her knowledge and put the detail needed into answers. Mainly due to having hearing problems when young, which means her Language skills are a little immature.

She did do well enough to get on her Level 3 BTEC business course, and was only 2 marks off C in Eng Language, so its gone for a re-mark, otherwise will be a resit in Nov. But I am still disappointed, not least as she did put effort in. I am trying to stay positive though and look to the next stage. There will be some options for your DS at college, he just needs to speak to them. He may end up doing 3 years instead of two, but does it matter? My DS has just left 6th form, quite a lot of his cohort started on a route/college, then changed after a year, so will end up doing 3 yrs minimum to get to next level.

Just be aware that Maths (and English Lang in our case) exams change significantly from next June, so realistically they have only one chance of a resit using the current syllabus, in November. Failing that I suppose they may have to do a full year or 2 of new syllabus before doing exam.

TaIkinPeace · 25/08/2016 23:02

kath
There is absolutely no reason to be disappointed with C and D and good BTEC grades for kids who worked hard to get them.
Outside of the Mumsnet bubble there are lots of good jobs and options for kids with a non academic bent.
Especially those who are willing to work hard.

The problem that Cathaka has is that her son did not bother to do the work of which he was more than capable. For which he is a silly arse.

noblegiraffe · 25/08/2016 23:02

Kath there's a second resit of the old GCSE Maths and English next June, for post-16 resitters only, so they have another chance after November.

LuluJakey1 · 25/08/2016 23:06

I would be for some blunt talking and let him stew on it, see what his reaction is. If he seems to have learned anything, support him to make a plan to help him move on from this.

Thing is about poor GCSE grades, they will limit him now in many things depending on what he wants to do. He will have to compete with people who did better. Not having Cs minimum in Maths and English are that barrier to entry onto level 3 courses and many apprenticeships. His grades are poor grades for someone capable of As and Bs.

Words are cheap tell him. He might say he could have worked harder, what is he going to do now. He needs to do it and show he has learned from it. Best case scenario it puts him back a year or two years - if he learns from it and gets it right next time.

RainbowSnowflake · 25/08/2016 23:07

I'm in the same boat with our eldest DS. He definitely could have revised more, but a sixteen year old can't be bossed into it like a younger kid could. He's clearly upset and angry with himself to have results that mean a level 2 rather than level 3 college course. I'm not ranting, I'm trying to make him feel more positive about starting college next week. Though the lessons learned conversations will follow when the dust has settled.

BoffinMum · 25/08/2016 23:07

Let him fail and be on hand with advice if he wises up. Really, shouting won't do anything.

FWIW John Major did pretty much the same and did a walk of shame when he got him results, apparently. That worked out OK.

TaIkinPeace · 25/08/2016 23:11

AAAAGGHHHH
Please do not do the blunt talking or chew over stuff
I was the student who utterly screwed up my exams
I then retook them at a college full of people who had also screwed up

Those whose parents had left them to decide to retake succeeded
the frogmarched into it brigade screwed up all over again

The first group are on Linkedin 30 years later
The second group are not.

NeedAnotherGlass · 25/08/2016 23:12

Ranting at a child who has done badly in their exams is a complete waste of time. It's all about satisfying the parent's frustrations and does absolutely nothing to help. The exam results and not getting onto his college course are the lesson he has learned. He will either take the onboard and work harder for his resits, or he won't. Your rant will not make a jot of difference.

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