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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that at aged 25 I should be allowed to be sterilised?

376 replies

MidnightMargaritas · 25/08/2016 10:11

So basically I have two lovely kids one 6 year old DD and a 15 month old DS. I have been married to their father for 3 years and we have been together 8 years in total. I have always had problems with hormonal contraception. (Losing hair, getting sick, allergic reactions, pregnancy etc) I'm currently on the depo but dont want to remain on it as it seems to be making me even more anxious (i'm on 50mg sertraline). Have also had the mirena coil, implant (x3), cerelle, cerazette (got pregnant on this), microgynon, cilest (got pregnant on this) and used condoms.
After a very traumatic birth with my son (which ended in EMCS), I had terrible aftercare and PTSD so I decided to ask the GP during my therapy if I could be sterilised. I was told I wasn't allowed. At my age too many women regret sterilisation. I was then told I could meet someone else and decide to have children. The GP then said if one of my kids were to die I could still go on to have more. I left it six months and decided to ask again to be told the same thing and its really upset me. I was also told it costs the NHS a lot of money for the Op. What I dont understand is that if I was to have another child I would need a lot of therapy, medication, scans and i'd probably end up needing another c-section. Surely it would be more cost effective to let me be sterilised?
When I knew they werent relenting I asked about my DH having the snip. They said that was also unlikely due to his age.
I'd rather have the op because the thought of me ever being pregnant terrifies me. Even if me and my husband separate I would never want to have another child. I couldn't cope. I couldn't afford to get it done privately (6K)
So AIBU to think that at aged 25 I should be allowed to be sterilised?

OP posts:
Marynary · 27/08/2016 13:56

And of course, Mary, everyone knows it's rare for women to conceive and have a baby in late 40s/early 50s but it's only rare when it doesn't happen to you and so despite being 'rare' that's why women need to practice contraception until menopause.

I said that women should use contraception just in case.Hmm However, as fertility will very very low (if they aren't completely infertile) then the chance of pregnancy if using contraception is incredibly low. If you can't use hormonal contraceptives then barrier contraception will work.

I am in my late 40s and wouldn't dream of undergoing surgery just so I can avoid using barrier contraception for a couple of years. Obviously if other women want surgery so they can avoid condoms for a short period of time that is their choice but they should pay for it themselves. I don't think it is a good use of NHS money.

expatinscotland · 27/08/2016 14:13

I'm in my mid-40s, but DH had the snip. Whew. It's been wonderful for the past 7 years Smile.

'I am in my late 40s and wouldn't dream of undergoing surgery just so I can avoid using barrier contraception for a couple of years.'

Well, true, but I wouldn't dream of having sex with a man who knew he never wanted any more kids, but still expects his partner to take on the contraceptive responsibility, much less contemplate surgery as contraception, as jenniferandjulian considers doing because her selfish boyfriend clearly thinks contraception is woman's lot.

All the women in my dad's family got pregnant, sometimes more than once, in their 40s and had healthy children. His own mother was 2 months off her 48th birthday when she gave birth to her 6th child. I have nightmares that I'm pregnant or have a baby. Thankfully they are just that. The Holy Spirit would have to get me pregnant, it's that impossible.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 27/08/2016 14:40

It's not that rare, I know 2 people who had children over 45. Absolutely use contraception until menopause.

Advicepls7080 · 27/08/2016 14:43

It is rare though the likelihood of getting pregnant aged 45> is around 3%

Marynary · 27/08/2016 14:48

Well, true, but I wouldn't dream of having sex with a man who knew he never wanted any more kids, but still expects his partner to take on the contraceptive responsibility, much less contemplate surgery as contraception, as jenniferandjulian considers doing because her selfish boyfriend clearly thinks contraception is woman's lot.

I think it is reasonable for him to want to use barrier contraception rather than have a vasectomy.

Marynary · 27/08/2016 14:51

It is rare though the likelihood of getting pregnant aged 45> is around 3%

That is age 45. It is much lower than that by late 40s/early 50s. With contraception (including barrier contraception) the chances of getting pregnant will be extremely low.

Advicepls7080 · 27/08/2016 14:58

That percentage is 45 and over and I'm saying it's rare :s
Between the ages of 40-45 you have about 10%
So that's probably why most doctors won't sterilise women over a certain age either it's seems pretty pointless

Marynary · 27/08/2016 15:05

That percentage is 45 and over and I'm saying it's rare :s

It doesn't apply to everyone over 45 years of age.Hmm If that was the case then 80 year old would have a 3% chance of conceiving. The 3% applies to women aged 45 years and then it goes down (rapidly).

Advicepls7080 · 27/08/2016 15:50

Why are you arguing with someone who agrees with you, it also doesn't apply to everyone because there are women over 45 who have more than 3% :s what I'm saying is it's rare for fuck sake

expatinscotland · 27/08/2016 18:13

'I think it is reasonable for him to want to use barrier contraception rather than have a vasectomy.'

Well, he appears to be doing neither since she's the one looking for contraceptive options.

Ugh at the thought of getting pregnant at 45 (my age)! Am so enjoying this stage of life with school-aged children. Mind you, the sweats I get at certain times of the month are a PITA, but there's no way I will ever take synthetic hormones again. Soooo glad I don't have to deal with that crap.

HelenaDove · 27/08/2016 18:19

Do women usually follow their mothers when to comes to the age they went through menopause.

Mine said she went through it at 46.

Advicepls7080 · 27/08/2016 18:22

It can be used to predict when you may go through menopause but it's not an exact science

expatinscotland · 27/08/2016 18:25

I hope not! My mother was in her 50s. I'm already sick of these sweats. Bring it on!

Marynary · 27/08/2016 18:37

Well, he appears to be doing neither since she's the one looking for contraceptive options.

Why would you assume that? She only said that the NHS won't sterilise her. I would hope that they are using condoms or some other contraception.

Original poster
MidnightMargaritas · 27/08/2016 18:46

I'm currently on the depo. I'm losing my hair and my mood is unstable. My husband is also using condoms. that irritate the fuck out of my vagina

OP posts:
Advicepls7080 · 27/08/2016 18:47

Well, he appears to be doing neither since she's the one looking for contraceptive options.

OP also said she wants her own fertility taken into her own hands Incase her and DH separate.

Original poster
MidnightMargaritas · 27/08/2016 18:48

I also don't feel comfortable on the depo as I have miscarried in Dec 2015.
According to the GP this was somehow my fault and not the failure of the depo. I simply must have been pregnant before getting the injection Hmm

OP posts:
Marynary · 27/08/2016 18:53

Advicepls7080 I was referring to jenniferandjulian (who is 44) when I said that it was reasonable for him to use barrier contraception rather than have a vasectomy.

Advicepls7080 · 27/08/2016 18:53

And I wasn't quoting you.

Marynary · 27/08/2016 18:56

And I wasn't quoting you.

You quoted expatinscotland who was replying to my post about jenniferandjulian.

itsbetterthanabox · 27/08/2016 18:59

Are you allergic to the condoms?

HelenaDove · 27/08/2016 19:00

Blaming it on the woman after refusing sterilization Midnight as long as you got the Depo on time then it is the contraception that failed. As for still blaming it on you..........yep no misogyny there Hmm move it along nothing to see.........

Original poster
MidnightMargaritas · 27/08/2016 19:07

I thought it may have been a latex allergy but it seems to be a latex free condoms too Sad

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 27/08/2016 19:23

And please, get assertive! 'This Depo doesn't work for me (it's quite awful, honestly) so I won't have it anymore.' Or go to your FPC, they are far more clued up on contraceptive options.

DreamingOfAFullNightsSleep · 27/08/2016 20:20

I am only commenting to say I have the copper coil du to not getting on with hormonal contraception either. I also have long, heavy periods, similar to you OP. I ummed and ahhed for ages as I could see it being a disaster. I have one now, I'm into year 3 with it. It's great now, and my periods are no worse than before BUT it did take about 10 months for them to settle down. If I'd lost hope then I'd have had it out but I'd read some others accounts on mn of them taking up to a year for your periods to settle (then 9 years of contraception without that downside )

I'd say give the copper coil a whirl as the worst that happens is you have it taken out.