AIBU to think being a SAHP to a six-month-old baby and under five is harder than most jobs?

[TheOddity]

I don't know many people in jobs with a schedule or level of stress like that of a woman on mat leave in school holidays.
My morning, just from 7am to 10am:
Get up by being jumped on, immediately change sodden nappy.
Nappy in nappy bucket
Get four breakfasts ready while entertaining baby and answering questions/4yo stream of consciousness.
Try to find safe place for crawling baby while I wash up. Make den for 4yo.
Wash up, clean high chair, dustpan floor (weaning), wipe floor (crawling).
Hear a cry, sort out teddy stand off.
Put washing on. Spill powder, clean floor
Clean toilet and floor (baby crawls everywhere in a flat).
Baby grumpy and crying and falling all over fighting sleep. Put to sleep while trying to mentally plan lunch.
Finish washing up, have five second shower. Baby wakes distraught (teething). Feed baby while still wet and naked. Won't go back asleep after tiny nap.
Take nappy off again as soaked through and messy from breakfast. Give her some nappy free time.
Encourage toddler to take clothes off to get dressed.
Toddler needs a poo. Juggle wiping bum while baby tries to crawl closer from other room (can't put in cot as she just breaks down. separation anxiety?!)
Baby crying as after two days the nappy free trick has worked and they have done a massive poo on the floor and are now squirming in it. Leave toddler playing in sink while I sort out 'poonami'
'Poonami' sorted, baby back with nappy. Find toddler has flooded floor with water. Wipe up water while listening to baby crying in other room.
Baby dying to finish nap, put in sling while I encourage 4yo to dress. Go downstairs to throw poo and rubbish out. Baby finally asleep in sling.
Share woes with mumsnet while 4yo watches god knows what on TV.
That is three hours. It is totally relentless. And that is just me keeping things how they were before we woke up, no extra cleaning, no shopping, no trips. We go out lots but those bits you have to do at home and getting ready are soooo much harder than my paid job before. Dh then comes home to tell me he is so tired. I breastfeed and do all night feeds.

I don't think anyone is devaluing the role of sahp Bummy - just pointing out that comparing it to a paid, employee role is not always straight forward and it is very difficult to make a direct comparision.

Cafe makes a good point - many of us have been a Sahm and found it pretty easy - totally depends on your family income, what help you get, how 'easy' your children are, what your expectations are etc etc. Compare that to a job where you have to meet set targets, work in horrible conditions (sorting recycling anyone? ) for NMW and I think you might not think being a SAHM is so bad after all.

Yabu. And 8t isn't a competition.

That's the funniest thing ive read all week

OP, it is relentless.

Vent away, small children are hard work especially mentally as you are not given the opportunity to finish a thought or activity without constant interruptions from small people. Depending on you reed for mental constellation it can also feel incredibly mundane and unrewarding at times.
Take it easy, try and enforce some routine and get yourself organised as much as possible. BF also can leave you exhausted. Maybe take a good multi vit and try to eat healthily. Get some time away from the dc, not matter how lovely they are..

I haven't rtft: I have a nine month old, and am on maternity leave. I had a v stressful job on the periphery of politics, and have also spent a year living in a war zone. Looking after my daughter is the hardest thing I've ever done both emotionally and physically. My previous jobs were a piece of piss in comparison.

*your need for mental stimulation lemony auto-correct

i found looking after 3 pre school kids during maternity leave much less stressful than going to work. as others have said, it was great organising my own day and not having so many deadlines which meant i could just go with the flow. coffee mornings, days at the beach, parks, picnicks....you don't get that with paid employment just presentations, deadlines, targets, politics, demanding bosses......

once back at work i had to do a lot of what you mention anyway, eg feed kids, clean up and then do paid work on top.

YABU, I'm a sahp while on mat leave and it is far easier than my current job. I'd love to be a sahp or work part time hours but finances dictate otherwise.

The op is getting a really hard time here.
There are lots of jobs that are easier that being a SAHP if you don't have children and lots that aren't. WOHM with small children is, I think, the most tiring option.

Hope your day improves op.

I've been an SAHM for 5 years (well, one of those years was Mat Leave), ever since I had my second child. Before that I was a bank manager, busy City branch.

I've found being a SAHM much harder than work. Possibly becasue I combine it with self employed WFH in the evenings, at weekends and for the last 2 years when the kids are at school/pre-school. But jeez, it's relentless. The year my daughter was pre-school (but DESPERATE to go to school, Autumn baby) and my son was a 1-2 y/o toddler was the worst year of my life. horrific.

Now they're just-5 and nearly -8 and I'm about to start my Midwifery degree, I've a feeling things are going to get even harder!

Maybe the OP is being deliberately goady...I agree with the point upthread that it's actually a bit insulting when SAHP say they'd rather go to work 'for a rest'. If you honestly think that in this day and age, following economic recession, cutbacks etc, there are loads of jobs out there which involve just 'having a rest' then boy, you're way out of touch with the real world.

Many people work in gruelling, minimum wage jobs, sometimes
With the added stress of zero hours contracts. At the other end of the spectrum you have people in highly paid roles- highly paid because they're often carrying huge responsibilities, or the role requires very specific high level skills, or there are aspects which make it very demanding - having to be away from home for extended periods, having to manage difficult clients, employees, make unpopular decisions etc

And then there are loads of us in the middle (eg me as a secondary school teacher) where the money is good, but not amazing, and the work load is, quite frankly, far greater than being home looking after ones own children.

Honestly, if you think there are millions of jobs out there where you enjoy a comfy little commute to work, then sit in a lovely office environment doing interesting work all day long (but nothing which is too taxing or pushes you out of your comfort zone, not accountable to anyone and able to work at your own pace) with coffee breaks whenever you want, then frankly, why don't you go and get one OP?
Be careful what you wish for. When you try to re enter the world of work you might find yourself harking back to those days of being home. And remember- none of those parenting and domestic chores disappear just because you're combining it with paid work too... WOHP still come home to cooking the dinner, changing nappies, doing the laundry, night wakings...

I don't have a lot of sympathy with the "I go to work all day , then come home and run around after kids and partner , and then have to do all the housework too" brigade. Get better orgaized, get partner off bum , get a cleaner. No one needs to be a martyr .

I don't think people are devaluing SAHP I think most people have said it's not a competition to who is most tired.
You can be just as tired as the SAHP after working the day.

Neither the SAHP or the working parent is more important, they both contribute to the household needs and are both allowed to be tired

Completely depends on so many things.

Clingy baby, reflux, behavioural issues, sleep deprivation, and OH who doesn't help out at all is going to make being SAHP shitty and hard.

SAHP to a relatively chilled baby with an OH who pulls their weight fairly is pretty easy.

A stress free desk job is also pretty easy. Being a surgeon, or a police officer, or a social worker? A hell of a lot harder, I imagine.

It's not remotely a competition. And it's not really comparable at all.

EXACTLY Thurlow. Everyone only has there own experience by which to judge, so can only say what's more stressful for them.

Not sure how this has managed to generate 115 posts (and I know I'm just adding to that!)

their own experience, obviously.

I'd say the hardest thing about SAH is that it's very easy to become isolated and then it can seem that you have the hardest job in the world.

I think it really does depend. I do not compare myself and my partner. He works hard in a fairly physical role while I stay home. He would say I get to do fun things with our ds and he misses out while I would say while it is fun I also have to do with a demanding toddler who at times can be frustrating and miss out on the benefits from work. Both have pros and cons. We don't compete with each other and have never done that whole my role is harder argument. We both appreciate both have to be done and we both do what's best for our son and appreciate each other.

For some stay at home mums it is difficult, my sil deals with a severely disabled child every day and that is probably harder than a lot of jobs. He is 2 but developmentally he is around 6 months and needs all sorts of regular tests, hospital visits. So there are always people working and staying home who are in a worst situation than you.

Sound like a stressful morning op, I would take kids out for an hour and hope they have a long nap in afternoon.

Just out of interest, what do you think working parents' mornings look like? I have tried, but birds do not fly in when I whistle to change nappies and dress toddlers.

I have sympathy OP. My first mat leave I found harder than work. And before anyone tells me to get a real job I'm a registrar level doctor in a busy hospital so I know what a high pressure stressful job is!

My first had food allergies barely slept - would only catnap in the day unless driven in the car or pushed in pushchair meaning I couldn't nap or do housework in that time. He woke every hour and would only settle for a breastfeed. He vomited enough to create at least a full washload a day on top of the normal washing! I was on my knees with exhaustion despite a brilliant husband and parents nearby.

Now on mat leave no 2 with a baby who actually sleeps and can be put down to let me do stuff. Even when I have both at home it's a breeze compared to work or 1st mat leave.

Everyone's situation is different I hope yours improves soon OP.

Some days are and some days aren't OP. I started doing things to cut out the stress and make life easier, then the enjoyable days started to out number the bad.

I've always said this - even before I had my son. I used to do admin and accounting jobs and find doing a 40 hour week a lot less tiring than being a single, sahp - although not as rewarding or nearly as much fun.

Got a job interview next week though so may be changing my tune soon

The OP is getting a hard time because most of the things she listed as being "relentless" and more stressful than having to go out to work are part and parcel of general living and the ones that aren't are mostly of her own making.

I mean, come on. Dressing a child, cleaning up poo (which was only on the floor in the first place because the OP left the nappy off), washing up, cleaning a toilet, planning lunch, posting on Mumsnet while her baby naps - really? She considers that as stressful as going out to work? Most working people have to do all that in addition to holding down a job! I think she's being a massive drama queen.

Depends on the kids and on the jobs it is being compared to.

You get to plan your day as you like, sit and have a cuppa in the afternoon, walk to the park for an hour...would love my boss to introduce these into my role!

I'm at home with a very needy 8 month old. I can't plan my day as I like. I have a hell of a lot less flexibility than I did at work, and less down time (I dream of escaping to the tea point for 5 minutes.)

He won't be put down, and there's barely any time in the day that I'm not cleaning up (weaning), prepping food, feeding, changing, washing, trying to get him to sleep, doing housework, trying to plan ahead a bit (stocking up freezer, buying winter clothes for him). My down time is going on MN over his head while he feeds.

Today he is howling no matter what I do. Work was never this stressful and I spent the last year before I went on mat leave doing two jobs in a short staffed team, working unpaid overtime every day and dealing with constant performance reviews for a team member who got sacked. At a city law firm so not somewhere laid back!

DH is still shellshocked after being at home with us yesterday (working from home). It was an averagely bad day, nothing unusual. Stuff didn't get done so rather than even tread water I went backwards and so we stayed up til midnight doing the stuff I had hoped to do earlier.

Also at work I had a team - so practical and emotional support. At home I have aging ill parents to deal with, in laws in another country who don't lift a finger when they visit and no other family or support whatsoever. Lots of mum acquaintances but no actual support.

I've thought a lot lately about how the personality of your baby and your support network massively affects your whole concept of motherhood. I have friends who have helpful family close by and easy babies and they may as well live on another planet for how much their life resembles mine.