AIBU to think being a SAHP to a six-month-old baby and under five is harder than most jobs?

[TheOddity]

I don't know many people in jobs with a schedule or level of stress like that of a woman on mat leave in school holidays.
My morning, just from 7am to 10am:
Get up by being jumped on, immediately change sodden nappy.
Nappy in nappy bucket
Get four breakfasts ready while entertaining baby and answering questions/4yo stream of consciousness.
Try to find safe place for crawling baby while I wash up. Make den for 4yo.
Wash up, clean high chair, dustpan floor (weaning), wipe floor (crawling).
Hear a cry, sort out teddy stand off.
Put washing on. Spill powder, clean floor
Clean toilet and floor (baby crawls everywhere in a flat).
Baby grumpy and crying and falling all over fighting sleep. Put to sleep while trying to mentally plan lunch.
Finish washing up, have five second shower. Baby wakes distraught (teething). Feed baby while still wet and naked. Won't go back asleep after tiny nap.
Take nappy off again as soaked through and messy from breakfast. Give her some nappy free time.
Encourage toddler to take clothes off to get dressed.
Toddler needs a poo. Juggle wiping bum while baby tries to crawl closer from other room (can't put in cot as she just breaks down. separation anxiety?!)
Baby crying as after two days the nappy free trick has worked and they have done a massive poo on the floor and are now squirming in it. Leave toddler playing in sink while I sort out 'poonami'
'Poonami' sorted, baby back with nappy. Find toddler has flooded floor with water. Wipe up water while listening to baby crying in other room.
Baby dying to finish nap, put in sling while I encourage 4yo to dress. Go downstairs to throw poo and rubbish out. Baby finally asleep in sling.
Share woes with mumsnet while 4yo watches god knows what on TV.
That is three hours. It is totally relentless. And that is just me keeping things how they were before we woke up, no extra cleaning, no shopping, no trips. We go out lots but those bits you have to do at home and getting ready are soooo much harder than my paid job before. Dh then comes home to tell me he is so tired. I breastfeed and do all night feeds.

So SAHM means do all
House and child work? And woth parent split 50:50? I need a SAHM!

We split out childcare 50:50. The house stuff has never been, sadly.

However, IMO woth parents (both FT) are in a better position if they can buy in help (cleaning gardening all maintenance rather than DIY and so on)

zippy - because one parent is FT the other does 50 hours a week. Because one parent lives FT at home and the other works away. Because the man doesn't like housework or cooking and struggles with them...though is better at paid work.

Not rtft so apologies, but OP I think you are being absolutely ridiculous! I have a 3yo and she is a complete doddle to look after compared to doing my job.

YABU

I had three under three, it was a piece of piss looking after them all compared to working. Looking after three young children AND working full time, that must be hard, I honestly don't know how some women do it.

I think you must have had a very easy job op.

Two children is a whole different ball game to one. When I had one three year old, it was quite nice. When dc no 2 came along, boy, was it a shock!

Zippy My SIL was like that. I call it "Yes but now"

When they had one child:

It's so so so hard. I was so busy the other day I forgot to have breakfast (which rather sums up what she thinks is busy)

When we had one child and it was, as you say, not that hard after all

Yes but wait until you have 2 children. It's so so so hard.

When we had 2children- and it wasn't that hard either:

Yes but. 3 children. So so hard. It's so tough.

I know what you mean but it does make me laugh when people with one child are unsympathetic when people struggle with parenting by shrugging their shoulders and saying it's fine for me with my one child who's quiet anyway and sits on the corner with a book or something. It makes me want to kill dead things

I just finished mat leave and am still bf-ing. Dh has never done a night feed and didnt take even 1 day off when either dc were born. Bunch of flowers and a quick word about how quickly I can get back home. I discharged myself post c-section and carried my own bags, I also walked 2 miles before my dressing was even off to go buy a breast pump. I did all housework and washing to get ready for prem baby to come home. I was in terrible pain and dh never so much as picked up the hoover or gave me a lift anywhere. I've just finished mat leave and it consisted of excl. bfing, school run on foot, medical appointments and housework with friends and family 90miles away and dh out 7 days pw, it was lonely with little down time day or night and a tiny baby with reflux. It wasnt a bed of roses but I loved the time at home with my ds and I think, despite everything, it was so much easier than my job, as well as many people's jobs, such as nurses, carers, people advising the terminally ill, frontline soldiers, human rights lawyers, doctors, miners, sanitation services, traffic wardens, teachers

YABU I'm afraid and I say that as a home educating mum of four including a baby and without a car.

It's a different kind of stress. Being a mum has challenged and stretched me in ways that being at work doesn't.

But there are different pressures at work.

A working mum does not do everything a sahm does and more though! By definition they aren't doing the parenting during their working hours. And they don't have the 24/7 intense interaction with the children that a sahm does. That's not to say they aren't working equally hard in a different way.

Tangent - but Crocodillian, your DH sounds like a knob

That came out harsher than I meant it, but seriously... i'm shocked

Hmm crocodillian your DH does sound like a massive twat.

Just what job do you do that is harder than performing multiple physical tasks whilst in severe pain and in sole charge of children? It's interesting that you list front line soldiers and those caring for the terminally ill. Yes, I'd agree those are more stressful than most other occupations. Similarly, if you're a brain surgeon, say, or are wholly responsible for some major nuclear launch codes or something - then, sure, childcare looks like a piece of piss. But, seriously, loads of people I know just dick about in an office for a few hours a day.

Personally, I'm a secondary school teacher, which can be pretty stressful. More stressful probably than staying at home with my kids at the age they are now - but not more stressful than the baby stage where you get no sleep and don't feel like you actually have two hands because they're literally always full. I think people forget. Give the OP a break.

They do. And I totally agree with the above

Merchant I hope it didnt come across as though I was being funny about the OP, people on mat or sahps. I think it's hard work, and as I said, I just finished mat myself. I've also been a sahm and will be again soon if finances permit, and I don't suggest for one second that it's a walk in the park, I'm not considering it an opportunity to stick my feet up. I was just saying which roles I thought were harder and unfortunately having been on mat 2x and in my role well over a decade my works harder than even my mat leave with no help from dh. I had a breakdown and counselling and therapy over my job, as do many in my field. But I wasnt trying to be disparaging about anyone at home with a baby, or dcs, or caring for anyone. I would never.
I 100% agree that loads of roles are easier than being at home with a baby. Years and years ago I had a job in an office that was 100x easier than being at home on mat leave.
Cinnamon yes he is

I found it less stressful having a toddler and a baby than having a secondment on the Child Sexual exploitation team. I didn't take up a permanent job offer it was too stressful physically, and emotionally as well as having deadlines to meet for court cases, making sure information was accurate and relevant, being threatened by both perpetrators and victims ( who didn't see themselves as victims, even though they were giving out oral sex at 10 years old)

I'd defiantly prefer having little sleep and 2 small people than go back to that job.

Whathaveilost that's awful, those cases must stick in your mind even though you didn't stay. Some jobs are difficult to switch off from even when you get in you're having dinner or trying to sleep, and it's always in your mind

If working mums don't parent during work hours, then that would mean SAHM's aren't parenting when kids are at school/with family. Right?

You've describe my life, a nearly 3 year old and a 7 month old. Went back to work when he was 5 months for the break. Love it though. It's just a case of being a bit manic for a couple of years. Everyone works hard, just in different ways

Pfft.

I have DC 7,4, 19 months and 5 months and it's the end of the summer holidays.

I scoff at your 2 DC workload.

Disclaimer lighthearted

A heartfelt YES! Easier to bugger off to work

I wasn't going to comment again but I can't resist. I have had more than one of the 'stressful' jobs mentioned. The vast majority of the time, I found it equally stressful as being at home with two children. Everybody is different and finds different things stressful.

Toostressy perhaps you've hit the nail on the head. Thinking about it, you're right this is subjective. Who's to say what is and isn't more stressful or less stressful for others.

Blimey I don't often get told I am right here on Mumsnet

Well that's right Astoria, they aren't actively parenting if they are away from their children.

Mine don't go to school
or to stay with family though and a lot of sahm's are in that position too.
and whilst they do go on play dates, to activities etc without me it's never all at the same time so there are always children with me. That's true for most of my sahm friends.

Hats off to you tossers. I have 9, 7, 4 and 21 months but your workload trumps mine!!

I have to say though that my most challenging time as a mum was when dc2 was a baby!