AIBU to think being a SAHP to a six-month-old baby and under five is harder than most jobs?

[TheOddity]

I don't know many people in jobs with a schedule or level of stress like that of a woman on mat leave in school holidays.
My morning, just from 7am to 10am:
Get up by being jumped on, immediately change sodden nappy.
Nappy in nappy bucket
Get four breakfasts ready while entertaining baby and answering questions/4yo stream of consciousness.
Try to find safe place for crawling baby while I wash up. Make den for 4yo.
Wash up, clean high chair, dustpan floor (weaning), wipe floor (crawling).
Hear a cry, sort out teddy stand off.
Put washing on. Spill powder, clean floor
Clean toilet and floor (baby crawls everywhere in a flat).
Baby grumpy and crying and falling all over fighting sleep. Put to sleep while trying to mentally plan lunch.
Finish washing up, have five second shower. Baby wakes distraught (teething). Feed baby while still wet and naked. Won't go back asleep after tiny nap.
Take nappy off again as soaked through and messy from breakfast. Give her some nappy free time.
Encourage toddler to take clothes off to get dressed.
Toddler needs a poo. Juggle wiping bum while baby tries to crawl closer from other room (can't put in cot as she just breaks down. separation anxiety?!)
Baby crying as after two days the nappy free trick has worked and they have done a massive poo on the floor and are now squirming in it. Leave toddler playing in sink while I sort out 'poonami'
'Poonami' sorted, baby back with nappy. Find toddler has flooded floor with water. Wipe up water while listening to baby crying in other room.
Baby dying to finish nap, put in sling while I encourage 4yo to dress. Go downstairs to throw poo and rubbish out. Baby finally asleep in sling.
Share woes with mumsnet while 4yo watches god knows what on TV.
That is three hours. It is totally relentless. And that is just me keeping things how they were before we woke up, no extra cleaning, no shopping, no trips. We go out lots but those bits you have to do at home and getting ready are soooo much harder than my paid job before. Dh then comes home to tell me he is so tired. I breastfeed and do all night feeds.

I was a SAHM with three under four and I tend to agree with you OP. I have a busy professional job now (but only part time) which can be stressful at times, and I used to work very long hours pre DC. I think a typical individual day at home with the DC is a lot easier than a day at work, but somehow the total is greater than the sum of its parts iykwim. Never having a proper break is so tiring in the longer term!

It's just a different kind of hard work and stress! Sometimes I wish I could be at home doing slightly mindless but relentless childcare and tidying. Sometimes I would prefer to be at work even with the tough deadlines and occasionally terrifying level of responsibility that I have for a stranger's affairs, because I can at least have days when I can take a full hour's lunch break!

Yep I'm in care and it can be very stressful and both mentally and physically exhausting! I'm also a lone parent so have no support with dc either.

It's swings and roundabouts really. I found aspects of work stressful but in a different way to aspects of being a SAHM.

It sounds like you're having a bad day, is it always like this? It can be hard having multiple little ones at home, I have a 7yo, a 4yo and a 2yo and am pregnant with number 4 so I can sympathise.

Do you have safety gates? I know own you're in a flat so stairs aren't really a consideration but you could gate off a bedroom (kids bedroom?) and gate off the kitchen. It'll keep the baby out of the kitchen when you don't want him/her in there, like when you're cleaning the floor - ten times faster when you don't have a little one undoing the work as you go. And gating off a bedroom gives you a safe space to deposit the baby when you need to see to your other children.

Teach your toddler to wipe their own bum. Best thing ever. Toilet wipes can help at first, Tesco do specific toddler ones for around 50p a pack, and you'll get skiddy undies for a few days but it's one less thing to have to think about doing.

To make lunch easier, make everyone a packed lunch the night before and put it in the fridge then all you need to do is take it out at lunch time.

One of the biggest things I did to cut down on SAHM stress was to set my alarm so I would wake up 30-60 minutes before the children. It gave me time to get a shower, get dressed, and have five minutes of calm before tackling them. It made them that little bit less relentless because I was ready for them.

its not a competition! i can assure you that getting a 4 and 6 year old out of bed, dressed, ready for school, clubs etc, with approrpriate pe / ballet / judo / club kit, and making the 8am train to London is pretty stressful, run a business, race home, supper bath bed. But I remember being on mat leave with baby and 18 month old and that was hardcore too!

I do wish women wouldn't blimmin try to compete on who has it the hardest all the time!

See^^ life in somebodies hands VS a shitty nappy

Depends on the job you have and how many hours you work, often you've still got all those jobs to do when you get home after a days work cleaning the house, laundry, getting tea sorted. It all depends on the dc as well but I don't think they are really comparable as such.I really found it hard doing all that with 2 dc one of which was a baby when I went back to work, I would spend my weekend(days off) catching up all on the chores it was exhausting as i just felt I never had a break.

Personally I'm now a mum of three 8 year old,3 year old and 4 month old and I find it easier being on maternity leave a the moment than working and juggling school runs, childcare.

Oh, yes hun, you're job is way more challenging than people who spend their days performing life saving surgery, or going out to accident sites to try and save people, or who go in to war zones and try and diffuse bombs. You're the most hard done by person ever.

They're both hard in different ways but a SAHP gets to decide what happens when and as long as the basics are covered, they can do as little or as much as they like.

People at work can't have a lazy day because they're tired and they generally have a boss that expects certain performance standards and you can be sacked if you don't meet them.

No I don't think it is at all. There are days or(more likely) periods during a day that are very tough but you're not answerable to anyone which removes a lot of the pressure and stress and there are long periods in the day when you're not really working at all. Snuggled up watching TV or reading a book, going swimming, playing in the park etc are what other people do for leisure.

If you have a job you still have to do many of the chores that you've listed during your typical day on top of the job

Can't comment on anyone else's situation but I've been on maternity leave for 10 months and it's been an absolute dream compared to my previous situation with a full time job and a child at school.

One of the best things me and my husband ever did was vow not to compare tiredness and to continue to try to make each other's lives better. Sometimes I feel sorry for him, stuck in an office while I am in the paddling pool, sometimes he feels sorry for me, no chance of a hot cup of coffee or adult conversation while he has access to one of those bean to cup machines any time and spends much of his day talking physics with intelligent colleagues and friends.

I agree that it's not comparable... It's just different. Some jobs will be far less stressful than being a SAHM and some will be more stressful. Like someone said, it's not a competition... I wish we could all support each others roles instead of comparing.

Yabu and dramatic, am confused about the number of dc as well, do you have a baby a toddler and four year old?

It's just different, isn't it? My job is stressful, I carry a lot of responsibility for myself and others, it's not something I leave at the door when I come home, I need to be flexible and often work long hours.

When I was on mat leave I found things difficult in a different way. It's the relentless nature of it that's hard, so no going for a wee in peace or having 5 mins to collect your thoughts. But it's not stressful or difficult. And I could always stick the TV on for 20 mins if I needed a rest. Plus small kids nap and big kids can entertain themselves for a bit.

Yeah, all in all working full time is definitely harder. Because now I'm balancing the stressful job and being a parent (just like millions of us do every day).

It's not a competition! But I'm a teacher and looking forward to September (mine are 6+9, so not hard, but draining) by beginning of October I'll be counting down to the holidays.

I preferred work too. I expect it depends on your work / personality / talents. I have a fairly low stress nice job. Mat leave I found boring lonely and stressful. But I don't think my experience is average.

What do you want a blue peter badge? Yes yes your life is very hard and you are working harder than most other people.
What a stupid self important thread.

Huh?! That's a massive generalisation. What work did you do before maternity leave?

At home, you are in charge of the situation. In a lot of jobs many people do not have a high locus of control. Lack of control = high stress.

I'd take a day of working in an office over a day of staying home and looking after a baby and toddler anyway!

Hmmmm I think yabu, yesterday I told a family their gf had passed away in a really horrible rta, lodged the body in the mortuary and wrote a report detailing the rta, then I came home and thought about them all evening but still looked after DS and DP and did all the usual mum stuff

YABU I'm a WOHM with a DD8 which you'd think was an easy life. NOT! I have deadlines and juggle several different work contracts plus I have to entertain my only child who sees me in the house and naturally thinks I'm home rather than working.

But do I feel martyred? No, you just need to find the fun in things (Mary Poppins alert) and take it from there.

YANBU

I have a 10 week old and a 5yo. The baby I can cope with, the 5yo is relentless! I don't think he ever stops talking and I must look immediately at whatever he's trying to show me. 500. Times. Per. Day.

DP has a week off this week. It's heaven

blimey.....i used to do all that after a night duty on a busy surgical ward....catch a couple of hours sleep and repeat.......on my nights off i never moaned about getting up to feed and change a dirty nappy....i was just thankful that i wasnt changing some incontinent patient at work!....everyone copes differently...i suppose if you are used to sitting in an office all day then looking after YOUR OWN children is hard work!

This summer has been total agony with a 9, 3, and 1 year old, plus a 2 month old mindee three days a week.

When my DS was born last May that summer (when I had a newborn, 2, and 8 year old) was not nearly so awful.