AIBU to think being a SAHP to a six-month-old baby and under five is harder than most jobs?

[TheOddity]

I don't know many people in jobs with a schedule or level of stress like that of a woman on mat leave in school holidays.
My morning, just from 7am to 10am:
Get up by being jumped on, immediately change sodden nappy.
Nappy in nappy bucket
Get four breakfasts ready while entertaining baby and answering questions/4yo stream of consciousness.
Try to find safe place for crawling baby while I wash up. Make den for 4yo.
Wash up, clean high chair, dustpan floor (weaning), wipe floor (crawling).
Hear a cry, sort out teddy stand off.
Put washing on. Spill powder, clean floor
Clean toilet and floor (baby crawls everywhere in a flat).
Baby grumpy and crying and falling all over fighting sleep. Put to sleep while trying to mentally plan lunch.
Finish washing up, have five second shower. Baby wakes distraught (teething). Feed baby while still wet and naked. Won't go back asleep after tiny nap.
Take nappy off again as soaked through and messy from breakfast. Give her some nappy free time.
Encourage toddler to take clothes off to get dressed.
Toddler needs a poo. Juggle wiping bum while baby tries to crawl closer from other room (can't put in cot as she just breaks down. separation anxiety?!)
Baby crying as after two days the nappy free trick has worked and they have done a massive poo on the floor and are now squirming in it. Leave toddler playing in sink while I sort out 'poonami'
'Poonami' sorted, baby back with nappy. Find toddler has flooded floor with water. Wipe up water while listening to baby crying in other room.
Baby dying to finish nap, put in sling while I encourage 4yo to dress. Go downstairs to throw poo and rubbish out. Baby finally asleep in sling.
Share woes with mumsnet while 4yo watches god knows what on TV.
That is three hours. It is totally relentless. And that is just me keeping things how they were before we woke up, no extra cleaning, no shopping, no trips. We go out lots but those bits you have to do at home and getting ready are soooo much harder than my paid job before. Dh then comes home to tell me he is so tired. I breastfeed and do all night feeds.

I'm a single mum to an 8 month old and work full time. Up at 6am to get me and my son ready, out the door at 7am, walk half an hour to childminders then commute to central London to start work at 8.30. Finish at 18.00 then race back to childminders to pick up at 18.45 and walk half an hour home and then bath baby and do bedtime routine and then do any washing and tidying and make some dinner then go to bed and get up for two night time feeds then back up again at 6am. All while dealing with mental ex DP and having full financial responsibility for everything.

It depends what your job is. For me, being at home with 2 under 4's was a piece of piss compared to working 12 hour shifts (mixture of days and nights) on an acute medical assessment unit.

It depends. Not all mums that work do so full time, i do 2 days and the other 5 im rushed off my feet with a baby and little boy also trying to catch up on housework, washing etc that i would of had done if i wasnt at work those 2 days. I know sahm that sit on the couch all day and do nothing with their kids and mums that work part time that are always so busy doing things with their children. I suppose it depends what kind of life you live

That meant to say part time or full time sorry*

Being at home with the kids is harder work than my job but it isnt just sahm that are tired, rushed off their feet and with kids all day :/

Actually I often find childcare harder than being a city lawyer. At least at work I have a chance of managing my time. I think it makes it harder when you're the mum because you care more about the crying. Up to recently though we did have 3 under 3 so that could have been a factor.

I haven't read all of this very long thread, but....

I loved being on maternity leave with my ds who was 4 at the time and my dd who was erm... the baby.

Also, a 4 year old is not a toddler.

Depends on the baby for me. I have 3. The first 2 were as hard as work, but more enjoyable. Dc3 had reflux and I had severe pnd. Would do almost any job than have to relive those first 6 months of relentless hell.

Hi op, I totally get you. It's unrelenting whereas a job has moments of alone or other adult time. Plus it's very boring being a sahp. Hats off to you.

Missing the point. I get the feeling you're cloth napping. Which I may be wrong about, but as you're so stressed would disposables for a while be an idea?

YABU

Sorry but staying home with DCs is so much easier than cramming in housework, cooking, shopping and actually spending time with the kids when you're working full time!!!!!!!

This place is full of martyrs these days

YABU - it's relentless, often feels thankless and is physically (and sometimes emotionally draining), but it isn't intellectually taxing as many other jobs.

Funny that my moron children are happy well adjusted grown ups with university educations, interesting jobs and healthy relationships.

I should have been a SAHM and banged on about what an awful grind it was it was- I guess they'd have turned out even better 😂

OP, I'm surprised the comments here aren't more balanced. Looking after children IS a really hard job. And I say that as someone who sometimes works 18 hour days when away. The difference is that in my job I am autonomous, and I thrive on the productivity. Having children is relentless, you often feel like you've achieved nothing in a day and with a baby there can be periods of little or no positive feedback or sense of achievement, and that's really hard to manage. Now I work again I only spend a couple of days in a row with DS so I really enjoy it, but if childcare was my routine 24 hours a day 365 days of the year I'd find it crushing. My strategy is always to get out the house and away from the frustration of feeling like I can't get anything done. Have a picnic in the park so you don't have to clear up weaning mess. Go for a slow walk somewhere beautiful where you can take the time to answer your older DC's questions. Enjoy taking in a museum (something I never have time for when I'm working!) Good luck OP!

Lovingit - are you on glue?

those moron children that don't do anything and just sit there - perhaps I was lucky in that my DS was able to entertain himself, self settled at night, didn't need constant picking up, would be happy to be left with anyone ................ so for me yes, being a SAHM was incredibly easy - I don't think I am a super parent by any means, but I was not, and am not, prepared to be a martyr to my DC which some mothers appear to be. I get somewhat fed up with the comments about 'never being able to use the toilet in peace' - I never allowed my DC to disturb me, there is a lock on the door for a reason and children need to know that they can't have a parent's attention all of the time.

YABU.
It's relentless but not hard work. Not by a mile.
I can think of many many jobs which are stressful, hard work AND relentless!

Your time is not your own but getting up at 6am, getting the DC up, dressed, fed and out by 7am, an hour commute, a physically and mentally draining job, another hour commute back at 5pm, preparing evening meal, bedtime routine/play, followed by household chores, washing, ironing and finally paperwork related to job is tough.

I'd love to be a SAHM.

whereas a job has moments of alone or other adult time.

Clearly written by someone who's never worked a mixture of day/night shifts in acute healthcare setting

those moron children
Nice. Reported.

In my opinion it's the being shouted at all day that grinds me down. My 20 month old clings to my legs for about eight hours a day screaming for me to pick her up. The drudgery I can cope with but the being shouted at freys my nerves and makes me feel under enormous pressure. Both roles are difficult but at least in most jobs you can walk freely without doing side steps while someone is tugging at you so hard your trousers are being pulled down and without listening to that scream that makes your ears actually pop.

The only thing I'm finding difficult with the kids at the moment is the constant fighting. They were rolling round a clothes shop floor earlier. I am finding it a bit tedious splitting them up every 5 mins. They are 8 and 4 year old boys. I have a 2 year old girl who has the beginnings of joining the scrum! My opinion is that work is harder with stress levels.

Silkybadger- to be fair, I think the OP would have received nothing but support if she'd posted honestly, saying she's having a tough time.

But to post in AIBU, making a direct comparison between her life and that of people working outside the home, is goady. Of course there is going to be a mixed response, as many people genuinely have found being at home with their children far easier than bringing up children while also being in paid employment.

That's not to say that being at home
With young kids isn't at times relentless, often very repetitive and not necessarily intellectually stimulating. But I wouldn't say it's difficult, or particularly stressful, and I'm not going to feel I should apologise, or be told my children must be morons- (honestly, is that poster on the sauce or something?!) simply because I found being at home with them fun, relatively straightforward and most days, far easier than also doing paid work

Yes I agree

A goady thread....

What a ridiculous op. Of course it's hard work and physically demanding and a hell of a lot of drudgery. But it's not high octane stress on a par with something like being a surgeon or a barrister defending someone you believe to be innocent or a financier working through the night to closer a multi million dollar M&A transaction - etc etc.