AIBU to think being a SAHP to a six-month-old baby and under five is harder than most jobs?

[TheOddity]

I don't know many people in jobs with a schedule or level of stress like that of a woman on mat leave in school holidays.
My morning, just from 7am to 10am:
Get up by being jumped on, immediately change sodden nappy.
Nappy in nappy bucket
Get four breakfasts ready while entertaining baby and answering questions/4yo stream of consciousness.
Try to find safe place for crawling baby while I wash up. Make den for 4yo.
Wash up, clean high chair, dustpan floor (weaning), wipe floor (crawling).
Hear a cry, sort out teddy stand off.
Put washing on. Spill powder, clean floor
Clean toilet and floor (baby crawls everywhere in a flat).
Baby grumpy and crying and falling all over fighting sleep. Put to sleep while trying to mentally plan lunch.
Finish washing up, have five second shower. Baby wakes distraught (teething). Feed baby while still wet and naked. Won't go back asleep after tiny nap.
Take nappy off again as soaked through and messy from breakfast. Give her some nappy free time.
Encourage toddler to take clothes off to get dressed.
Toddler needs a poo. Juggle wiping bum while baby tries to crawl closer from other room (can't put in cot as she just breaks down. separation anxiety?!)
Baby crying as after two days the nappy free trick has worked and they have done a massive poo on the floor and are now squirming in it. Leave toddler playing in sink while I sort out 'poonami'
'Poonami' sorted, baby back with nappy. Find toddler has flooded floor with water. Wipe up water while listening to baby crying in other room.
Baby dying to finish nap, put in sling while I encourage 4yo to dress. Go downstairs to throw poo and rubbish out. Baby finally asleep in sling.
Share woes with mumsnet while 4yo watches god knows what on TV.
That is three hours. It is totally relentless. And that is just me keeping things how they were before we woke up, no extra cleaning, no shopping, no trips. We go out lots but those bits you have to do at home and getting ready are soooo much harder than my paid job before. Dh then comes home to tell me he is so tired. I breastfeed and do all night feeds.

Sometimes you get days like that. You just want to feel valued, it can be hard with no one to say Thankyou, or well done. It seems chaotic to me though, try to be more in control/ organisation is key! Have a safe place for your baby/ toddler to be so they don't cause more mayhem when you're dealing with the other. Good advice from previous to get up earlier yourself to shower, make a cup of coffee- organise breakfast, you'll feel so much more in control. Both going to work and being a sahm can be tough.

I've been both a SAHM and a full time working mum. Both tough jobs! The stress of juggling it all whilst in a full time job is far more stressful trust me! Going to work full time after sleepless nights is beyond the stress I had as a SAHM! Also the panic when nursery calls you mid meeting when you have to drive there ASAP with a long commute! I'd love to go back to being a SAHM although that is a stressful job too!

I'm a childminder and have had seven children between 6months and 10 here every day this week. It is exhausting, but it is not the hardest job in the world. I have still managed to put tea on the table by 6pm each night, keep the house tidy and empty the laundry basket. Maybe it's easier becasue not all the children are mine and in the evenings it's only my three here and I get a full nights sleep 95% of the time.

I have always thought it must be harder for the parents of the children I look after,Clive a sahp I can make the tea while the children are playing/napping or get them to help, peg out the washing while they are playing in the garden, pick up any bits of shopping we need as part of an outing into town etc. Working parents have to cram all of that into a couple of hours in the evening, when both they and their children are tired and not at their best.
I do get that being a sahp is exhausting. It's relentless, monotonous and can be lonely sometimes. But all jobs have good and bad points. I just don't remember the time when I had a (non sleeping, bf, cloth nappied) 9month old and three year old the most stressful or hardest time of my life (and for that period of our lives, DH was in Afghanistan with the RAF for 4 months, so it certainly could have proved itself to be).

Look on the bright side when they start school you won't know what to do with all that time on your hands and you might actually miss some of the hustle and bustle

No even close to being the same as working full time in a demanding job and coming home to pick up where you left off in the morning with child centred activities and domestic chores.
Had 2 children 14 months apart after 2 caesarians and a house move 10 days before giving birth to the second. I remember it being relentlessly tiring and had no family anywhere near by way of support.

However - at least with children at home you manage your day around their needs, your worries are about them and you manage your comings and goings to what you can cope with and fit in. I stayed at home for a year with each child before resuming full time work.

Working outside the home is harder because you are being pressured by other people's demands, working to other people's schedules and have no choice but to meet the targets set for you because you are paid to do that. Coming home for 'a rest' isn't an option because you have the same family responsibilities as someone who stays at home - you just pack it all in to the beginning and end of the day.

Haven't read the whole thread. .. the first few twats annoyed me so much that I thought I'd just skip to the last page.

I'd say this: I'm a secondary school teacher in a pretty stressful school. I thought workwas strstressful. .. until I had a baby.

If you found it 'easy' to be on mat leave, first of all, fuck off.

Secondly, consider whether your baby slept well. If it did, then you are effectively disqualified from this discussion.

Being continually sleep-deprived is very awful. It sends you a bit crazy. Yes, you are get tired - exhausted even - in a demanding job. But there are options in extremis - call in sick, go to GP if need be and get signed off. Look for another job. Those are not available options for parenthood, in case you haven't noticed.

I get work pressure. But it is still (however wonderfully important you are) still just a job.

I think those who struggle like OP with parenthood are not just struggling with the mundane and never-ending list of jobs; they're struggling with the unbelievable magnitude of the job. It's FOREVER snd it's awesome, in all senses.

I am past the sleepless bit and the nappy bit and all the really tricky logistical stuff, but I still get freaked out and sleepless over the sheer terror of loving vulnerable beings so much. The worry is eternal - it's not a job you could potentially quit!

Sorry - but I pity people who find parenthood 'easy'; I think they're missing something.

Hmm. What could be harder than being a SAHM to a 6m and a 5yr old?

How about going back to work with a 5.5m and a 3yr old, being woken two or three times in the night by the baby, then up for the day between 5-6am with either or both of them, having to get all 3 of you fed, dressed and out the door by 7.30am, drop them both with childcare, do a full day at work then pick them up, drive through rush hour traffic with two tired offspring, get home (about 6pm) make food, feed everyone, get them ready for bed, throw a load of laundry in, make sure you've got your stuff ready for work the next day, wish you had the energy to put the vacuum cleaner over the floors, and wonder when you're likely to get a full nights sleep.

Mat leave was only 6 months when I had mine. Being a SAHM was a luxury I could only dream of.

Marmalade I read your post and I just wanted to say that it sounds like your life is bloody tough and I take my hat off to you for coping so brilliantlu. You sound like a remarkable lady. I really do hope it gets easier for you

I find parenthood pretty easyish, because I have a supportive partner and a reasonable amount of support from friends and family.

I imagine if you don't have support and nobody to give you a break or let you catch up on sleep and it's relentless it must be very hard.

Marvellousmonsters- I agree. ML was 3 months when I had my first. Setting the alarm for 5.30 am to bf a baby (after already doing a middle or the night feed) then getting up, getting baby off to cm and driving to work by 8am to teach a full day- now that was tough.

Thank you custard. Currently finding strength I never knew I had.

Ragwort I totally agree. I've never understood all the I can't go to the toilet in peace posts - I was always very firm, once they were mobile and able to follow me about. You can bang the (locked) door and scream all you like. You are safe, no harm will come to you in the 2 minutes or so it takes me to go to the loo . They soon stopped trying and got the message that in our family, we respect each other's privacy.

Yes OP you're being totally unreasonable. I say that as a mother who had six singletons under seven at one stage and that was still easier than a great many jobs, I'm sure of that. Silly post.

while i do appreciate where the OP is coming from, at that age (mine were 2.5yrs apart) i was actually a lot less stressed and a lot happier than i am now.

Now i have a 9yo child with Autism, ADHD, SPD, Anxiety and DCD, and an active 7yo who doesn't understand that we can't go and do half the stuff she wants to because her DB can't cope with it. I am being bombarded with screeching and screaming from 5am until 10pm and several times in the night.

Having a child like DS and living on less than 4hrs sleep a night for 9 years and NO respite whatsoever for the last 5 weeks because i can't sleep in the day while he's at home and not in school, i am on my knees.

I'm exhausted, my own anxiety is through the roof, i am covered in bruises from dealing with his meltdowns and having to separate him and his sister constantly. I haven't spoken to anyone to have a conversation other than my DH, DB, Neighbour and my Mom since july 22nd.

So sorry OP, YABFU, i'd gladly swap.

I feel ur pain so bad Im a sahm and it is the hardest job ever I have dc 12,7,4,23 months my 7 year old does have adhd and mild autism so that does make my life slightly harder, but where are our dinner breaks, weekends of from "work" sick days there are none we have to suck it up and get on with it, I while heartedly agree with you, it's shit sometimes, and I don't feel bad for saying that coz it never fucking ends it's a 24/7 job, my dh totally agrees his job is very physically demanding often leaves at 6am to not return till 6,7pm at night, be agrees my job is far far harder then his will ever be.. I feel ur pain I really really do I've had a pretty shitty 6 weeks and have got it the point I honestly don't no how much I can do this for glad for the bank holiday dh home for extra day!.

agree with others it is the sleep deprivation that is a killer, it slowly changes you-mentally and physically. Let's just say one isn't on top of the world when sleep deprived, and the relentless needs of baby and hildren can very quickly feel overwhelming, leading for some to depression Sleep deprivation is also linked with weight gain, type two diabees and cardiovasular disease. Even without that, being home full time SAHP is no picnic, and I agree with others the loss of status is very important- and why put downs are coming through so thick and fast on this thread.

I think a lot of people on this thread are comparing being a sahm with working life prior to children which isnt a fair comparison really.

I get somewhat fed up with the comments about 'never being able to use the toilet in peace' - I never allowed my DC to disturb me, there is a lock on the door for a reason and children need to know that they can't have a parent's attention all of the time.

From what age?

The point of the 'take them to the loo with you' stage that I remember was to keep them safe, not to indulge their egos.

Another thing people don't think of when you work is the stress of organising childcare. Cover whilst you are working, cover for sickness, holiday clubs, etc. It is bloody stressful trying to cover it all whilst still keeping a little bit of your wages to make working worthwhile.

YABU .

No, it is not the hardest job ever.

I had 2 DC with a small age gap. I actually dream of being a SAHM again.

Try working full time while raising 2 DC who need support with school work.

It doesn't get easier OP , it just becomes different.

And I totally echo marvellous.

Tbh some mothers really piss me off with how hard done to they are with motherhood.

What on earth did you expect it to be like?

And fgs all those who take their babies to the toilet with them - have you ever heard of putting them in their cot for a couple of minutes???

And porg yes organising childcare is a consistent stressor for us.

There's one consistent message that comes across from every single answer on this post.

my life is harder than your life, even if though I have no fucking clue who you are or what you have to do, it can't possibly be as hard as mine because I have a -insert responsibility here-

I've had the high powered job, worked the long hours, been at home with babies, pre schoolers, babies and preschoolers together.

Quite honestly the only thing I can conclude is that the older you get, the harder life is... Because unless you've never done the role you're comparing your own situation to, you're comparing it to something in the past which feels easier than life does now.

Given there seems to be an equal balance of people complaining about children v work, I can only conclude that the only bloody difference is how much you complain as a person.

Making the complainers the most difficult about working v non working people, no matter which side of the divide you're on.

I agree that sleep deprivation is a bastard. But WOHP don't magically have children who are great sleepers. Being at home with pre school children all day after having a rotten night up and down with them is tough. But getting those children out of the house before 8am and then doing a full day's work after a rotten night isn't a picnic either