AIBU to think being a SAHP to a six-month-old baby and under five is harder than most jobs?

[TheOddity]

I don't know many people in jobs with a schedule or level of stress like that of a woman on mat leave in school holidays.
My morning, just from 7am to 10am:
Get up by being jumped on, immediately change sodden nappy.
Nappy in nappy bucket
Get four breakfasts ready while entertaining baby and answering questions/4yo stream of consciousness.
Try to find safe place for crawling baby while I wash up. Make den for 4yo.
Wash up, clean high chair, dustpan floor (weaning), wipe floor (crawling).
Hear a cry, sort out teddy stand off.
Put washing on. Spill powder, clean floor
Clean toilet and floor (baby crawls everywhere in a flat).
Baby grumpy and crying and falling all over fighting sleep. Put to sleep while trying to mentally plan lunch.
Finish washing up, have five second shower. Baby wakes distraught (teething). Feed baby while still wet and naked. Won't go back asleep after tiny nap.
Take nappy off again as soaked through and messy from breakfast. Give her some nappy free time.
Encourage toddler to take clothes off to get dressed.
Toddler needs a poo. Juggle wiping bum while baby tries to crawl closer from other room (can't put in cot as she just breaks down. separation anxiety?!)
Baby crying as after two days the nappy free trick has worked and they have done a massive poo on the floor and are now squirming in it. Leave toddler playing in sink while I sort out 'poonami'
'Poonami' sorted, baby back with nappy. Find toddler has flooded floor with water. Wipe up water while listening to baby crying in other room.
Baby dying to finish nap, put in sling while I encourage 4yo to dress. Go downstairs to throw poo and rubbish out. Baby finally asleep in sling.
Share woes with mumsnet while 4yo watches god knows what on TV.
That is three hours. It is totally relentless. And that is just me keeping things how they were before we woke up, no extra cleaning, no shopping, no trips. We go out lots but those bits you have to do at home and getting ready are soooo much harder than my paid job before. Dh then comes home to tell me he is so tired. I breastfeed and do all night feeds.

Likewise, it's discussions like this that are the reason we have such an awful track record with gender pay gaps and opportunities here, nothing but a constant rhetoric of women undermining women for doing what women believe to be best for themselves and their families.

Way to go ladies, way to go.

A 94 year old woman one said to me,"When you are a Mum at home with young children it is the best time in your life, but you are too busy & exhausted to enjoy it" She used to leave the mess and chaos on a Saturday, and read story books in her bed to her three kids(one SN boy, two girls) they now retell those memories fondly

Leave the house work and just dance with your kids OP ! Who gives a ... what anyone thinks :)

By the way I actually work full time with 4 kids but, along with many, I have not forgotton it's very hard being a sahm either

Being a parent is fucking hard work, whether you work or not. I have a best friend who works full time and has 2 children the same age as mine, I always wonder how the hell she does it but she says the same of me. We have equally stressful days I'm sure but just in different ways. My children are just under 2 years apart. My youngest was v ill for about 8 weeks from 5 months. I was breast feeding and she then wouldnt sleep for more than 30/40 mins at a time all day or night. I survived on 4hrs interrupted sleep a day for months. There were no breaks in the day for tea/coffee/sleep as dc1 didnt nap and needed attention when dc2 wasnt screaming (rare). DH works extremely long hours. Would leave at 7am and not get home till 10pm on average, often a lot later. I have no family that live close so had no help. It was a very difficult time for me and I only got through it by the skin of my teeth. Yanbu op. Parenthood is a wonderful but bloody difficult thing especially when they are so young. We should support each other in our own individual circumstances whatever they are because whether you work or not it is not easy. I worked with dc1. Neither was an easy ride.

When there's me and an on call doctor to take care of an entire hospital I would much rather be sat at home taking care of kids.

Tbh, some SAHP's who I know vastly underestimate the pressure on the person who works and financially carries the family.

And again there's the competition, who gets it harder. Cracks me up. It's all very subjective. I'm a SAHM to 4 kids, my husband works away so I'm with them 24/7. It's hard. I used to work in a very busy HP practice. It was hard. It's about what works for you. I will say when I worked out of the house, I did at least get a cuppa in peace 😉

GP Practice....

I think it's also about what's more rewarding. If you stay at home you're getting to see your kids so so much more, you're seeing everything, you're not missing out on their 'firsts'. It broke my heart getting phone calls about firsts, not being there to witness them. No matter how hard my job is, that is hard. Not being there.

Why have 2 children then moan it's hard work. I would love to stay at home with mine. My job is really stressful and my home life is really stressful I have a really poorly mum. So I work 8 hour shift then come home do the washing , ironing , make dinner whilst dd pulls on my leg wanting to cuddle mummy which is all I want to is cuddle her. But have hoover, clean. I love bathing dd it's half hour of one on one time. So yeah it can be tough at home but not stressful. I love being at home all day with mine.

Not having help makes a big difference .... My husband leaves at 5 ish and not often home before 9 and we have no family, so I totally sympathise. Most of the people u know have their mum/ in laws pretty close by. Even if they are not full on they will still have one while you take the other to the doctors, rainbows etc ....
And it's always grandparents helping at swimming lessons too. It's sad for my children too as they miss out on that

Being at home with my daughter is hands down the most stressful time of my life. Can't imagine having 2. I'm glad many women love their time on mat leave, but I'm not one of them. I've been sleep deprived for 3 years, leading to heart palpitations and anxiety. I barely function. My daughter still screams at me all day and is becoming very bossy. I've had some stessful full time jobs with responsibility and long hours. Doesn't compare a dot to managing my daughter on 4 broken hours of sleep.
Everyone has a unique experience of motherhood. If it's hard for you then that's your experience. Never feel bad about that and it doesn't help comparing yourself to the mums who are fighting it easier than you.

No you're really not being unreasonable to say it's harder than being at work! In a way I think it's the same for me. Just as hard as work but at least I have some control over my day which helps with the stress levels.

I too am a stay at home Mum. My kids are 3.4 years and 3 months. I gave up my job as a senior manager in the civil service 1 year ago to be on a 3 year career break, so I could look after my then 2 year old boy. I would say staying at home with 2 kids in the summer holidays with no pre school for my 3 year old is very very hard! I broke down in tears the other weekend after 4 solid weeks of being with both kids back to back each day. Kids wondered what was happening!

I think posters here are missing a crucial point you made about you being a) on maternity leave, ie a very young baby's needs to see to and you might want to focus on them right now not the older child, and b) 6 school holidays meaning no baby classes or pre schoolschool open.

I was managing fine until the start of the school holidays because my 3 year old went to pre school 3 mornings a week which gave me a bit of a break from entertraining him all day. But it's the absence of any support from pre school that's been really hard for me! Next year he will be 4 so he can go to summer camps but right now I've found most summer camps wouldn't take him so young. It's been tough not having a few hours rest in the week. At least at work you get a 30 minute lunchbreak!

The job I left to take a career break from was so stressful (fast paced, high profile, political). That I was made ill by burning the candles at both ends - stressful job, physically hard work with toddler on days off plus lots of night waking. I would definitely say that I'm coping better being a stay at home Mum rather than a part time working Mum. It doesn't mean my lifestyle is any easier but I personally find it suits me better for the personality I have. I don't cope well with pressure to perform in the workplace. Caring for children is horses for courses. Doesn't suit everyone. I do think though that being a stay at home Mum there's no one to delegate to, like at work. And if you're struggling then colleagues pitch in or take work off you. That doesn't happen on your own with kids!! Hang in there. Get a pre school place for your eldest as soon as you can! It's my salvation.

I think you can't possibly compare. I found being on maternity leave very tough as I was bored out of my mind, lonely and depressed. Work is much more stressful but it stimulates my mind which keeps me happier.

No I don't think it's as hard as having the lack of sleep from breastfeeding/newborn/terrible sleeper and then having to get ready and look presentable and deal with a high stress job where you have to make important decisions that could seriously affect others lives.
I had two kids within 18 months and found it incredibly hard but I was only trying to get through the day, very little of what I did had repercussions beyond that. I coped fine with my stressful full time job after having the first baby as he slept well and was happy to go to nursery. Second baby was a limpet who only wanted mum so I didn't return to work as I knew I wouldn't be able to do the job as effectively due to lack of sleep and worry.

It depends on the children and the job you are comparing it to. I am a SAHP to two preschoolers and have four others - although eldest has flown the nest. I run my own business and find it far less stressful than working. I am quite lazy and laid back though so working doesn't really suit me

Yanbu. I found work easier when someone was at home doing all that.

I support our family on just my salary and failed to get a promotion yesterday for the second time. Partly I think because I am utterly exhausted from lack of sleep and never having downtime. The pressure is horrendous. My DS can't fire me, appraise me, put deadlines on me. If could swap with my husband and stay at home full time instead of working full time I would do it in a heartbeat.

At 6 months I would probably count it as maternity leave tbh and I found may leave a whole lot easier than returning to work.

If you compare SAHP vs working without children it's harder.

YABU OP.
There is no way being at home looking after kids is universally more stressful than working out of the home. Tbh its just a bit of a myth a lot of people peddle to justify not going back to work at all!

A 4 year old is not a toddler, it's a child and if they are starting school online September they need to wipe their own bum!

With 3 DC and age gaps 12mths and 20 mths with the middle child disabled ........ I still think my DH has it harder as a worker !!!

YABU and quite offensive tbh. Being a SAHM is a massive luxury and you should appreciate it far more than you are doing.

Many of us have no choice. I went back to work evenings and late into the night when DD was 6 weeks old, so looking after her all day then working on top. Do you fancy that OP?

Would swap with you in a heartbeat and you sound quite ungrateful.

You can't say being a SAHM is a luxury when some people are forced into it even when they don't want to. The luxury is having a choice, whether that's working or staying at home.

Serious question to OP: have you transferred some of your parental leave to your DH? Or if not, are you planning to return to work soon, rather than taking extended ML of a year?

Because it's one thing to post letting off steam after a particularly bad day, but it's downright goady to post saying being at home is harder than most jobs if you're not prepared to put your money where your mouth is and take steps to change things.

You are truly fortunate to have the options above; as I and many others have pointed out, we were back at work with 12 week old babies, and our husbands got the day of the birth off work. I would have loved for my dcs to get the benefit of shared parental leave and that special 1:1 time with their dad, and we would have jumped at it even if it wasn't quite as financially viable as me taking the whole time off, because i think it's a lovely thing for the father, and most importantly, the children.