AIBU to think being a SAHP to a six-month-old baby and under five is harder than most jobs?

[TheOddity]

I don't know many people in jobs with a schedule or level of stress like that of a woman on mat leave in school holidays.
My morning, just from 7am to 10am:
Get up by being jumped on, immediately change sodden nappy.
Nappy in nappy bucket
Get four breakfasts ready while entertaining baby and answering questions/4yo stream of consciousness.
Try to find safe place for crawling baby while I wash up. Make den for 4yo.
Wash up, clean high chair, dustpan floor (weaning), wipe floor (crawling).
Hear a cry, sort out teddy stand off.
Put washing on. Spill powder, clean floor
Clean toilet and floor (baby crawls everywhere in a flat).
Baby grumpy and crying and falling all over fighting sleep. Put to sleep while trying to mentally plan lunch.
Finish washing up, have five second shower. Baby wakes distraught (teething). Feed baby while still wet and naked. Won't go back asleep after tiny nap.
Take nappy off again as soaked through and messy from breakfast. Give her some nappy free time.
Encourage toddler to take clothes off to get dressed.
Toddler needs a poo. Juggle wiping bum while baby tries to crawl closer from other room (can't put in cot as she just breaks down. separation anxiety?!)
Baby crying as after two days the nappy free trick has worked and they have done a massive poo on the floor and are now squirming in it. Leave toddler playing in sink while I sort out 'poonami'
'Poonami' sorted, baby back with nappy. Find toddler has flooded floor with water. Wipe up water while listening to baby crying in other room.
Baby dying to finish nap, put in sling while I encourage 4yo to dress. Go downstairs to throw poo and rubbish out. Baby finally asleep in sling.
Share woes with mumsnet while 4yo watches god knows what on TV.
That is three hours. It is totally relentless. And that is just me keeping things how they were before we woke up, no extra cleaning, no shopping, no trips. We go out lots but those bits you have to do at home and getting ready are soooo much harder than my paid job before. Dh then comes home to tell me he is so tired. I breastfeed and do all night feeds.

MrsFrumble

Sorry I made you shout, perhaps OP should go back to work then, same difference

Hear you totally OP
its bloody relentless some days, there are occasional days where I seem to get a bit of respite but for the most part I end the days mentally and physically exhausted.
When my second (well, fourth but 18 year gap haha) was born my first was 15 months. The first year (at least) was pure hell. My girls took it in turns to sleep through the night - youngest is now 2 and a half and is still an astoundingly crap sleeper.
Even now when they're nearly three and nearly 4 they are so full on, they run in different directions when we're out, park is not an easy option - it's no mean feat to keep eyes on two kids in a packed playground I can tell you - my husband has this idea of sitting drinking coffee while I chat to my friends, that is so far from the truth it's not funny!!!

It is the hardest job in the world! I've had stressful jobs with a lot of responsibility in the corporate world before but nothing is as hard a looking after a under five and new born. Quite surprised with so many people finding it easier than a job. I've hardly ever spoken to people who find it easier than their work! Although it's hard, I still wouldn't do it any other way and love having two closer together. It will get easier!

YANBU!!!!! Have a similar day every day. Hardest thing i've ever done. Easily the best obv....but still....Work, for me, was different stress but (generally) could switch off from it (in pub, weekends, holidays) . also had colleagues to share things with....this feels like a solo mission no matter how DH tries when he's home. Be strong! Apparently you look back in this time with rose tinted specs!

Sorry haven't read all 14 pages OP a baby, a toddler and a 4 year old or is the 4 year old the toddler? Sorry if it's been covered but surely 4 year old will be going to school in a week or so ( if England) & then you'll just have the baby?

Mine ar 2 years apart & teenagers now & I find them far more emotionally draining and difficult than when they were 6 months & 2.5

That should have said do you have a baby, toddler and. 4 yr old

What about back to work full time plus that in the morning before a full day of teaching demanding teens? Oh, and running a pub / hotel where, although DH did the hands on stuff, I ran payroll, staff hiring and timetables.

This was 14,years ago with a 6 month old and a 2 year old. It actually makes me tired thinking about it.

But, it passed. Now both teens are out and DH and I have a quiet evening in before picking them up from job / social event. Lovely, calm life...

You will get though it.

YABU I work and manage childcare,me and my husband work opposite shifts. I am either working or looking after my child. My day often runs from 6am when my child wakes up until 1.30am when I finish work. I will then be up again at 6am when she wakes again.

I'm a SAHM, DH works full time. Both of us think we have the easiest ride which is why it works for us.

That said i have only ever worked part time in the past due to health issues so not sure about comparing SAH to full time work.

This is the hardest, toughest job I have ever done and it's soooo full on. My DH has a very senior job in a big firm and helps out loads when at home but even he says its harder being at home. He jokes and says he gets hot coffee, which is more than I do. I was a teacher before and the level of stress and tiredness at home is harder for me than it was at work.
It is tough. But there are pockets of sunshine and you have to cling onto that. It gets easier... Hang in there. 😊

My dd is, so I have been told, very easy and laid back and I still find it exhausting. What it must be like to look after a child who is not easy and laid back I do no know.

I think I am missing something here ....
A lot of the arguments against being at home being hard is, no goals, no targets etc ...
How about a well rounded, grounded, polite, educated human being that you can help allow to achieve their full potential ...
I don't think much else comes close to that?!

Sorry but also in the YABU camp here. Depends on your job. Teaching is not the sort of job that gives you time to go to the loo or have a drink (or look at MN!). As other teachers have said getting a toddler and a baby ready and be out of the house by 7.45 to go to work, deal with big classes all day, come home & do household chores, bath & bedtime etc... then get your books/laptop out and work most of the evening (hoping the don't wake up again) and having to spend all Saturday morning cleaning/food shopping because you've been busy all week.......
For me maternity leave was so much easier - no performance management, no targets, no meetings, no weekend work, a break for 2 hrs at lunch while they napped.
Now they are older it is so much easier getting out in the morning & work PT so not quite as intense or stressful.
There are much harder and more stressful jobs than teaching too.

I work for the emergency services. I find my job which entails 24 hour shifts easier than when I had three kids under the age of 4! My choice though. But totally agree with you!!! It gets better as they get older though and my three are all great sleepers xxx

Are you me? I feel your pain

But seriously I think it depends on your DC. Like converse said, 'you can get on with stuff whilst the nap for two hours', well chance would be a fine thing. I get 45 minutes at a time and most of that is spent running around cleaning up or sorting the other out.,

It isn't a competition, but let me list all the ways in which I beat you...

If it makes you feel any better OP, while you are wrong in the case of our resident surgeons and social workers you are right as far as I'm concerned. My work is more or less stress free. Then again maybe that doesn't make you feel better.

On the days I'm at home with my toddler (3 days a week) I spend his nap time having a nap myself

I try and get the basic housework done whilst he's awake, washing up, putting some washing on, dusting and hoovering etc and then I do the ironing at night time when he's gone to bed.

We have a cleaner come once a fortnight to do the kitchen and bathrooms, and general housework jobs that I never find time for, and this helps ease the pressure. My DH does most of the cooking in our house so I don't have to worry about that.

I can't imagine what it must be like to hone with 1+ children a day and be responsible for their entertainment, all the housework and the cooking too. I would feel like I never have any time to just be myself.

My job is hard and stressful but at least for 37.5 hours of the week I only have to focus on myself. I miss my DS terribly when I'm at work but having a break from motherhood and housework is totally worth it.

How long until you go back to work OP?

Yabu, sorry!

There are do many jobs that are harder, more stressful and demanding.

I get that it's difficult to juggle but I think that its not harder than being a surgeon for example (my dh is a surgeon too wildfire) he found looking after our dc a walk in the park compared to working.

I guess everyone's perception of how 'difficult' things are is different.

I think it's so individual though as PPs have said. I'm a HCP. I've worked with a lot of surgeons. I'd say about half say being at home is easier, half say being at work! I know a lot of staff in high pressure, frontline jobs who find that easier than being at home. I have heard many (admittedly mostly male) consultants say they find their jobs easier than being at home with children. Perhaps I just work in a stress free hospital ?

Are you me?

Mmest75 because what you are saying is that you cannot have polite, well grounded etc children if you work, which is patently untrue.

Totally with you. Soooooooo hard. I ship one to nursery 5 days to cope with dd1 4years and ds2 10weeks

Toostressy, I think alot of surgeons find the unpredictability of kids a bit hard, they know where they are with work! Im very lucky that my dh is more than happy to hang out with the kids than give more blood sweat and tears to the NHS! I am a HCP too and i would rather spend a day with my kids than working on an understaffed busy ward where you get pulled in 10 directions-nightmare!

I think it can be tricky to get back into the swing of sorting the kids out when you are more used to being at work and maybe thats where some struggle.

I think yabu OP, working, juggling childcare, housework, social life, just every day needs is a huge PITA, I'd rather be at home with my children and not have 50 hours of my time taken away with working.