AIBU to think being a SAHP to a six-month-old baby and under five is harder than most jobs?

[TheOddity]

I don't know many people in jobs with a schedule or level of stress like that of a woman on mat leave in school holidays.
My morning, just from 7am to 10am:
Get up by being jumped on, immediately change sodden nappy.
Nappy in nappy bucket
Get four breakfasts ready while entertaining baby and answering questions/4yo stream of consciousness.
Try to find safe place for crawling baby while I wash up. Make den for 4yo.
Wash up, clean high chair, dustpan floor (weaning), wipe floor (crawling).
Hear a cry, sort out teddy stand off.
Put washing on. Spill powder, clean floor
Clean toilet and floor (baby crawls everywhere in a flat).
Baby grumpy and crying and falling all over fighting sleep. Put to sleep while trying to mentally plan lunch.
Finish washing up, have five second shower. Baby wakes distraught (teething). Feed baby while still wet and naked. Won't go back asleep after tiny nap.
Take nappy off again as soaked through and messy from breakfast. Give her some nappy free time.
Encourage toddler to take clothes off to get dressed.
Toddler needs a poo. Juggle wiping bum while baby tries to crawl closer from other room (can't put in cot as she just breaks down. separation anxiety?!)
Baby crying as after two days the nappy free trick has worked and they have done a massive poo on the floor and are now squirming in it. Leave toddler playing in sink while I sort out 'poonami'
'Poonami' sorted, baby back with nappy. Find toddler has flooded floor with water. Wipe up water while listening to baby crying in other room.
Baby dying to finish nap, put in sling while I encourage 4yo to dress. Go downstairs to throw poo and rubbish out. Baby finally asleep in sling.
Share woes with mumsnet while 4yo watches god knows what on TV.
That is three hours. It is totally relentless. And that is just me keeping things how they were before we woke up, no extra cleaning, no shopping, no trips. We go out lots but those bits you have to do at home and getting ready are soooo much harder than my paid job before. Dh then comes home to tell me he is so tired. I breastfeed and do all night feeds.

Not sure a brain surgeon, police officer, GP, teacher etc would all agree.

My GP did.

*Today 10:31 Bobochic

Dontyoulovecalpol - if you have a baby you would need someone to take care of it while you do those shifts in a bar or shop. You might also need transport to and from work. Neither of those are a given.*

If you're not a single parent the other parent steps up and does that. Very few people have partners who work 24/7

But working at night would ADD to the OP's workload as her kids will sleep at least part of the time. And it's often easier to sort out a baby during the night than wrangling baby and toddler during the day.

No she's working constantly. She needs break from her children because it's so so hard. So working in the evening would be far easier than being present for the evening routine and potential wake ups. OP herself said its easier

I think you're being disingenuous here but you're entitled to your opinion just like I am.

I am a corporate lawyer by profession- high stress, long hours. I found being at home with small children harder than being at work, but not because it's intrinsically more stressful- I really enjoy going to work and find the stress positive and buzzy, while the difficult stuff at home is just dull. It's the dullness that's the killer, really, and feeling trapped.

I also think it's a Q of how you see it. If you're not enjoying things, it's easy to see them as all piling up, so the OP's post lists things like putting the nappy in the nappy bin and cleaning some spilled washing powder, but I'm sure she wouldn't bother listing "take lid off pen" or "pick up folder" or whatever equivalently small thing she'd be doing at work.

Not to say that it's not tough, OP- it really is. But it sounds like it's the relentless dullness that's doing your head in rather than the fact that childcare is intrinsically stressful. Is there any way you can get some time off? PT job?

Op is on mat leave so will be returning to work I think. Part time evening bar job would mean she would never see her dp.

YABU

I think you should count your blessings that you are able to be a SAHM and not complain! Yes I agree it is hard, I have 4 children so I have had time off work on maternity leaves. I have to work to pay the mortgage as I am the main breadwinner so all the housework that you can do in the day mum's like me can only start that about 9pm after we have worked a full day come home, done the tea and then tried to spend some time with our children before putting them to bed.

I am not complaining, it is just how it is...I will not be putting a post on saying "AIBU that it's hard been a full time working mum and raising kids" that's life, it is hard!

Perhaps you should go and get a job and then see how hard it actually is? Just an idea!

I've done both -
I worked on a very busy trading floor, responsible for a lot of the firms money, millions ...
I was at my desk at 6 and had to do a lot of client entertainment in the evening. I saw some of the most volatile market conditions - the end of the tech boom, the collapse of bearings, Lehmans ....
I was never fazed or stressed unlike the rest of the floor ( all men) ...
Im a SAHM and I do get stressed ... It is a harder job... It has to be its the most important one out there and as you know the most rewarding but it's constant and unpaid...
The cleaning, washing, ironing, reading, testing spellings, swimming lesson, sorting parties, school runs, making costumes, baking, rainbows, dancing, piano lessons, tennis, play dates .....

Ps - however I do except I am very lucky to have the choice to be able to as i know so many people don't and I think that's v hard. Going back by choice or being at home by choice either being forced upon is no good for anyone

YABU and completely ridiculous, sorry. No-one denies that being with small children is hard work and it's relentless, boring, exhausting, thankless etc. But there is not really any accountability, no performance standards, no clients, no boss, no-one reporting to you, no targets, no round and round in circles petty bureaucracy, no politics, no commuting, basically, none of the factors that can make paid work massively stressful. Within reason you can do what the heck you like as a SAHM.

Aren't you glad you asked op!

The mistake you have made is posting with a complaint about being a SAHP on mn! I've found mn to be quite hostile to SAHP s generally. When you're a SAHP tired=lazy, working hard at it=martyr etc. You should think yourself lucky and stop complaining!

I saw your post as a bit of a rant after a crappy morning. Hope today's been better.

I've done mat leave with twins and went back to work when they were 1 year old and trust me work is far more stressful. True it may be hard to keep them occupied all the time and physically tiring but that's nothing compared to office stress - managing a team and meeting deadlines. The worst which can happen with kids is they get annoyed or become difficult or cry but being judged by senior people is a whole different ball game......... and keeping teams & staff appy is almost actually more difficult - you can't let them play with LEGO or watch TV for half an hour - and the stresses are completely different.

Depends on the children and depends on the job, surely?!

Had 3 under fives, when youngest was 9 months old took a night job on opposite shifts to OH twas hard going but we were poor and needed the money. Also no GPs on either side so no respite care hahah. Still alive though.

parents working outside the home all the time. They do what you do + go out & work in a job.

What, they look after children at home 24 hours a day and then do 8 hours (or whatever) at work? Wow Surely the point is that working parents (I am one) get to do something else besides childcare, which then makes the childcare easier because it's not all you do? That's my experience, anyway.

mmest75 I am a wohp but I still have to take my kids to swimming lessons and all the rest. I don't do the school runs on my working days but they are still dropped off. The only things I don't do are the tennis and dance because my kids don't do them and costume making ( how often is that?? Once or twice a year?!) so maybe mine have fewer activities. Being a sahp to pre school children is a world of difference to having 6 hours a day free to bake and make costumes!

SAHparents have a lot more housework to do than parents who work full time with their kids in day care.

Agree it's not a competition. For what it's worth I found being at work harder. Even harder was working full time and picking up tired children from nursery at the end of the day. Not much fun.

I've worked both FT and PT. I found being at home with a preschooler harder than working, but when i was working the evenings and weekends at home were far worse. Once kids at school it's a doddle.

Perhaps you should go and get a job and then see how hard it actually is? Just an idea!

OP IS ON MATERNITY LEAVE! OP HAS A JOB!! Sorry for shouting but jeez...
OP also has two children so presumably has done the working parenting thing already, so her opinion is BASED ON EXPERIENCE.

I'll stop shouting now.

Im a deputy head teacher in a large primary school.Due to current staff shortages I am also in class full time.My day is relentless.
I am also a single parent,teens now , I have brought them up totally alone both are exhausting.
We all find different bits tiring,but you know what I like being busy. I'm so lucky I have managed to have a job I love and great kids. But dear god I am tired,Just like many parents.

I have not read through all the responses as I don't have time. I am a single mum of a one year old and it is much harder than any paid job I have had. It is constant and you never click off. Once they start crawling and walking you never get a minute to yourself . It is mentally and physically exhausting!

Yanbu!!

Clock off!