AIBU to think being a SAHP to a six-month-old baby and under five is harder than most jobs?

[TheOddity]

I don't know many people in jobs with a schedule or level of stress like that of a woman on mat leave in school holidays.
My morning, just from 7am to 10am:
Get up by being jumped on, immediately change sodden nappy.
Nappy in nappy bucket
Get four breakfasts ready while entertaining baby and answering questions/4yo stream of consciousness.
Try to find safe place for crawling baby while I wash up. Make den for 4yo.
Wash up, clean high chair, dustpan floor (weaning), wipe floor (crawling).
Hear a cry, sort out teddy stand off.
Put washing on. Spill powder, clean floor
Clean toilet and floor (baby crawls everywhere in a flat).
Baby grumpy and crying and falling all over fighting sleep. Put to sleep while trying to mentally plan lunch.
Finish washing up, have five second shower. Baby wakes distraught (teething). Feed baby while still wet and naked. Won't go back asleep after tiny nap.
Take nappy off again as soaked through and messy from breakfast. Give her some nappy free time.
Encourage toddler to take clothes off to get dressed.
Toddler needs a poo. Juggle wiping bum while baby tries to crawl closer from other room (can't put in cot as she just breaks down. separation anxiety?!)
Baby crying as after two days the nappy free trick has worked and they have done a massive poo on the floor and are now squirming in it. Leave toddler playing in sink while I sort out 'poonami'
'Poonami' sorted, baby back with nappy. Find toddler has flooded floor with water. Wipe up water while listening to baby crying in other room.
Baby dying to finish nap, put in sling while I encourage 4yo to dress. Go downstairs to throw poo and rubbish out. Baby finally asleep in sling.
Share woes with mumsnet while 4yo watches god knows what on TV.
That is three hours. It is totally relentless. And that is just me keeping things how they were before we woke up, no extra cleaning, no shopping, no trips. We go out lots but those bits you have to do at home and getting ready are soooo much harder than my paid job before. Dh then comes home to tell me he is so tired. I breastfeed and do all night feeds.

... Unless they earn less than the cost of childcare for an infant.

... That was in response to "no one is forced to stay at home".

Yanbu. Have 6 month old and a 5 year old and I don't get a minute. Barely get to eat.

Yeah mrsfrumble- and if the OP had posted saying she was really struggling being at home but couldn't afford to return to work, then I suspect she would have had 100% sympathetic responses. But she says she is on ML, which strongly suggests she is going back to work. I was just making the point that she isn't obliged to take a full year if she feels working is preferable

YABU to say it is harder than most jobs, you don't know most jobs for a start.

DH for an example, was out on a roof on Wednesday in 30+ degree heat, all day, in dark, thick clothing (for safety reasons), slogging his guts out lifting and installing very heavy pipe, surrounding by metal that absorbs the heat and is pretty much like being surrounded by radiators on full blast, this was from 7.30am to 6pm, with a total 1.5 hr break that is split into smaller breaks.

Tell me that's not harder.

I appreciate staying at home with young children day after day can be draining, but there are 'down times' when they nap, or are content and moments of joy, it is rarely relentless in the way I describe above.

Fair enough catrabbit. I was posting in response to the generalized statement that no one is forced to stay home rather than the OP's specific situation. (And the notion that staying at home is always a choice and a luxury, which underpins the debate on threads like this).

Is anyone forced not to work? Surely anyone can fit in some
Shifts in a bar or shop to get away from the enourmous stress and difficulty of caring for children. There are few people who can't evening/ night or weekend childcare

I don't think YABU to speak from your own experience, I think it depends largely on what job you did before and how many children you have and their age differences. I was a chief reporter on a newspaper before giving it up to be a SAHM so I am used to working to tight deadlines and under pressure etc. I have two children DD is 3 and DS is 20 months. When I just had DD to look after I would have said that going out to work was more stressful, but having two little ones at home, while wonderful, is extremely hard. Because they are so close in age they fight like cat and dog, wake each other up in the night and generally tear through the house leaving a path of destruction behind them. It is slightly soul destroying to go to bed with a clean and tidy house only to have it turned upside down again in the space of an hour the next morning. when you're a SAHM there aren't any lunch breaks and I do start to feel like my three year old's butler sometimes. Having said that I am incredibly lucky to have the option to stay at home. My friend had to return to working as much as she loves her career it's really hard for her to leave her little boy. My DH runs his own business and is under a large amount of stress but he looks after the kids for the day and says he doesn't know how I do it all the time! I'm really lucky that he helps me out a lot around the house but I am still very stressed, my hair is currently falling out from it, I never had that before having kids. So I can only speak from my own experience, and I haven't gone out to work and then had to come home and deal with the kids and housework, respect to those that do! I did however try to work from home part time for about three months, worst idea ever and stress central! Hope things get easier for you soon OP.

Dontyoulovecalpol - if you have a baby you would need someone to take care of it while you do those shifts in a bar or shop. You might also need transport to and from work. Neither of those are a given.

The op was not goady at all. The op was CLEARLY just an observation from someone who is having a bit of a tough time of it. Also, she did not say all jobs, she said many jobs.

The posters on this thread who have decided op is being goady are merely using that as an excuse to be deeply unpleasant. What a bunch of cunts.

She did not "insult half the country" - what a monumental pile of shite.

You're a right charmer aren't you bibbity 😂

Not when I'm annoyed, no.

bibbity - has the irony of you accusing people of being deeply unpleasant passed you by given the content of your posts?

I read the OP as a 'fucking hell what a ridiculous day' post. Which is fair enough, we all have those days! But insinuating that you have it harder than most people who work is bound to get people's backs up, not least because most working parents have been there too and in lots of cases do all that and work!

No, I don't see any irony at all .

Also, I would like to meet the wohp who can be two places at once.

Besides which, op IS a working parent and she knows what it is like to work outside of the home as a parent.

So.... If I started a thread as a WOHP, saying I've got it so hard combining raising my children with working in paid employment, and saying how easy it would be to stay home with my pre schoolers 'for a rest' ... That wouldn't be goady?

Got to love the double standards on MN.

I wouldn't find it goady, no. I'd think to myself "good luck to you then".

I hope op can get through the rest of her mat leave ok and sigh a sigh of relief on her first day back at work.

oh it's so tempting to start one and wait for bibbity to reply, being oh so sympathetic to WOHP and telling any SAHP who disagree that they're a 'bunch of cunts'!!!

You must do whatever makes you happy Catrabbit.

Agree- and so must the OP which is why she can breathe that huge sigh of relief and get back to work straight away if she wants 😊

Isn't it all personal context?

I personally have found it much harder (I have three 6,4,2) because I don't find it easy to spend so much time alone and I miss the structure, drive, excitement and social aspects of working.

It has been a huge personal slog at times just to keep the routines and the house clean in this endless bloody Groundhog day of scheduling pick ups and drop offs and socialising with people I have nothing more in common with than having reproduced and endless cleaning.

It depends how you define hard. My previous job was a professional specialist 7-7 type thing and I do what I do now alongside retraining in another profession and doing a PhD. I'm fairly sure that I work MUCH harder now and with less felt sense of reward than when I had much better pay and professional status... and it is at times INFINITELY dull.. but I am not living somewhere with many job opportunities so this is how it has to be.

People fuse with the idea that what they do all day defines them. It's just what you do all day. It changes hugely over the course of a lifetime for everyone.

My dp is a chef doesn't get paid for all the overtime he does and is in a extremely busy kitchen in this heatwave and very rarely gets any time to eat anything himself all day. I definitely get the easier job.

And other reasons people are forced to stay home

• childcare costs for three in countries where there are no concessions
• unemployment
• caring responsibilities where their job is paid less than their partner's and something has to give
• various types of disability.

I know it can seem like a lifestyle choice but you know, it isn't for everyone. I would really love to be able to work full-time and have affordable childcare for the kids and that in itself makes the day to day grind harder at times as it isn't what I chose or wanted for myself as a free choice and this is in the context of having reduced status, reduced money and reduced future security.

That's a lot harder than just going out to work in lots of jobs.

And people who say "oh but wohm have to do all the same boring shitty jobs", yeah sure. But you don't do them endlessly on repeat over and over and over and over with no respite for months and even years on end. You get variety and variability and that can make things feel a lot easier to manage (yes, I've done both).

It's not really the same kind of hard work. I've done both, and currently sahm of two under 4.

Think it's important for a couple to understand and empathise/ support each other's hard work when ones at work and ones at home. It can easily turn into a competition of whose got it the worst otherwise.

So.... If I started a thread as a WOHP, saying I've got it so hard combining raising my children with working in paid employment, and saying how easy it would be to stay home with my pre schoolers 'for a rest' ... That wouldn't be goady?

Well, that depends why you started it, obviously. If you started it to be a wanker then yes, that's goady. If you started it because you are struggling and are suffering from a bit of "grass is greener" then no, it's not goady. Not so hard to understand really.

Got to love the double standards on MN

Whilst there are double standards, this is not a example of them. The OP was struggling having had a shit day and wanted to vent or get some support.