AIBU to think being a SAHP to a six-month-old baby and under five is harder than most jobs?

[TheOddity]

I don't know many people in jobs with a schedule or level of stress like that of a woman on mat leave in school holidays.
My morning, just from 7am to 10am:
Get up by being jumped on, immediately change sodden nappy.
Nappy in nappy bucket
Get four breakfasts ready while entertaining baby and answering questions/4yo stream of consciousness.
Try to find safe place for crawling baby while I wash up. Make den for 4yo.
Wash up, clean high chair, dustpan floor (weaning), wipe floor (crawling).
Hear a cry, sort out teddy stand off.
Put washing on. Spill powder, clean floor
Clean toilet and floor (baby crawls everywhere in a flat).
Baby grumpy and crying and falling all over fighting sleep. Put to sleep while trying to mentally plan lunch.
Finish washing up, have five second shower. Baby wakes distraught (teething). Feed baby while still wet and naked. Won't go back asleep after tiny nap.
Take nappy off again as soaked through and messy from breakfast. Give her some nappy free time.
Encourage toddler to take clothes off to get dressed.
Toddler needs a poo. Juggle wiping bum while baby tries to crawl closer from other room (can't put in cot as she just breaks down. separation anxiety?!)
Baby crying as after two days the nappy free trick has worked and they have done a massive poo on the floor and are now squirming in it. Leave toddler playing in sink while I sort out 'poonami'
'Poonami' sorted, baby back with nappy. Find toddler has flooded floor with water. Wipe up water while listening to baby crying in other room.
Baby dying to finish nap, put in sling while I encourage 4yo to dress. Go downstairs to throw poo and rubbish out. Baby finally asleep in sling.
Share woes with mumsnet while 4yo watches god knows what on TV.
That is three hours. It is totally relentless. And that is just me keeping things how they were before we woke up, no extra cleaning, no shopping, no trips. We go out lots but those bits you have to do at home and getting ready are soooo much harder than my paid job before. Dh then comes home to tell me he is so tired. I breastfeed and do all night feeds.

Op I had a 2 year gap and my second maternity leave was harder than my work (university teacher). At work you can control your time and you're treated with respect. Babies are unpredictable and sometimes don't give you break. My toddler never napped and didn't stop talking and moving, so had to take her out but she was also a bolter! I cried a lot in that year off! Once I went back to work I immediately felt much happier and enjoyed my time with the dc a lot more. I should have gone back to work sooner but my maternity pay was very good and I kept thinking I needed to try harder.

It's not the same for everyone of course. Lots of my frI ends found it easy with 2 littlies but all I can say is that I did not!

Splendide I hope you get a rest soon. You sound exhausted. Can you dp help at the weekend? X

I can't get much of a break this weekend but Thursday I have a day off which is one of DS' nursery day and I'm still going to send him I think. I'll feel like a horrible bitch but I think I need a day in bed or I'm going to go insane.

Yanbu. It will get easier. Have a although it'll probably go cold before you get to drink it.

It's not a competition. Both are hard but have very different pressures.

I have a ten mo th old who never sleeps so a 7am start would be a dream. I'm up every hour at least, and I find the lack of rest and lack of alone time to turn off a bit very difficult.

However, it's still not the guy churning constant anxiety I ha e at work with a boss who seems to dislike me, ludicrous deadlines and calls at all hours to various time zones.

The tough bit is going to be bring back at work, juggling said job plus a sleepless tiddler :(

There are a few factors. I think SAHP often have smaller age gaps- something working parents are less likely to do due to childcare (it does irritate when people say they can't afford to work but have 2 under 3 or similar - well no, you'd have to earn about £60k before tax etc. That's why people who are working often have to wait.
Of course small age gaps also usually make it tougher

At the same time people have different levels they can cope with- some people find very stressful
What others find a breeze. Stressful or hard aren't objective measures

some children/babies are easier than others but dare I say it (preparing to be flamed) some parents make a rod for their own back by being baby/toddler led to the exclusion of asserting their needs in the scenario.

I was a single parent 40 years ago, with a premature baby and trying to juggle childminders and full time work when my time off ran out.
I had to make sure my time was spent appropriately to enable me to get through each day without my son suffering neglect (he turned out well) which meant I could balance my life. I made plenty of time and attention for him but avoided making myself a martyr to child-centredness that appears to be the norm currently. Just IMO of course.

It is not a competition.

My 1 year old sleeps badly so I am exhausted. I have a very lively 5 year old. I have to clean, cook, wash, iron, shop etc etc etc AND work full time in a very stressful job which also requires me to work from home when DC are asleep. Is that harder than being a SAHM? I think it is. I would give anything to be a SAHM. I would love to be able to go to playgroups, visit parks, build dens, change nappies, hold them when they are sick, build Lego, draw, eat lunch with them...but I can't as I'm at work 5 days a week and spend weekends squeezing in doing nice things and doing mundane things like the weekly shop/cleaning etc.

Ultimately, we each have our own experiences and what may be harder for me/you/whoever may be easier for someone else.

Trafel Get better orgaized, get partner off bum , get a cleaner.

I am well organised, my partner does half of the house stuff and I can't afford a cleaner. It all still needs doing once we finish our full time jobs.

mozismyhero that's a very good point. What is the hard bit? Making their food? Cleaning it up? Getting them dressed? Putting them in the buggy and going for a walk? Going to rhyme time or sensory? None of that is hard.

What I find hard are the demands. All day you belong to THE MAN. All night you belong to THE BABIES. You constantly belong to someone and it's not you.

That said, by far the most depressing and hard thing I ever do as a WOrking parent is log into work and carry on working once they're in bed. Utterly soul destroying

Nah, being at home is fantastic compared to work. What don'tyoulove said, plus the wasted time commuting, but that ironically it's the only time that people aren't wanting stuff from you. apart from other drivers

And more than anything, you get to spend time with your kids while they grow and explore and you get jumped on and you can't go to the loo in peace. You get the time to make sure that your washing up actually gets done and the floor is hoovered rather than walking into it and thinking oh fuck I've got to do this now, and spend time with the kids and as soon as that's over I've got to carry on with that work.

Being at home is fantastic compared to doing both.

What I find hard are the demands. All day you belong to THE MAN. All night you belong to THE BABIES. You constantly belong to someone and it's not you.

This sums it up. Before I had kids at least I had (most) weekends free to rest, relax, read a book etc.
Now I know that I'm going to be hounded st work for having to leave on time. I know my boss is going to try to manage me out. I know I'll be incredibly stressed because I'll be made to log in once the kid is in bed... But he doesn't stay in bed. He's up constantly. So there is no block of evening time I can work in. Nor morning time because he's up by 4am.

I honestly don't know how I'm going to cope. I suspect I won't cope very well. Being a sahm would be great but we can't afford it.

(We are organised and we do have routines by the way. Babyhubble is a serious cot dodger and even the dreaded controlled crying failed to work on him..)

Don't let a baby wander around with no nappy and it won't shit on the floor. Also it's not being a sahm which made you spill washing powder in the floor & add to your workload.

Gosh, there are some proper cunty replies on this thread aren't there? If you are struggling and feeling like bashing your head on the wall more often than not op then I would suggest an appointment with your gp. You mention pnd - if you feel you might be suffering then do please ask for help.

Fwiw I found being a sahp to two pre-schoolers harder than any of my 9 previous jobs. Dh would say the same (and he only had the joy of being their primary carer for 2 days a week when they were 8 and 3 and I started a part-time job for a bit of blessed relief!!). for you, that sounds like a terrible morning!

Some people are unfortunately completely lacking the empathy gene. It must be terrible for them.

Why is the OP making four breakfasts when she only has two children? Surely her DH can get his own?

Why post a goady thread (my life is harder than your life!) literally telling EVERY other parent that your life is harder and then act like a victim when you are pulled up on it. No one made you post this.

Ugh, whiny passive aggressive martyrish SAHMs are the worst. I bet you say crap like this to WOHM parents and then are shocked (shocked!) when they don't like you!

whiny passive aggressive martyrish SAHMs are the worst.

No, nasty, spiteful posters who can't see when someone is struggling are the worst.

I think people misunderstood the post though. I read it as looking after small children is [often] harder than [some/most] jobs.

Not looking after young children and also having to work is easier than just looking after young children.

Also, as SoupDragon says the OP seems to be struggling and I don't see why anyone would want to make her feel worse!

And I work FT - I'm not a SAHM.

she might want to find a less goady way of asking for support than insulting half the country.

Wow, there are some mean spirited responses.

Why is so hard to understand that different people find different situations stressful at different times in their lives? Because we're all, y'know, different? The solipsism of your average mumsnetter never fails to astound me.

IME people receive sympathy and support when they post being honest and open about the fact they are struggling.

If you post in AIBU with a goady 'I've got it harder than everyone else', and that tired old chestnut, 'I'd love to go to work for a rest', then you'll probably get the kind of mixed responses seen on here.

Anyway, the good news is that the OP has the option to return to work pretty quickly if she wants. Her baby is 6 months old; no need to stay off for another 6 months if she's genuinely not enjoying it, and believes combining being a parent of two with paid work would be easier. Maternity rights are pretty flexible- no one is forced to be at home for the entire year.

Yes, being a SAHM with two children is harder than every job

Not sure a brain surgeon, police officer, GP, teacher etc would all agree.

Being home is easy, no rules, no boss, no performance management, no worry of being sacked and you put the entire financial burden on a partner of the state.

Adults who work still parent, still run a house etc. Its not unique to those that don't work.