Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to move away from family to get out of privately renting? Really confused :-(

162 replies

Worriedwoe · 24/08/2016 08:20

Thanks for reading and will try and keep this as short as poss!
We currently live in littlehampton near my mum.
My brother also lives nearby in a village and my elderly nan lives here too so all close family are here.
We have been privately renting for 12 years and have moved 6 times until this last " long term let " where we have been here 3 years and no major issues apart from a £25 year increase per year which is a bit of a joke considering the state of the property when we took it as it was hubby who sorted the whole lot out.
Anyway, fast forward to now.
2 children aged 4 and 2 and mother has been quite unwell recently after suffering a minor stroke but she is now recovered.
Brother offers no support and sees her about once a month if that even though he lives up the road.
I've always worried about renting privately as find it so unstable for the kids and low and behold we have been offered a 3 bedroomed house in Reigate from a local housing association on a " market rent " scheme due to one becoming available and my husband works in the area in a government job so he comes high on the list.
The rent is a bit higher than here but is set rent and contract is renewed every 5 years as long as no breaches so security is obviously there.
My mum is in bits, she doesn't drive and still works Monday - Friday so realistically it will become once a week and sometimes less if the kids have bits on and all the travelling is going to fall on me :-(
I will miss my mum terribly but my husband says I need to think of the children who need a home not a shell that they keep moving from.
What would you do?
All opinions gratefully received x

OP posts:
pinkie1982 · 24/08/2016 13:32

Definitely move.
Don't pass up this opportunity for your children.
It is much more secure tenancy-wise. You don't know what is around the corner for your landlord, they could have a catastrophe whereby they need to sell the house. Anything could happen...tomorrow!

Your mum will learn to live with it.

CremeEggThief · 24/08/2016 13:37

Another vote for move. The security of a social tenancy far outweighs private renting, speaking from personal experience.

buntingbingo · 24/08/2016 13:42

Reigate is beautiful and has great schools, It's a fab place to raise children. And isn't far from Littlehampton at all. You would be crazy to turn it down.
Your mum should be more supportive. Say yes.... today!

Amythest001 · 24/08/2016 13:43

Definitely move! I am moving an hour and half away this weekend and the guilt trip I have been put on is unreal so I get where you are coming from.
I've been avoiding mine all week as I can't bear the tears and hand wringing over me taking her grandchildren away from her as that's all she has in life Confused

Amelie10 · 24/08/2016 13:45

Definitely move. Your mum is being very selfish. I also don't understand the idea of people putting their parents before their kids and husband. Your mother has had her family life, you need to do what's best for yours.

expatinscotland · 24/08/2016 13:48

Start packing. Your mother is being very selfish. You need to put your family first. Tell her that. It's Reigate not fucking Reykvik. She can move if it means so much to her. You'd be mad not to take that house.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 24/08/2016 13:54

When my kids grow up I would be secretly absolutely delighted if they only lived an hours drive away. That's closer than dh and I have ever lived to any of parents.

But I would fully accept them living wherever they want to! I'm quite angry about this on your behalf op!

CotswoldStrife · 24/08/2016 13:55

The HA property sounds like a no-brainer really - the security would be lovely. Does your mum do a lot of babysitting as you'll miss that when you move away, but an hour is not too far really. She (your mum) obviously never moved away from her mum so it's a lot for her to get her head round.

But you do have to put your own family first.

Hidingtonothing · 24/08/2016 14:04

Take the house OP, we were so lucky to get our HA property and they would have to pry me out of it with a crowbar now, the security of a HA house is priceless if, like us, you have no little chance of ever being able to buy your own home. I agree with PP's too, your DM should be encouraging you to do what's best for you and her GC not guilt tripping you about the effect on her, that really is very selfish of her. It's interesting that you are considering and worrying about the implications for her of you moving a little further away but she doesn't seem to be thinking about the insecurity of private renting indefinitely for you and your family Hmm

kimann · 24/08/2016 14:07

Grab the opportunity - it's only an hour-ish away. My parents and elderly grandma live in a different continent are are 13 hours away by plane! I would kill for a travelling time of 1 hour to see them if I had that opportunity. Flowers X

septembersunshine · 24/08/2016 14:23

Move. There is no other choice. We privately rented for about 15 years. We got lucky and won the bidding (we were number 15 in line!) on a council house. Moved in January this year. The house as transformed out lives. From utter instability and worry (not to mention the landlord was putting the rent up by £200!) to being in a secure family home that feels 'ours'. I can't tell you how much happier we all are in every single way.

Please put your children first and give them security. You are not moving cross country. Your mum will get used to it. This may literally be the only opportunity you get to live in a HA house. DO IT!

Oliversmumsarmy · 24/08/2016 14:24

Just because your dm has not moved for 20 years doesn't mean she is secure. The landlord might decide to cash in and invest in another opportunity. (Know one landlord who sold 250 properties in one go to invest in another business)

Your dm needs to understand that having her family around for all this time was fortunate but times change and people move and to deny you this opportunity for a settled family home is just plain selfish.

Ragwort · 24/08/2016 14:28

How old is your mother? She sounds incredibly needy .......... perhaps you need to encourage her to find her own interests and friends - she shouldn't be relying on you and your children for so much emotional support.

user1470997562 · 24/08/2016 14:29

I'd move. I don't normal advocate moving away from family - it makes life harder with dc generally - but this offers your dc a permanent home and more stability.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 24/08/2016 14:37

Move. We live in remote West Wales and parents are 4 hours away in different directions. They are all retired and none of them are 'in bits'. Your DM sounds rather selfish to try and dissuade you from what is clearly a great opportunity for your family. Grab the chance while you can!!

imwithspud · 24/08/2016 14:44

Take the place, like others have said its not far from where you live now. Your mum will learn how to cope, it sounds like she mainly wants you to stay for her own selfish reasons. You need to put those aside to do what's best for you and your dc.

NerrSnerr · 24/08/2016 14:48

An hour away is nothing. You need to what's best for you and your family. She surely didn't expect that her whole family would stay living in the same town forever?

Stormtreader · 24/08/2016 15:11

Go for the HA house, no question. Theres always the option to move again if you find you really dont like it, but I suspect that wont be the case :)

NotMyMoney · 24/08/2016 15:38

Talk about moving to Australia

Original poster
Worriedwoe · 24/08/2016 16:21

The only issue I have is this a new scheme housing trusts are doing, so it's a 5 year tenancy.
It should be renewed at the end but there is a possibility the scheme will not prove successful and we could end up back in square 1, in an area that we physically can't afford to rent privately in and away from my mum :(

OP posts:
CremeEggThief · 24/08/2016 16:43

You'll still be a low income family with young children in 5 years, so unless you behave awfully, you're very unlikely to be evictee. Even if you were, surely 5 years security is better than 12 months maximum private tenancy offers.

CaspoFungin · 24/08/2016 17:09

Everyone is telling you to take it but you are still trying to find excuses not to! If you don't want to move then don't but I think you would be mad not to.

AndNowItsSeven · 24/08/2016 17:12

Move one hundred percent, your mum would be incredibly selfish to put herself before her grandchildren's security.

5Foot5 · 24/08/2016 17:14

in an area that we physically can't afford to rent privately in and away from my mum

I am beginning to think the problem here might be you OP, not your Mum. People keep telling you it is a no-brainer, take the HA offer and yet you seem to be looking for excuses not to move away from her. You have to cut the apron strings sometime OP. You are all grown up now.

Foslady · 24/08/2016 17:58

If the scheme isn't successful they're hardly likely to kick you out, they're more likely to put you on an assured tenancy, surely?