to move away from family to get out of privately renting? Really confused :-(

[Worriedwoe]

Thanks for reading and will try and keep this as short as poss!
We currently live in littlehampton near my mum.
My brother also lives nearby in a village and my elderly nan lives here too so all close family are here.
We have been privately renting for 12 years and have moved 6 times until this last " long term let " where we have been here 3 years and no major issues apart from a £25 year increase per year which is a bit of a joke considering the state of the property when we took it as it was hubby who sorted the whole lot out.
Anyway, fast forward to now.
2 children aged 4 and 2 and mother has been quite unwell recently after suffering a minor stroke but she is now recovered.
Brother offers no support and sees her about once a month if that even though he lives up the road.
I've always worried about renting privately as find it so unstable for the kids and low and behold we have been offered a 3 bedroomed house in Reigate from a local housing association on a " market rent " scheme due to one becoming available and my husband works in the area in a government job so he comes high on the list.
The rent is a bit higher than here but is set rent and contract is renewed every 5 years as long as no breaches so security is obviously there.
My mum is in bits, she doesn't drive and still works Monday - Friday so realistically it will become once a week and sometimes less if the kids have bits on and all the travelling is going to fall on me :-(
I will miss my mum terribly but my husband says I need to think of the children who need a home not a shell that they keep moving from.
What would you do?
All opinions gratefully received x

You are only a short drive from your mother and the seaside. And I don't think Reigate is exactly known for its high crime rates! Don't let your mother make this decision for you. You are a grown woman with your own family and you need to do what is best for them.

Please take the opportunity. You are NOT being selfish if you do, whatever anyone in your family might say or imply. You know that your mum is doing all she can to keep you in her pocket, but it is not fair to your children, and you know that too. Of course, we always have obligations to our mothers, but once our own children are here its the children that have to come first, that's the natural way of things, and the children will be in a better place for lots more opportunities in the future if you are able to make that move. And HA tenancies don't turn up every day, do they - does your mum realise that? The children can have many weekends and holidays with granny and cousins at the seaside, and that will make the seaside more of a special place in their childhood memories. And Littlehampton is not exactly crime free, is it? Your mum has to be understanding of whats best for your future now, she will get used to the change, she really will... by the way, where did your mum grow up herself? did she ever move away from there as an adult?

Take the house. I have been in private rent with school age children trust me it becomes a nightmare trying to find something with easy access to schools. I ended up moving 125 miles to get home security to a much cheaper area where house prices were very low. My parents ended up following a few years.ater and let be in a village 4 miles away now.
You will regret this if you don't. Next time you have to move and find something affordable near the school. Or when the landlord puts the rent up so high it becomes ridiculous to pay it since you have said he is consistently doing this annually anyway.
It's really not fair on your mum to put this much guilt on you. And there are thousand of children that don't grow up at the seaside and do just fine. You need to do what's best for your own little family and the security of an HA house will be the best. You are an adult now with your own dc while your ,other may be upset she is also an adult and not your responsibility.

With all respect OP, your mum is having a very selfish reaction. If this is right for you, your husband & kids you should go for it. I am in a HA property myself and when it came along I was over the moon.

Sorry to be harsh but your mum is an adult, she works full time for crying out loud, I fail to see why she requires help at all. Her reaction is rather selfish and rather than upsetting me, if my mum reacted this way when I moved 100 miles away, I would have been more annoyed.

Your priority is your dh and dc, your stability is more important than her neediness I'm afraid.

All landlords say no plans to sell want a long tenancy etc. They would be daft not to. Is your Landlord offering a fixed price rent for 5 years with an option to re sign after that? No. All the posters have said move, take the opportunity but having read your second post, you are coming across as the reluctant one.

Like others have said, it's an hour away. When the children get a little older there is nothing to stop you going over to your mums for dinner straight after school. Your mum can get a bus to you , she may have to change etc. She will cope and she will manage.

And by the way, Littlehampton is like anywhere else, it is not crime free, my brother has had his car broken into and the guy opposite my mum had all the tools stolen from his van.

Go with the HA property. You will have more secure tenure which will allow you to plan for things like the DCs schools without having to worry about moving. You may later have a chance to go down the shared ownership route and buy a place (if that is something that would interest you).

No, it's not necessarily better for the children to live near the seaside. It's lovely for them to visit it, but they don't have to live there.

If you can drive, you can pop down there at the weekend- easily doable for the day. She works five days a week. The only difference really will be the popping in sometimes.

You'll have a better quality of life for your family if you move. Your mum will get over it and there are phones, Skype, social media. It's not like you'll be out of contact.

Your landlord might assure you it's longterm OP but the SECOND something in his or her life goes wrong and they need cash...you'll be out with 2 months notice/

You have to consider what's best long term for your children. And a secure house is it.

Go for the ha place. Mummy is a grown up and cope.

Even a landlord who wants to rent out a place long term can be forced to change his mind - financial change, illness, death or law changes.

You can get round that with a very long tenancy, but in your circumstances - why?

Your mother's points are all seeming to benefit her. Sad that she cannot make a decision based on you and your kids lives. Quite selfish really.

By the way, what kind of housing does your mum live in at the mo? Owned? rented? If she rents, is it a private rental, with all the possibilities of upheavals every so often that you have had to cope with in such a tenancy since you too have been a mum? If not, is your mum prepared to have you and her dear grandchildren put up with a worse housing situation than she has got for herself just so that she can have you all on tap, as it were?
I am sorry it sounds as if we are having a go at your mum, and I am sure she is lovely and kind and you will miss each other a lot if you move away from Littlehampton, even though it's not very far - but you are a mum as well, with your own family to put first, and I'm sure your mum appreciates this in her heart of hearts, and realises that she has to let you go. By the way, what does your nan think about all this?

Move. You need a secure tenancy. Reigate is lovely (I worked there for 2 years) As others' said, your mother will adapt and your brother needs to step up. You'd be crazy to bypass this opportunity.

All the best

I would have to agree with most people and say take this opportunity. I am very close to my mum and used to live 10mins away, we were in rented too but had an opportunity to buy a house 45 mins away. We only had 2 kids at the time but the 3rd is due any day now and I do not regret it at all. My kids have stability, space and a great future ahead. Mum drives and comes to see us at weekends sometimes friday-sunday or we go to her. We make more of an effort when we do see each other and she enjoys exploring our new area. Long term it's really best for your children.

My mum is in private rented accomodation too but luckily has never moved in 20 years as she is with an investor landlord who owns 60 properties on this area

Move for sure!

Your mum needs to buck up and butt out I'm afraid. I'm not saying it won't be hard for her to adjust, it will, but she is expecting you to put your lives second to her wants.

Please listen to what everyone is telling you and don't pass up this opportunity for stability for your family.

Not one single person has said "don't go, stay near your mum".

If you miss this chance, won't you feel resentful every time you have to move? If your mother is working full time she is well occupied during the week, and she''ll see you at weekends anyway. She'll get used to not seeing your children every day. She is being very selfish if she is putting her own perceived needs above the long-term well-being of her daughter and grandchildren. It's not as if you are emigrating!

So many people live hundreds or even thousands of miles from their families, I honestly don't understand the big deal about moving just an hour away.

Remember - Even a landlord who wants to rent out a place long term can be forced to change his mind - financial change, illness, death or law changes.

My mum is in private rented accomodation too but luckily has never moved in 20 years as she is with an investor landlord who owns 60 properties on this area

So your mum has been lucky so far with her tenancy, (though there is always a possibility any private landlord, even an investor one, might have to capitalise on their assets and let tenants go one day...) but she does not see that you need rental security too? She should be just a little bit ashamed of that really, and i say that as a gran. I am sure that she only wants the very best for her her dgcs, though, and when she has thought about it all a bit more she will come round...

Staying where you are has already cost you a lot of money (in rent, in fees, in moving costs, in instability), and aggro. In accepting this offer, your money and efforts will immediately start to go further. If you were to stay in Littlehampton, you would either be paying out more for the same quality of life, or see your quality of life fall in real terms (compared to what you could have had with a HA tenancy). Your mother should NOT ask you and your family to subsidise her at such a cost to you!

Once the kids start at school with clubs and homework etc, she's unlikely to see them several times a week anyway.

A stable home as your kids are starting school is a great thing for your family. You've spent a fortune on moves over the years I'll bet.

You're not resposible for your mothers happiness.

Move to the HA property. Once in you can usually do a house swap with someone else in HA property- it needn't be in the same borough or district (or so I understand),that way you get the best of both worlds.

But definitely grab this opportunity with both hands. What's the worst that could happen? You find you don't like living in Reigate, so move back or swap to be nearer (as mentioned above)

Schools on the coast do surprisingly badly, I think your children will benefit long term from being in a more mixed environment. The lack of aspiration in coastal towns leads to under achievement.