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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to do physical harm ...

248 replies

ZenMom · 23/08/2016 22:55

Ok so in the queue at morrisons. Get to the end and realise oh shit I've left my bank card at home as had taken it out my phone case to order something and forgot to put it back in.

No harm, have another with me for my savings account so very nicely apologise to the cashier and explain I'm just going to do a quick bank transfer as left card at home.

Seemed pretty reasonable to me and wouldn't take but a moment.

Woman behind me starts tutting and tapping her foot. It's literally been seconds.

I turned and apologised for the two minute delay and she actually scowled and tutted again.

I said, in a moderate tone, we've all done it or something like it I suppose.

She replied - well no not me, I never go into a shop without being able to pay for my purchases.

Flabbergasted at that point and say - well I wish I were as perfect as you. And turned away.

Woman serving me says, to me, there's no need for that attitude.

So now I am not just mildly irritated by the sanctimonious wifey behind me but really wanting to bitch slap the woman serving me.

I asked her if she had actually heard the convo before what I said. She said yes and the woman hadn't deserved it - it wasn't her causing the delay after all.

I must add that by this point the transaction on my phone was long done and I had been ready to pay.

Yes I realise I made an error in the card but hell, kids, work, life, human error - when a) did people lose all tolerance and b) since when is it ok for a cashier (or any employee where you are the customer) to jump in on a conversation and side with one person.

I did go to the supervisor who had witnessed it and she smiled and said she knew I would be coming over and had heard to and agreed the cashier shouldn't have butted in. Then I'm thinking - if she bloody heard it why let me be out through the awkwardness.

Mystified :(

Where it goes I have no idea but I'm left feeling very angry and as if human error is no longer tolerated --and really really wanting to do physical harm to another person.

I don't think my feelings are unreasonable - no I'm a grown up and wouldn't act on my impulse to violence - maybe some will say I'm letting it get to me lol but my god I needed a rant.

AngryAngryAngry

OP posts:
Evilstepmum01 · 24/08/2016 14:35

A site full of woman?

You're right, I deserved it.

Evilstepmum01 · 24/08/2016 14:39

Nicki

i've been a lurker for a while and some of the comments are hurtful and unnecessarily cruel. (not accusation, my experience and opinion)

Surprised as mumsnet I thought was all about mums and people talking and supporting each other.

If you havent anything nice to say, dont say anything.

NickiFury · 24/08/2016 14:44

If you havent anything nice to say, dont say anything.

Is that aimed at me? I was agreeing with you Smile

ZenMom · 24/08/2016 14:46

I read that evil was agreeing with you agreeing with her lol

OP posts:
Evilstepmum01 · 24/08/2016 14:46

hahaha! yes I was agreeing with you totally!!! :)

NickiFury · 24/08/2016 14:49

Phew!

You just never know on here Wink

ThoraGruntwhistle · 24/08/2016 14:57

After the woman was rude when you'd already apologised for the extremely short delay, I would have ignored anything further comments and huffing from her. And when the checkout person was also rude, I would have left all the shopping on the conveyor belt to them to deal with and gone to a different supermarket.

usual · 24/08/2016 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZenMom · 24/08/2016 15:24

I don't think anyone is saying everyone needs to be nice (although I don't see why people would choose not to) but there is a tendency to jump in with insults and derogatory comments on here - this and many other posts in here. I don't honestly see the need for it. Not sure what motivates some people to be cruel.

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 24/08/2016 15:27

Cruel is a little strong, don't you think? Plus personal attacks generally get deleted even if they are posted.

Most people are arseholes most of the time - MN is just a reflection of that.

ZenMom · 24/08/2016 15:28

Not not strong at all. Fact based on my personal experience and also what I've seen elsewhere. Cruel is my nice word for it. Not sure of the motivations behind some comments to be honest.

OP posts:
coolandcalm · 24/08/2016 15:38

Just because someone starts a thread in AIBU doesn't mean they have to agree with all the replies.
Damn right, especially when the replies are ill thought out and unreasonable.

EttaJ · 24/08/2016 16:32

This is still going?! Zen I think you are getting more of a hard time than you deserve and actually you're not coming across as obnoxious after a few more posts. People have done MUCH worse. Sorry if I upset you with my contribution 💐

ZenMom · 24/08/2016 16:40

Awe etta thanks :) no you didn't upset me don't worry. Big girl pants on lol.

I think everyone's writing style is different - I was a legal secretary for years and I'm told it still comes across when I type.

I think I was just taken aback at the start - so maybe came over like that - I didn't expect everyone to agree, not at all but some didn't seem to read the post or further posts before commenting or just focus on one tiny flippant comment etc.

The worlds not ending and enough have sympathised that I do feel as if my rant was worthwhile and done its job for me at least :)

OP posts:
Unicornsarelovely · 24/08/2016 16:42

I don't think you were particularly out of order for transferring the money, although I would have been a little impatient if i were behind you in the queue because I bank with HSBC and it takes best part of a day to transfer money using their ridiculous app.

I do think you should look at your reaction though. Its perfectly fine to be pissed off and irritated but however venting and tongue in cheek you make it, it really isn't okay or a proportionate reaction to want to bitch slap someone for being a bit sarky to you. Perhaps you need to work on your inner peace.

n0ne · 24/08/2016 16:51

I'm with you, OP. This exact same thing has happened to me - it was the end of the month, I tried to pay for shopping but card declined cos account was empty. I transferred the money from my savings into my current account on the app on my phone which literally takes 10 secs, then I paid and went on my way. It takes a damn sight longer when people wait til all their shopping's been rung through before they start digging for their wallet, counting out exact change etc that plenty of other people do.

bbcessex · 24/08/2016 16:59

OP
in my opinion you were fine. I have the Lloyds app too and can confirm it's one of the most efficient ever and you can transact in seconds.

Woman shopper was annoying and cashier would have wound me up too.

ZenMom · 24/08/2016 17:03

it really isn't okay or a proportionate reaction to want to bitch slap someone for being a bit sarky to you.

Who determines what it's okay for me to feel inside? - as long as I don't act on the thoughts - that one genuinely confused me.

Proportionate reaction - no probably not but I'm not perfect hold my hands up to that one, even although it was tongue in cheek.

OP posts:
ZenMom · 24/08/2016 17:03

Sorry not yet worked out the mn app for quoting :) that was a quote then a question.

OP posts:
MrsSecker · 24/08/2016 17:04

I don't think you were rude or unreasonable at all. The woman behind you was rude and did deserve a bitch slap! As did the cashier! It takes less than 60 seconds to use a banking app and you apologised. I'd have been raging too!

WindInThePussyWillows · 24/08/2016 17:15

YABU for a number of things
Mainly, complaining about someone having an attitude and being aggressive and then posting about your desire to cause someone physical pain through violence Hmm

coolandcalm · 24/08/2016 17:42

I don't think the OP meant it literally though about the physical violence. It's just something you'd say but not really mean surely.

NickiFury · 24/08/2016 17:44

Well you'd think that was obvious wouldn't you calm but many posters can't don't want to get that.

ZenMom · 24/08/2016 17:59

Absolutely calm I've said a few times now it was completely tongue in cheek - I'd never do or condone violence to any person. I took that as read thinking people would know that someone wouldn't come on a public forum and announce the intention to violence lol. It was more an expression of my lent up fury of being made feel very small, have it implied I was unable to pay for groceries (as opposed to human error) and the cashiers input.

I suppose it's like what's happened here - I've said my piece and explained (a few times) but people still mis read and think the violence was something other than a way to express (tongue in cheek) and in the queue the woman was apologised to and told it would literally be seconds but chose to imply that I was unable to pay for my groceries instead.

I think some people seem to want to take things the wrong way - I can't begin to imagine why - I just wanted to vent and if a few people agreed with me that would make me happy - some did and vent worked for me :)

OP posts:
Kangamum · 24/08/2016 18:09

I don't think ywbu! I've done this at the checkout twice when I've stupidly forgotten to put my card back in my purse,and nobody has even noticed! Apart from I looked rude on my phone at the checkout possibly. And I've just checked on my banking app and it takes me 30 seconds to transfer money.
I'd have said something to the tutter aswell to be honest. Its not a race, moany pants can wait less than a min for payment fgs.

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