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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say no the more he asks?

167 replies

MrsFarm · 23/08/2016 10:51

DH wants sex all.the.time. Every day he asks "can we do it tonight" - he works alot and I am always trying to get him to spend time with me and the DC, when he does take time off and we go out for a few hours, he sees this as browning points and asks will he be "rewarded" - he says it in a jokey manner but I know he really does expect it. The more he asks, the more pressure I feel under to perform and the more I can't even kiss him, as I feel he just wants a snog, which he hopes will turn into more. At the moment now he is at his horniest which is making him ask me on a daily basis for a kiss/snog etc...it so annoying! I love him, but when he gets like this I can't even be near him, as I know he will pull me in for a big sloppy one....

OP posts:
Dadstheworld · 23/08/2016 12:41

Apologies for my post, I pressed enter by mistake and it was incomplete

expatinscotland · 23/08/2016 12:41

face, he sees spending time with his family as something that needs to be rewarded with sex and you don't get it?

whatever, Dr Who called, he's taking you back to the 1950s in the Tardis.

SpookyPotato · 23/08/2016 12:41

Are some posters not reading that it is CONSTANT and the OP has plenty of sex with him already? There is a huge difference between a bit of sexual attention and pawing at her all day.

facepalming · 23/08/2016 12:43

I don't think OP said he sulks when she says no, but when she complains about his pestering in general.

If he is sulking when she says no then of course that's unreasonable! but I can understand a few hurt feelings his side if he thinks he is being affectionate and she is complaining he is a sex pest (even if there is truth there he might need some time to see her side)

It sounds like there are some conversations to be had for sure to get on the same page, sch3duling sounds a good suggestion - not romantic but it might help in the short term!

I do think though there is a difference between mismatched libido and a sex pest...(dons tin hat..)!

expatinscotland · 23/08/2016 12:44

'The other night he woke me three times during the night by groping me, he said he has no recollection of it - it just comes so naturally to him now.'

I'd start sleeping elsewhere. Like Bored, I once had a boyfriend like this and my skin crawls just thinking about him.

Original poster
MrsFarm · 23/08/2016 12:44

The amount of sex has altered since we first started seeing eachother 10 years ago of course! we have 2 small children and are up VERY early with them, we both work hard and are not getting any younger!!

I would never leave him over this - I love him very much and I was only asking for advice as to how to broach the subject and if i was BU to keep saying no the more and more he pesters me as the constant teenage groping was really turning me off.
He touches my breasts EVERY chance he gets.

OP posts:
facepalming · 23/08/2016 12:45

OK the night groping is a bit disturbing!

ABloodyDifficultWoman · 23/08/2016 12:46

Shock at a couple of posts on this thread. Ok, one can be discounted because it's an obvious hairy-hand but facepalm - seriously? Let me get this straight then? If your DP/DH was at you at any time of day or night simply because he was horny - even if you didn't feel like it - that would be ok would it? Because obviously it's just that he finds you attractive? I can't get my head round anyone thinking that's ok Hmm Pestering/sulking for and about sex is the singlemost least attractive trait I can think of in a man - gives me the boak just thinking about it.

ABloodyDifficultWoman · 23/08/2016 12:47

Bugger me dead - this

Isn't sex at least an implied part of the social contract between a couple

I must live on a different fucking planet - who thinks like this?

TheSparrowhawk · 23/08/2016 12:48

Dad - have you read the thread?

Your post implies that because it's part of the 'social contract' the OP should fulfill her obligations - is that what you believe?

facepalming · 23/08/2016 12:50

abloodydifficultwoman it would be fine with me yes - because I would say no if I wasn't interested and that would be the end of it!

ABloodyDifficultWoman · 23/08/2016 12:53

And how many times a day/night would you say no face before you got pissed off with it? Just because you're not in this situation doesn't mean that you can't empathise with the OP does it? Use your imagination? Her situation is not yours.

Mojito7 · 23/08/2016 12:55

OP - as someone said above, it does sound like you're getting into a vicious circle with this. I think you need to tell him straight - that following you around like a teenage goon on heat is a total turn off for you and perhaps this is one of those situations where less will almost certainly lead to more. He needs to act like a man and grasp that sex is a two-way street - if not it's called wanking.

Having said this some men are just not very good at reading their partner's body language. They feel increasingly rejected when they are then turned down because of this. My husband can kiss me or give me a certain look and he'll know by the way I respond whether I'm in the mood. Equally I know if he's in the mood just by his general vibe - he doesn't need to tell me.

And what on earth has the amount of time he spends with his family got to do with sex? Very odd connection he is making there. As I say, I think you need to sit him down and be very clear about how his behaviour is making you feel. I'm sure he loves you very much, he just needs to work on his emotional intelligence and step back and think.

Dadstheworld · 23/08/2016 12:56

Abloody -What did you think I wrote? My DP always expected we had children, How do you expect that to happen?

I also did state that my message was cut short. If his expectations cannot be altered so he behaves in way to the liking of the OP, Then it seems they are incompatible, But it can't be all his fault, If up until they have seemed compatible

Zame · 23/08/2016 12:56

Urgh, sex as a kind of 'contract', vom.

facepalming · 23/08/2016 12:57

abdw not sure why you are making assumptions about OPS situation or mine but clearly you are looking for anew argument and you won't get it from me I'm afraid

kaitlinktm · 23/08/2016 12:58

This enrages me and makes me feel a bit bilious:

He touches my breasts EVERY chance he gets

FFS - I would feel like slapping him! I would bet too that if you did agree and dtd with him there would be no further "affection" - no cuddling up on the sofa etc until he wanted to go again. I used to find this so lonely and depressing.

Zame · 23/08/2016 12:59

Would your husband have some kind of counselling so he can be shown how this is affecting you? Being groped and coerced into sex all the time is just so off putting and will ensure that mutually satisfying sex never happens again. I'm sure he's not a bad guy, he should try to understand how this makes you feel

molyholy · 23/08/2016 13:04

You have to sleep with your knees up facing him, to try and ward off any night groping. He is constantly groping you and puts his hand up your top.

Urgh. Vile. He needs to grow the fuck up.

He is literally using your body.

JessicaEccles · 23/08/2016 13:05

'But it can't be all his fault, If up until they have seemed compatible'

Jesus. Do people really have no conceot of CONSENT???? Angry. If she consented to have sex with him in the past (presumably when he wasn't being gropy and needy)- it doesn't mean from now on she has to do it every time he demands, or whines...

facepalming · 23/08/2016 13:07

OP do you feel like he is being a sex pest?

Is he mean to you when you say no? Does he accept it when you say no?

If he is as bad as the replies here suggest it seems you may need some help but I didn't get that impression from your OP

Dadstheworld · 23/08/2016 13:09

Why are you presuming it is his behavior that has changed?

Of course he requires consent, But this seems like how he initiates it. Perhaps the hard of thinking should read what I write,

ArmySal · 23/08/2016 13:09

Read her subsequent posts then, face.

IPokeBadgers · 23/08/2016 13:11

Slightly off topic, but I thought this thread was going to be about a toddler or very young child who was engaging in a pester to get his own way! The fact that it is about a grown man is a bit sad.

Agree with a lot of the responses on the thread: I think I would have the same reaction as you OP.....would not appreciate that behaviour from my other half at all.

BastardGoDarkly · 23/08/2016 13:11

There have been a few of these threads lately, and they clearly show the tipping balance of MN.

Op, I couldn't live with him, I hope you find a way through Flowers

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