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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being precious over room sharing ?

159 replies

AgeofAdaline · 22/08/2016 12:35

Name changed as this is very identifying.

I have 2 boys, DS1 is 12 and DS2 is 8. DS2 is autistic, he has a lot of sensory issues, his room is very much his safe/comfort zone.

Everything is colour coded or alphabetised, each toy has a day to be played with, if it's not the day then it can't be touched. He has a set routine when he enters the room or wakes up, things have to be done in order, blanket completely rolled off, then curtains pulled back etc

We have a four bedroom house, although the fourth room is pretty tiny, all it can really fit is a bed and a desk and small wardrobe, we use it as a guest room.

DSis' house is being fumigated because of bed bugs. Exterminators have said that it may take a month.

Her, BIL and their 4 DC, 3, 7, 13 and 15 years old have been staying with us for the past week as they can't afford a hotel and no other family members live close enough to BIL's work and the kids school once they open up again.

We're happy to have them as they would do the same for us, we moved DS1 into the guest bedroom, DH and I then moved into DS1's room leaving DSis and her family to share the biggest room in the house.

But 6 people in one bedroom is proving to be too much, oldest DNephew, the 15 year old has taken to sleeping in the living room.

DSis has asked numerous times, if I can put DS1 in DS2's room freeing up a bed for her eldest or for one of the other children who are currently sleeping on camp beds/mattresses.

I've said no, DS2 is already struggling to cope with so many people in the house, his routine has been massively disrupted, the amount of tears I've had this week has been exhausting, the weather hasn't helped as it's meant everyone has stayed indoors.

She asked again this morning when DS2 woke up at 7am, went down into the living room and started playing with his toy trains, as he's done every Monday throughout the holidays but it woke up DNephew who spent all morning complaining.

DSis then said I was being precious over the room situation. Which I don't think I am, she just doesn't understand how much DS2 struggles.

OP posts:
mypropertea · 22/08/2016 19:30

Your a saint. I wouldn't have her as she could bring bed bugs.

Cel982 · 22/08/2016 22:27

I really don't think she deserves the slating she's getting here

I don't know what thread you're reading but this awful woman is getting off easy.

Ahem.

She made a request and was appropriately refused. Then she made it again, which she shouldn't have, but given the general upset and stress to her whole family it's not difficult to understand. Sure, she's being a bit selfish, and I'm sympathetic to the OP, but this level of hysteria is completely unwarranted and wouldn't actually happen in real life.

Merrymumoftwo · 23/08/2016 06:08

Think the problem is that some of us find it difficult to believe it takes as month to clear this infestation as all pest control sites I looked at said two days at most and some treatments can be done without moving out or in the case of non serious infestations by home owners themselves.
Her sister knows that her son has autism and what all this would do to him but asked more than once anyway and that was unreasonable. She also did so in a way that was impolite. If her son is suffering so much be truthful about the real situation because I'm sorry but stating a month makes me think there is a lot she is not telling and it is pest control I would be on to not nagging my sister to give up half her house if I am staying free.

JacquettaWoodville · 23/08/2016 06:38

YANBU.

And it's hardly unreasonable to want to use the lounge at 7am. Yes, a 15 year old would prefer a lie in during the holidays, but the family must get up around then for school.

Have they looked at an airbnb? Cheaper than hotel rooms for all.

OnGoldenPond · 23/08/2016 07:10

OP, just because your DSIS's insurers tell her she is not covered for alternative cover doesn't mean it is true. Has she carefully reviewed her detailed policy document, whatever it states is the legal contract she has with them. This is not the short summary booklet sent out with renewals, the full policy document can be supplied by the insurer on request or can often be downloaded from their website.

We had to move out of house for about two months after a fire. I had all kinds of problems with insurers trying to wriggle out of paying for all kinds. I had to resort to writing a series of long letters quoting directly from the policy document to force them to give us what we were entitled to. With accommodation they tried to say we could only have £50 a night to accommodate a family of four but the policy stated we were entitled to accommodation equivalent to the insured property, ie a four bedroom house.

If they have legal expenses cover with the policy they can actually use it to take action against the insurer over this as the solicitors are independent of the insurers.

ButtonBoo · 23/08/2016 07:18

We had bed bugs a few years ago. Absolute nightmare and it turned our world upside down for a few weeks but we were told we HAD to stay in the house. Bed bugs are attracted at out night by the carbon dioxide you breathe out when you sleep so in order for them to come out of their hiding places and crawl on the dust sprayed around, you need to sleep in all the rooms. So whilst it was upheaval e.g. Unloading cupboards and wardrobes etc so these can be sprayed (bed bugs live in wood, not just bed frames!) we didn't have to move out. We had three sprays, first, one a week later and one the week after that. Saw the last bug after the second spray. Not sure moving in with you is the best idea and yes, there is certainly a high risk of transferring them to you. They can hide in clothes, bags, toys. Most peoples reaction is to up and leave for a few weeks but I was told that really doesn't help get rid of them and massively risks the place they go on to.

And as a PP said they are really resilient. The guy that came to spray our house had one said he kept one in a jam jar for nearly eight months. Unscrewed the lid and breathed into the jar and within 30 seconds or was up and running about.

Please research...

ButtonBoo · 23/08/2016 07:25

Bad grammar...sorry!!

Becky546 · 23/08/2016 07:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cexuwaleozbu · 23/08/2016 07:46

Yanbu at all - it us totally inappropriate for her to be complaining that you aren't able to disrupt your lives further to give more than you already have.

I am really concerned about the details which several pp have now explained about how it is counterproductive and creating a danger that the fumigation won't work that they have move out. At least some of them need to move back home ASAP, today if possible, to provide the living carbon-dioxide-producing presence without which these basted bugs are not going to die.

WinterIsHereJon · 23/08/2016 07:46

I'm going to go against the grain and say neither of you are BU. You were very generous to have her/swap rooms etc but it must be difficult to have six in one room when you all still effectively have a room each. Could your DS top and tail with hers in the smallest room? Could you stop ds2 disturbing DN so early in the morning? Obviously the tent is a great idea too. None of this is ideal but I think you all (dsis included) need to suck it up as its one of those things you do for family. She probably feels guilty about the disruption to her DCs and may not fully appreciate how it would affect your DS.

expatinscotland · 23/08/2016 08:00

'You were very generous to have her/swap rooms etc but it must be difficult to have six in one room when you all still effectively have a room each.'

Then the sister needs to come up with other idea that don't further inconvenience the OP's family because this is not 'one of those things you do for family' when the OP's family includes a child with such special needs.

LOL at stopping an autistic child from disturbing so early in the morning. 7am is late for my son who has autism.

No one sleeps well topping and tailing.

GoldFishFingerz · 23/08/2016 08:03

Your eldest should sleep on the floor in your room, freeing up the small bedroom for your nephew

WinterIsHereJon · 23/08/2016 08:03

No one sleeps well six to a room either. Why isn't it something you do for family? I wasn't suggesting she move her boys in together Hmm

GoldFishFingerz · 23/08/2016 08:06

Alternatively Sil should pay for her eldest to stay with friends

She can't expect a very autistic child to acomodate

GoldFishFingerz · 23/08/2016 08:08

Also her teen should go to sleep earlier and wake at 7

Wanderingraspberry · 23/08/2016 08:12

Yanbu. Her oldest will have to suck it up. Sleeping on a sofa for a month won't kill him. Does he not have friends he can go to at the weekends for a break from it?

expatinscotland · 23/08/2016 08:14

'No one sleeps well six to a room either. Why isn't it something you do for family? I wasn't suggesting she move her boys in together hmm'

Because there are 6 of them and plenty of people don't have the room at all, for such a large family on top of their own. The OP has already vacated a room to accommodate her family and it's hardly her fault 6 people don't sleep well in one room. Having a child with autism makes the family dynamics different. Her son is already struggling with the addition of so many people. My son can take 2 hour meltdowns over a sudden change in plans, I can only imagine how this OP's son is faring with this upheaval.

bleedingnora · 23/08/2016 08:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JacquettaWoodville · 23/08/2016 08:16

"Your eldest should sleep on the floor in your room, freeing up the small bedroom for your nephew"

OP has said she's trying to get a camp bed for her room. However, it's the nephew who has decided to move out of the large bedroom into the lounge (understandable) - part of that is accepting you will be woken up when the first person gets up, which at 7am is very reasonable.

JacquettaWoodville · 23/08/2016 08:18

I suppose another alternative is that OP's eldest sleeps on the sofa, but only if he's happy to do so. He might be happy to wake at 7am.

Ultimately, OP is doing her sister a favour and she gets to decide what disruption her family can stomach.

MrsBobDylan · 23/08/2016 08:19

When my parents were 'between houses' I was 13 and my sister was 15 and we went to stay with a friend's parents while my parents stayed somewhere else. This went on for a couple of months and we saw my parents at weekends. The 15 year old could surely do that?

Owlytellsmesecrets · 23/08/2016 08:20

Mum of a severely autistic boy here... Nope ... Stay in my house the you follow our routines.

My DS9 and DD5 have stayed in the garden in a tent for the past two weeks as DS9 got it for his birthday ... They have been fine!!!

Also 7am .... Really .... Don't people have to get up and go to work anyway ??? 7 am is not early at all!!! I'd tell her DS to stop moaning!

dowhatnow · 23/08/2016 08:32

It's worrying about the co2 need for the bedbugs. I hope it has worked so the family don't descend on you again

ButtonBoo · 23/08/2016 08:48

I will say that going back after a month should work too as the bed bugs will still be there, sleeping, until enticed out by carbon dioxide from humans. But point being that they didn't have to create the upheaval at all. They're just delaying the process. The bugs will just come out and crawl on the dust/sprayed powder when they get back home. Providing they don't clean as soon as they get back. The powder is pretty thick but you have to leave it out for them to crawl on as its transferred up into their bodies via their legs.

IceRoadDucker · 23/08/2016 14:14

Cel982 If you have to re-write the OP's post to 'prove' your point, your point is wrong.

She didn't ask twice. She's asked "numerous" times, and then called the OP precious.

She IS an awful woman.