Am I being precious over room sharing ?

[AgeofAdaline]

Name changed as this is very identifying.

I have 2 boys, DS1 is 12 and DS2 is 8. DS2 is autistic, he has a lot of sensory issues, his room is very much his safe/comfort zone.

Everything is colour coded or alphabetised, each toy has a day to be played with, if it's not the day then it can't be touched. He has a set routine when he enters the room or wakes up, things have to be done in order, blanket completely rolled off, then curtains pulled back etc

We have a four bedroom house, although the fourth room is pretty tiny, all it can really fit is a bed and a desk and small wardrobe, we use it as a guest room.

DSis' house is being fumigated because of bed bugs. Exterminators have said that it may take a month.

Her, BIL and their 4 DC, 3, 7, 13 and 15 years old have been staying with us for the past week as they can't afford a hotel and no other family members live close enough to BIL's work and the kids school once they open up again.

We're happy to have them as they would do the same for us, we moved DS1 into the guest bedroom, DH and I then moved into DS1's room leaving DSis and her family to share the biggest room in the house.

But 6 people in one bedroom is proving to be too much, oldest DNephew, the 15 year old has taken to sleeping in the living room.

DSis has asked numerous times, if I can put DS1 in DS2's room freeing up a bed for her eldest or for one of the other children who are currently sleeping on camp beds/mattresses.

I've said no, DS2 is already struggling to cope with so many people in the house, his routine has been massively disrupted, the amount of tears I've had this week has been exhausting, the weather hasn't helped as it's meant everyone has stayed indoors.

She asked again this morning when DS2 woke up at 7am, went down into the living room and started playing with his toy trains, as he's done every Monday throughout the holidays but it woke up DNephew who spent all morning complaining.

DSis then said I was being precious over the room situation. Which I don't think I am, she just doesn't understand how much DS2 struggles.

YANBU. How you have kept your temper in the face of such ingratitude amazes me.

Tell them to find another relative to put up with the whinging teen.

Tell her she is welcome to leave and find somewhere else to stay.

Doesn't their house insurance cover stays in hotels for such situations?
You have been kind to put them up for a week, but it's time for them to go now.
If it could take a month this is no way for any of them to settle back into school routine it will be ridiculous.

Can't one of her kids, the 15 year old or 13 year old (if a boy) share with your DS1 in the spare room?

If your son wasn't autistic it'd be a fair request. But under the circumstances yanbu and maintaining his routines and environment trumps her inconvenience.

I'd make a comfy camp for two oldest nephews unless you could possibly borrow a caravan and have somewhere to put it.

The smallest room is too small for 2, a spare camp bed won't fit even if the furniture is moved, but we're planning to get another camp bed asap, then DS1 will move in with DH and I and DNephew or one of the others can have the room, we'll definetly put a tent in the garden, if the room is too cramped, they have the option of the tent.

You are not being preculious at all.

You have the patience of a saint to be putting up SIX people in a regular-sized 4-bed house for a month, rent-free. Your sister is bang out of order to be moaning. YANBU.

Just to throw another issue into the pot. I don't know a great deal about bed bugs but have an idea they are transported by people from bed to bed. They don't spontaneously appear anywhere such as an hotel but are left by guests, likewise your DSis's house must have got the bugs from somewhere else. Is she totally sure that none will be transported via her family's clothing/linen to your house?
Notwithstanding DDsis's stress at the situation etc, she is BU to not accept your arrangements and to understand your boy's problem. You have been generous above and beyond what most people would do for that number of relatives,

Blimey I'd just put the tent up and tell them to sleep out there she is being very unreasonable to think you should make so many adjustments for her and her whiny kids.

YANBU at all. Tell her it's not up for discussion or debate and if they don't like the current living arrangements, they are welcome to stay elsewhere.

I think you're bloody saints for putting up 6 people for an indefinite period of time at all!

YANBU

Yanbu op. Asides from the sharing house situation, I'm really hoping that your sister and her family have not brought bed bugs into your home. They don't stay on people per se, but are carried in clothing, suitcases, guitar cases even houseplants! Has she taken all the necessary precautions?

Really sorry to have brought this up, but it might be relevant. I would not let anyone stay at mine under these circumstances, you are truly being generous.

I would be saying - look we have moved, eldest has moved and its important for eveyones sanity that x stays where he is - would you like us to actually move out of OUR house so you can have free rein?? Get him a bloody tent in the garden if its that important for him to get his sleep. He chooses to sleep downstairs so he has to put up with early birds.

YANBU. You have already put yourself out quite a bit as has your DS1 and your DSis is being really ungrateful. I understand that your BIL has to stay at your house if it is near his work but why to the rest of them have to stay there? Can't they stay with anyone else until school starts.?

YANBU, your sons needs trump your nephews sleeping patterns. Just a word of warning, I hope they haven't brought anything from the house with them to yours. A work colleague had a relative to stay whilst their house was being fumigated for the very same reason and they ended up with the infestation in their house as well!

I was also wondering if there was any risk of your household becoming contaminated with bed bugs too? That could really cause some disruption!

You are not being unreasonable. Your sister is being ungrateful.

cross posted with you Benedickte2 I also wondered how the sister's home got them in the first place. I've read of instances where just placing a suitcase down where the bed bugs are mean you can pick them up.

She rents? Did I read that correctly - if so why is the landlord or agent not providing accommodation? Me thinks they have probably given her money towards alternative accommodation, she has pocketed it and is staying with you for free.

YADNBU!

However, insurance would generally not cover infestations unless OP has the relevant Domestic Emergency cover, and then the limit would usually only be £200-£500, so not enough to cover hotel accommodation for 6.

Would household insurance cover any of the costs for the fumigation? If you have to move out because of a fire or flood the insurance company would pay for the emergency accommodation. Could they check with their insurers? 6 extra people in the house for a month must be very stressful.

Oh god - just read how they spread on the NHS website

Easiest solution to this is to put the 15 year old in a tent in the garden. Do not move your son, thats bloody terrible of them.