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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being precious over room sharing ?

159 replies

AgeofAdaline · 22/08/2016 12:35

Name changed as this is very identifying.

I have 2 boys, DS1 is 12 and DS2 is 8. DS2 is autistic, he has a lot of sensory issues, his room is very much his safe/comfort zone.

Everything is colour coded or alphabetised, each toy has a day to be played with, if it's not the day then it can't be touched. He has a set routine when he enters the room or wakes up, things have to be done in order, blanket completely rolled off, then curtains pulled back etc

We have a four bedroom house, although the fourth room is pretty tiny, all it can really fit is a bed and a desk and small wardrobe, we use it as a guest room.

DSis' house is being fumigated because of bed bugs. Exterminators have said that it may take a month.

Her, BIL and their 4 DC, 3, 7, 13 and 15 years old have been staying with us for the past week as they can't afford a hotel and no other family members live close enough to BIL's work and the kids school once they open up again.

We're happy to have them as they would do the same for us, we moved DS1 into the guest bedroom, DH and I then moved into DS1's room leaving DSis and her family to share the biggest room in the house.

But 6 people in one bedroom is proving to be too much, oldest DNephew, the 15 year old has taken to sleeping in the living room.

DSis has asked numerous times, if I can put DS1 in DS2's room freeing up a bed for her eldest or for one of the other children who are currently sleeping on camp beds/mattresses.

I've said no, DS2 is already struggling to cope with so many people in the house, his routine has been massively disrupted, the amount of tears I've had this week has been exhausting, the weather hasn't helped as it's meant everyone has stayed indoors.

She asked again this morning when DS2 woke up at 7am, went down into the living room and started playing with his toy trains, as he's done every Monday throughout the holidays but it woke up DNephew who spent all morning complaining.

DSis then said I was being precious over the room situation. Which I don't think I am, she just doesn't understand how much DS2 struggles.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 22/08/2016 15:49

'Have you thought about buying a cheap caravan park in drive and sell it on when they leave .'

She's already hosting them free of charge, now she should shell out more
£££ because the sister doesn't like the arrangements that are on offer? Then have the hassle of being stuck with a caravan, ten, camp bed or other junk she doesn't need?

The sister takes what's on offer or finds something else!

clam · 22/08/2016 15:51

Have you thought about buying a cheap caravan

Wtf? The OP buys one??? Why not the sister?

I'm astounded to read this thread. You have already gone way above and beyond the call of duty in putting up a family of 6 in what sounds like a relatively small house. And they're likely to be there for a fair bit longer? And now they're complaining?

Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

IceRoadDucker · 22/08/2016 15:53

I really don't think she deserves the slating she's getting here.

I don't know what thread you're reading but this awful woman is getting off easy. The number of people that have suggested the OP making further sacrifices!

Memoires · 22/08/2016 15:59

Can their older boy not stay with a friend of his own? Then he'd still be local but would get better sleep, or be up playing on XBox with friend instead of counting his miseries.

Braywatch · 22/08/2016 15:59

YADNBU or precious, of course you must keep your son's bedroom just for him, especially as he is already dealing with the disruption of having extra people in the house for an extended period.

I agree with other posters who have suggested a tent in the garden. Could your sister and her children even borrow the tent to go camping somewhere for a few days to give you a bit of a break? I realise she's under a lot of stress, but if she mentions the room arrangements again I'd have to tell her that her constantly asking was making me regret doing them a good turn in their time of need and that she was coming across as ungrateful.

cestlavielife · 22/08/2016 16:03

did she check with her household insurance? if the house cannot be lived in then her insurance should cover the hotel costs.

but no dont change your ds2 sleeping arrangements

cestlavielife · 22/08/2016 16:08

most household insurance will have some hing like the below -have they checked if covered -

If your home can’t be lived in as a result of a claim, we’ll ensure that you and your loved ones are provided with suitable alternative accommodation until your home is ready to live in. If you rent your home we’ll either pay for your lost rent or (if not otherwise insured) alternative accommodation for your tenant.

We’ll pay up to (the higher of) £80,000 or 20% of the sum insured for buildings and under contents cover we’ll pay up to £10,000.

DrSeuss · 22/08/2016 16:10

Ask her if she would take the hearing aids from a deaf child or the wheel chair from a child who couldn't walk. That is essentially what she wants done. Taking your son's safe space would make his life intolerable.

musicinspring1 · 22/08/2016 16:14

Sorry haven't RTFT but tent in the garden if you have either??? And no, yanbu.

springwaters · 22/08/2016 16:15

It doesn't take a month for bed bugs. Have you checked this?

CafeCremeMerci · 22/08/2016 16:16

YANBU

Not one bit. Your DS is doing well to be tolerating 6 more people in the house.

Bed bugs? They really (as another poster said) should not have left the house unoccupied. You need to be stimulating them, not allowing them to hibernate.

I'm afraid 'careful' or not, they would not be staying with us.

iamamug · 22/08/2016 16:19

Infestation by bed bugs is not an insurable incident therefore the Dsis won't be able to claim for alternative accommodation.

Merrymumoftwo · 22/08/2016 16:36

There has already been some good suggestions
DSis eldest stay with a friend
Borrow a tent for garden(if you have one)
Very concerned re month though as everywhere I have checked states treatment takes less than this so agree with querying this.
YANBU and have been very patient and I would not move your eldest any more she has other solutions if she finds it that unbearable maybe she should look at them?

MiaowJario · 22/08/2016 16:46

YANBU but you are also right to notice and be understanding about the amount of strain she is under.

E.g. Not getting get worked about the fact she even asked.

Maybe see if you can go out for a coffee just the two of you and calmly talk through the situation- not just the practical side, but the underpinning feelings/emotions. Even if it's just the two of you having a coffee in the garden. And also work out some logistics e.g. They have family days out at times so you feel less cramped, maybe also vice versa.

I think you are a very, very good person for doing this. I am also pretty sure on some level she realises this, she's just a bit at her wit's end. I think you will find a way through without either upsetting your DS or her family.

MotherOfGlob · 22/08/2016 16:46

cestlavielife there would generally be an exclusion for infestations/insects. Alternative accommodation is usually only provided in the case of an insured peril eg: Fire/flood.

MewlingQuim · 22/08/2016 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

goddessoftheharvest · 22/08/2016 16:51

YANBU

Having extra people is enough stress, he needs his room even more

What was her alternative plan if you couldn't put her up?

AndNowItsSeven · 22/08/2016 16:52

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iseenodust · 22/08/2016 16:53

YANBU. Your DSis can buy a 2 person tent from Tesco for less than £20 and put move both her eldest out into the garden.

Kittykatmacbill · 22/08/2016 16:57

Another vote for a tent in the garden, 13 & 15 yr old will be just fine. You could be very nice and invests in an outdoor extension lead for the tent has bought by your 'd's. Personally I would invest a little more than 20 and get a double skinned one, so that they stray dry for the entire month.

You are an utter Saint to have 6 extra people for a month!

takesnoprisoners · 22/08/2016 17:12

I have nothing to add that has not been said before. But, dear OP, you are truly a saint! I could never do what you are doing for your sis.

ProudAS · 22/08/2016 17:35

It must be hard enough for your DS without losing his safe space. YANBU but your DSis is.

expatinscotland · 22/08/2016 18:42

Yeah, send her off to get a tent. Erect it on wooden pallets (you can pick these up for free in a lot of places) so it won't get wet on bottom. No reason why you should go buying more stuff to accommodate them all, you are going above and beyond as it is.

ItWentInMyEye · 22/08/2016 19:00

YADNBU! when if she asks again tell her you don't appreciate the constant asking despite your answer always being the same. I can't believe she's not more grateful towards you, and more supportive of your son's needs. She Must have other options that don't involve all 6 of them being with you. Take some to bed with you, you saint!

expatinscotland · 22/08/2016 19:27

'But she wasn't U to ask in the first place, '

She wasn't? When she knows her nephew has such special needs? Now she's asked continually, her son has been moaning and she told her sister that the latter is being precious about how she runs her own fucking home.

SHE can go and find another place for some of them to stay, buy a tent/caravan/yurt/whatever, take out a loan to accommodate her family in more spacious lodgings.

As it is her story doesn't ring true, OP.

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