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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

You couldn't write this sh*t!!!!!

354 replies

Tryingtostayyoung · 21/08/2016 18:36

I literally can not believe what has just happened to me, I am fuming, in shock and shaking...

I have a very good friend, part of the same friendship group wouldn't say she is my bestest friend but always been a good one. I was out for dinner with our group a few nights ago and she was talking about how she is convinced her fiancé is having an affair. We all told her we didn't think he was because tbh he's fantastic and quite obviously loves her and she's just paranoid (always been a bit of a drama queen)...

Now rewind to around a month ago I was at a family function and my younger cousin was there (18) who I'm not exactly close to but we do get on very well. She tells me that she has a new boyfriend I ask why he isn't there, she confides in me that he has a serious girlfriend but that she is depressed and suicidal and he can't leave her Hmm I expressed that it was wrong even if that was his situation because he should be focussing on trying to end it gently, not doing the thing that could push this poor girl over the edge...

So surprise surprise you all know where this is going... I am out today, cousin calls me, can i come over, I can hear she's in tears. Turns out she's pregnant, she wants the baby, the prick is pressuring her to abort. I start trying to talk to her about her options etc etc. Her phones ringing like MAD and she tells me it's him and she's ignoring she thought he loved her etc then she gets a text and she tells me he's outside and wants her to come down and talk to him, I look outside and who is it?! YOU GUESSED IT!!!!

My friend is definitely not depressed or suicidal he is just a complete and utter wanker and I am furious. She went with him and i didn't tell her because i don't know what to do. I don't like to get involved in things like this normally but AIBU I'm already involved aren't I?? Fuck sake!!!!

OP posts:
travellinghopefully12 · 21/08/2016 19:32

I think you were right to tell her Mum, knowing how naive she is and how close they are. Some people are adults at eighteen, but certainly not all.

Theimpossiblegirl · 21/08/2016 19:33

I agree you should tell them. If I were you, I'd make sure both women knew that the other had nothing to do with the duplicity.

Your poor cousin is so young, what a shit. There's no way this leopard is going to change his spots, either, so they'd both be better off without him.

SleepDeprivedAndCranky · 21/08/2016 19:34

It's like an episode of Jezzer Kyle Grin

yorkshapudding · 21/08/2016 19:36

Is your friend packing by herself or is he there? If you know she's alone I'd be tempted to just turn up and explain that you have something important to discuss with her and it can't wait.

Ilovewineandcrisps · 21/08/2016 19:36

Your poor friend Sad.

Sparrowlegs248 · 21/08/2016 19:36

Good grief OP I don't envy you. I hope your friend doesn't 'shoot the messenger' as you are the one to be delivering devastating news. But you ARE doing the right thing. Your poor friend.

Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 21/08/2016 19:37

When I saw my cousin she said she was undecided but I felt like she wanted to keep it but made it very clear that he was telling her to have an obortion, offered to pay etc etc he's 30, I went to his party a couple months ago.

Funnily enough DH said he's not actually surprised because he always seemed fake and slimy and that us girls all just fell for it. Dickhead

OP posts:
BifsWif · 21/08/2016 19:38

Jesus, what a mess.

You're absolutely doing the right thing in telling your friend, and I think you did the right thing telling your cousins mum (Aunty?) too.

TheJiminyConjecture · 21/08/2016 19:38

Well you're a fast mover OP that's for sure. Hopefully the fall out will be minimal

SarahM24 · 21/08/2016 19:38

Having been in your friends position I would go straight there and tell her. Stop her packing and let her know so she can take it from there. Not a nice position to be in but you'll be doing her a massive favour this guy is an absolute prick

Theimpossiblegirl · 21/08/2016 19:38

So many good posts between me writing mine and pressing send. Telling her mum is a very good idea.

Both women are lucky to have you as a friend/family member.

Flowers Wine for you.

ppandj · 21/08/2016 19:38

Oh OP what a situation for you! You are doing the right thing telling the women what's going on. What a wanker he is!

bluebeck · 21/08/2016 19:39

Christ I think the friend sounds like the one who is naive and vulnerable, rather than the cousin, who has willingly had an affair with a pathetic prick of a man she knew was taken.

If I were you OP I would concentrate my efforts on helping your friend. Sounds like she is the only innocent party in all this. I feel really sorry for her.

Arfarfanarf · 21/08/2016 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 21/08/2016 19:40

Right I've decided to just go round there, I can't do it on the phone it feels wrong, I feel sick. I'm just gonna turn up she only lives round the corner.

OP posts:
GirlWithAPearlNecklace · 21/08/2016 19:41

Go to your friend and tell her in person.

Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 21/08/2016 19:42

I'm so worried she'll be upset with me.

OP posts:
winewolfhowls · 21/08/2016 19:44

You are a good friend and relative Flowers

Aramynta · 21/08/2016 19:44

Glad your Cousins Mum knows. I hope it all goes well with your friend. As well as it can anyway.

[thanks Thanks for her and you.

Theimpossiblegirl · 21/08/2016 19:44

She may react badly but you are acting as a true friend. Once the initial shock has worn off, she will realise this. Good luck.

SundialShadow · 21/08/2016 19:45

Ok. Here is what I would do:

((Disclaimer, I am a complete coward who hate actual IRL confrontations with people I know no matter how much I joke about doing adaptations of Alan Rickman's best threatening lines to strangers in the supermarket.))

I would send anonymous letters to both women outlining all the lies they have both been told by this scumbag. He is the one in the wrong, he created this situation by lying in order to get his end away with two women. Forcing one to have an abortion while his future parents in law are shelling out for a wedding he is not committed to is wicked, selfish, stupid, inconsiderate and weak.

Oh and yes, anyone who plays hide the sausage with one person while they are engaged / married / committed to another person are scumbags.

Jarhead · 21/08/2016 19:45

Good call OP, hope your friend will be ok Flowers

WankStainWasher · 21/08/2016 19:45

Whatever happens you're doing the right thing by telling her. Even if she's upset with you initially, if she has a brain she'll know you did right by her.

Aramynta · 21/08/2016 19:46

You don't know what the outcome of this is going to be OP, but your friend deserves to know. If she is upset with you, and she may well be somehow, then at least you know you did the right thing.

I would want to know. I hope she does too.

Sparrowlegs248 · 21/08/2016 19:47

She is going to be upset. And it might get directed at you but try not to take it personally. Good luck.