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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

You couldn't write this sh*t!!!!!

354 replies

Tryingtostayyoung · 21/08/2016 18:36

I literally can not believe what has just happened to me, I am fuming, in shock and shaking...

I have a very good friend, part of the same friendship group wouldn't say she is my bestest friend but always been a good one. I was out for dinner with our group a few nights ago and she was talking about how she is convinced her fiancé is having an affair. We all told her we didn't think he was because tbh he's fantastic and quite obviously loves her and she's just paranoid (always been a bit of a drama queen)...

Now rewind to around a month ago I was at a family function and my younger cousin was there (18) who I'm not exactly close to but we do get on very well. She tells me that she has a new boyfriend I ask why he isn't there, she confides in me that he has a serious girlfriend but that she is depressed and suicidal and he can't leave her Hmm I expressed that it was wrong even if that was his situation because he should be focussing on trying to end it gently, not doing the thing that could push this poor girl over the edge...

So surprise surprise you all know where this is going... I am out today, cousin calls me, can i come over, I can hear she's in tears. Turns out she's pregnant, she wants the baby, the prick is pressuring her to abort. I start trying to talk to her about her options etc etc. Her phones ringing like MAD and she tells me it's him and she's ignoring she thought he loved her etc then she gets a text and she tells me he's outside and wants her to come down and talk to him, I look outside and who is it?! YOU GUESSED IT!!!!

My friend is definitely not depressed or suicidal he is just a complete and utter wanker and I am furious. She went with him and i didn't tell her because i don't know what to do. I don't like to get involved in things like this normally but AIBU I'm already involved aren't I?? Fuck sake!!!!

OP posts:
diddl · 22/08/2016 08:56

Gosh-your poor friend.

Your cousin, oh dear-she might be tied to him for quite a few years.

It does sound as if she was flattered by the attention from an older man-been there myself.

Wasn't unlucky enough to have a contraception fail though.

imwithspud · 22/08/2016 09:01

You've done exactly the right things op, well doneFlowers your friend and cousin are lucky to have you.

BeyondLovesSweetDee · 22/08/2016 09:19

It is a shit shit situation, but you have dealt with your 'end' brilliantly. You are a good friend Wine

RosieSW · 22/08/2016 10:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoblinLittleOwl · 22/08/2016 10:22

You couldn't write this sh#t!!!!!
Well, I don't know.
Shakespeare did.

MiddleClassProblem · 22/08/2016 11:21

Well done op. Sounds like all parties are being rational bar the dickhead. Your froend sounds strong, the opposite of what he painted her out to be to your cousin. Hopefully your cousin won't get sucked in again. They're both lucky to have you x

FoxesOnSocks · 22/08/2016 11:26

Did he (Shakespeare)? Which play?

ShebaShimmyShake · 22/08/2016 16:34

Inform the police of his threatening phone call. I don't believe for one second you're in any danger (what, big hard man can't eveb threaten you directly?), but it will shake him up and teach him this is yet another way you don't treat people. Be sure to tell everyone he threatened you, too.

PoisonWitch · 22/08/2016 16:38

I can well believe this sort of drama. We had a previously unknown lovechild in her twenties turn up at a family reunion once. That went down well.

Arfarfanarf · 22/08/2016 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Madeyemoodysmum · 22/08/2016 17:20

What a cock. I'm pleased he has been found out and hope ur ok op

GabsAlot · 22/08/2016 21:32

hope all goes ok tonight with your friend meetup

what a mess eh-hope your cousin doesnt rush into any decisions but needs to be told what a horrible man shes got pregnant by

honeyrider · 23/08/2016 00:07

I'm glad he's been outed to both women. He has some cheek blaming OP.

LillyInTheMoon · 23/08/2016 00:38

He's got to blame you. Heaven forbid he accepts he's a lying cheating rat who is in this mess because of his choice to fuck about.

^This. What an arsehole. I can't believe he threatened you! Thank god your friend found out before she married him.

Your poor cousin may be tied to that scumbag indefinitely.

BlueFolly · 23/08/2016 01:03

Are any of your friends on mumsnet? I would be terrified that the situation would be so easily identified.

a8mint · 23/08/2016 01:25

Not much sympathy for the cousin. She has made her bed....

Bogeyface · 23/08/2016 01:51

Be fair though a8mint, she sounds like a very young 18 who was taken in by a master manipulator, dont forget that a 30 year old fell for his lies too. She may not have quite realised exactly what kind of bed she was making.

imwithspud · 23/08/2016 07:24

I don't know why people lack sympathy for the18 year old, turning 18 doesn't suddenly make a person immune from making mistakes and being manipulated, particularly by older men. He lied to her and she's pregnant. She needs just as much support as the friend in this. They've both been screwed over by him.

Sparrowlegs248 · 23/08/2016 08:21

While I do feel some sympathy for the 18yr old cousin (what an awful situation to find yourself in, especially at that age) She did know he had a girlfriend. Yes he lied to her, butgetting knowingly involved with an older man with a gf is never going to end well. What a way to learn a lesson though.

I hope she gets some professional, balanced advice. He's an arse for pressuring her to abort. It's her choice.

imwithspud · 23/08/2016 10:13

I guess she fell for the lies and hoped he would one day leave her and have her happily ever after. Naive and selfish? Yes, but who wasn't at that age. He took advantage of her.

I just feel the only one who truly deserves condemning in this situation is the guy who manipulated 2 young women, one who he was due to be getting married to and the other he got knocked up. Hope he gets what he deserves and the two women manage to come out of the other side stronger.

lasttimeround · 23/08/2016 10:41

We think people 'make their bed...' at 18? Poor girl it's a hard way to see through a shitty boyfriend at that age. Didn't everyone have at least one shitty boyfriend? Most of us get away without the pregnancy and pressure to abort plus the 'oh yeah that wacky girlfriend I was splitting up from I was actually marrying - forgot to mention'.

lasttimeround · 23/08/2016 10:42

Then again I sways felt horribly sorry for Monica Lewinsky

TheMaddHugger · 23/08/2016 11:53

((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))) for you Tryingtostayyoung and your Cousin and your poor Friend.

Memoires · 23/08/2016 12:50

I hope last evening went along OK, and that wine was quaffed, you all got a bit drunk and cemented further the bonds between you all. I hope your friend went home feeling at any rate she has some fab friends.

Theimpossiblegirl · 23/08/2016 15:08

I feel so sorry for the 18 year old. What a horrible way to learn a hard lesson. Last week was A level results day, many Mumsnetters have children this age, just about to go to uni, only just left school. Legally adults but still children in many ways, including a certain amount of naivety and a big lack of life experience. Poor girl, I hope she comes through this ok.

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