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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

You couldn't write this sh*t!!!!!

354 replies

Tryingtostayyoung · 21/08/2016 18:36

I literally can not believe what has just happened to me, I am fuming, in shock and shaking...

I have a very good friend, part of the same friendship group wouldn't say she is my bestest friend but always been a good one. I was out for dinner with our group a few nights ago and she was talking about how she is convinced her fiancé is having an affair. We all told her we didn't think he was because tbh he's fantastic and quite obviously loves her and she's just paranoid (always been a bit of a drama queen)...

Now rewind to around a month ago I was at a family function and my younger cousin was there (18) who I'm not exactly close to but we do get on very well. She tells me that she has a new boyfriend I ask why he isn't there, she confides in me that he has a serious girlfriend but that she is depressed and suicidal and he can't leave her Hmm I expressed that it was wrong even if that was his situation because he should be focussing on trying to end it gently, not doing the thing that could push this poor girl over the edge...

So surprise surprise you all know where this is going... I am out today, cousin calls me, can i come over, I can hear she's in tears. Turns out she's pregnant, she wants the baby, the prick is pressuring her to abort. I start trying to talk to her about her options etc etc. Her phones ringing like MAD and she tells me it's him and she's ignoring she thought he loved her etc then she gets a text and she tells me he's outside and wants her to come down and talk to him, I look outside and who is it?! YOU GUESSED IT!!!!

My friend is definitely not depressed or suicidal he is just a complete and utter wanker and I am furious. She went with him and i didn't tell her because i don't know what to do. I don't like to get involved in things like this normally but AIBU I'm already involved aren't I?? Fuck sake!!!!

OP posts:
Million2One · 21/08/2016 19:14

Tell both women but try not to get too involved otherwise. Just give them the facts and keep out of the resulting drama.

RepentAtLeisure · 21/08/2016 19:16

I'd sit down with your aunt and cousin, and make sure she has all the facts.

Then immediately call to speak to your friend because it could get back to her very quickly.

Aramynta · 21/08/2016 19:16

Oh just read your recent post.

Good luck and don't let him twist any of this!

Champagneformyrealfriends · 21/08/2016 19:20

Shock I don't envy you this situation op.

Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 21/08/2016 19:21

Ok so just got off the phone to her mum, she was devastated and said that a lot of things make sense now. Apparently she's been very upset last week or so and that she found it strange that she was obviously seeing someone but wouldn't introduce as she had always done this before. I definitely did the right thing, at the end of the day her mum will support her in whatever she chooses but he is pressuring her and I don't want that for her she needs to decide for herself what is best. Her mum will speak to her, she's home now so her mum said that when she does she will give me a text just before because I don't want friend to find out before I tell her otherwise it looks like I didn't think of her. I've already texted friend and asked if I can pop round in an hour or so and she said that she can't but that she'll call me as she's packing as he surprised her with a few days away with him!!!!!

OP posts:
UnGoogleable · 21/08/2016 19:22

You're right to tell everyone everything to absolve yourself of any responsibility for anyone else's secrets. Be there for your cousin but also for your friend. Be honest with both of them about your relationships with both.

Honesty is absolutely the best way here.

Good luck, and I'm sorry you've found yourself in the middle of this.

happypoobum · 21/08/2016 19:23

I also think it's weird to tell cousins mum. Are you telling your friends mum too?

Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 21/08/2016 19:24

I'm so angry and upset but is it wrong that although I'm really angry for my cousin I'm more upset for my friend as she has done absolutely nothing wrong in this situation

OP posts:
MonsterZinc · 21/08/2016 19:24

Goodness. What a mess.

Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 21/08/2016 19:26

For everyone that's commenting about me telling her mum as a few have pointed out not all 18year olds are adults, she is still very much a kid, totally vulnerable and in my opinion on the verge of doing something that she doesn't really want to do because she is being pressured by a very grown up man. In this situation it is 100% appropriate for me to tell her mum.

OP posts:
ParisienneRose · 21/08/2016 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mypropertea · 21/08/2016 19:27

I'd probably tell the friend I was coming over, call cousins mum, then tell friend. All very quickly so that mr weasel can't try to ft to anyone first.

mypropertea · 21/08/2016 19:27

Get to

UnGoogleable · 21/08/2016 19:27

No, I'd be more upset for your friend too - she's the innocent party in this. Your cousin is young, naiive and has been lied to. But she knew her 'boyfriend' had a girlfriend - the only thing she didn't know was the state of his relationship.

Your poor friend. I hope she's ok. But I agree with others, try not to get involved. It will get messy.

GirlWithAPearlNecklace · 21/08/2016 19:27

You need to speak to your friend NOW! Don't let her go away with him.
If you tell her when she gets back, she's going to know that you knew all along and let her go anyway.
Go round, make out that YOU need help in order to get her on her own, and then tell her.

ABloodyDifficultWoman · 21/08/2016 19:28

Wow. It's like something out of Take a Break!

You should stay out of it - no good will come of over-involving yourself.

DoinItFine · 21/08/2016 19:28

Your cousin is only 18.

At 18 going out with a bloke with a girlfriend is not unusual.

She has been lied to and manipulated by an older man who has taken advantage of her youth and inexperoence.

She is pregnant.

Your friend will be devastated, but really she has had a lucky escape.

This could mess your barely adult cousin forva long time.

UnGoogleable · 21/08/2016 19:29

I would have gone to her Mum too OP. Assuming her Mum is your Aunt? No one on here knows your family dynamic. You know your Cousin, and her Mum and what would be best in this situation. Glad to hear that you've told her Mum and she will deal with it.

Shizzlestix · 21/08/2016 19:29

Did your cousin say what she wanted to do when you saw her?

How old is this guy?

RebootYourEngine · 21/08/2016 19:29

I would phone her and tell her or just pop round now. She needs to know now.

Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 21/08/2016 19:29

100% this is the biggest rush ever and needs perfect timing, absolutely no way in hell will I let her leave with him, she's calling me soon, fuck sake I'm more nervous and scared for this she is going to be devastated. I literally hate him, he is scum. How could he let her family start paying for the wedding whilst doing this

OP posts:
whateveryousay · 21/08/2016 19:30

Tell your friend it is very, very important that you speak to her now. If she still is 'too busy', then when it all comes out, she will know you at least tried your best to tell her.

Sleeplessinmybedroom · 21/08/2016 19:30

What an awful situation to be in I really feel for you. You're doing the right thing. 18 is still very Young and she will need the support of her Mum.

Kaisha02 · 21/08/2016 19:31

Please please call your friend back and tell her you need to speak to her now.

Libitina · 21/08/2016 19:31

Well done for telling your cousins Mum, please tell your friend asap. Preferably before she goes away for a few days romantic break with the tosser. Tell her it's urgent and you must see her.