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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

You couldn't write this sh*t!!!!!

354 replies

Tryingtostayyoung · 21/08/2016 18:36

I literally can not believe what has just happened to me, I am fuming, in shock and shaking...

I have a very good friend, part of the same friendship group wouldn't say she is my bestest friend but always been a good one. I was out for dinner with our group a few nights ago and she was talking about how she is convinced her fiancé is having an affair. We all told her we didn't think he was because tbh he's fantastic and quite obviously loves her and she's just paranoid (always been a bit of a drama queen)...

Now rewind to around a month ago I was at a family function and my younger cousin was there (18) who I'm not exactly close to but we do get on very well. She tells me that she has a new boyfriend I ask why he isn't there, she confides in me that he has a serious girlfriend but that she is depressed and suicidal and he can't leave her Hmm I expressed that it was wrong even if that was his situation because he should be focussing on trying to end it gently, not doing the thing that could push this poor girl over the edge...

So surprise surprise you all know where this is going... I am out today, cousin calls me, can i come over, I can hear she's in tears. Turns out she's pregnant, she wants the baby, the prick is pressuring her to abort. I start trying to talk to her about her options etc etc. Her phones ringing like MAD and she tells me it's him and she's ignoring she thought he loved her etc then she gets a text and she tells me he's outside and wants her to come down and talk to him, I look outside and who is it?! YOU GUESSED IT!!!!

My friend is definitely not depressed or suicidal he is just a complete and utter wanker and I am furious. She went with him and i didn't tell her because i don't know what to do. I don't like to get involved in things like this normally but AIBU I'm already involved aren't I?? Fuck sake!!!!

OP posts:
hefzi · 21/08/2016 21:18

onemorecup You are still friends with the idiot? Has he improved the way he behaves towards the women in his life at least?!

FoxTeaParty · 21/08/2016 21:20

I don't think I have read a one thread today that hasn't had 'troll hunters' on. As someone previously said, it must be the in thing on mn at the moment.

I definitely think you did the right thing by telling them both, they will both be better off without that scumbag.

I agree about not giving your cousin's phone number, she doesn't need to be screamed at right now. Although i know you don't want to upset your friend by not giving it, you need to think the best way to reply to her as she wont be thinking clearly.

Good luck op, you have been supportive to both of them and i am sure they will eventually be thankful.

ConkersDontScareSpiders · 21/08/2016 21:21

Tell both women.if you start lying on top of him being vile it will be all the worse for them (both) when it comes out.which of course it will.

LabRats · 21/08/2016 21:22

Do other people not have a friend like this?

No.

Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 21/08/2016 21:23

No I didn't say that her dad came upstairs and then she threw it out of the window I said that I told her she went insane, rung him and then because there was a lot of shouting her dad came upstairs. Fgs I didn't know that I had to give a play by play to not be accused of lying. I came in, went into living room told her straight away she cried was upset then got angry, threw her ring out the window then ran upstairs to her room where her phone was, rang him shouted then her dad walked in.

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo1 · 21/08/2016 21:25

Hope you are having a well deserved glass of wine, OP! Wine your nerves must need settling!

FoxesOnSocks · 21/08/2016 21:27

Don't give your cousin's number, she may have known about his girlfriend but she was lied to, plus she's young (and I presume immature to think a relationship with a man with a girlfriend is a good option).

Yes you're cousin is wrong but don't let your friend use her as the 'bad guy' her finance has the staring role as that, your cousin is supporting act, but he is the responsible one for the situation.

Batteriesallgone · 21/08/2016 21:29

I hate to say this Trying but you are likely to be the target of suspicious sniping like this in real life over all this - shoot the messager style. One benefit is it gives you the chance to practice saying you havent done anything wrong and maybe after a while you'll be able to not engage with it. It's shit but that's how it is. Fuckers like this guy damage the lives of pretty much everyone they come into contact with.

WannaBeDifferent · 21/08/2016 21:31

Wow. Your poor friend .

Million2One · 21/08/2016 21:33

OP, isn't a new poster and she hasn't name changed - she's started plenty of normal threads.

OP, I think you have to tell EVERYONE involved that you are not going to be involved at all and that you won't discuss it anymore with anyone. Your cousin has her Mum and your friend has her family and has other friends.

If possible you shouldn't discuss it with anyone other than your DH. I.e. NO gossiping. If anyone asks you about it you should say that you won't discuss it.

Don't act as a messenger or councilor.

BeyondLovesSweetDee · 21/08/2016 21:35

Agree with million.

Million2One · 21/08/2016 21:35

BTW - maybe you want to get this thread deleted too just in case it's identifyable.

hippydippybaloney · 21/08/2016 21:36

You've done the right thing but I would keep clear of them both for a while.

Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 21/08/2016 21:38

Million2one thank you!! I post on here all the time, about normal stuff I haven't name changed or anything because im not lying.

I called friend and told her that I can't give her number to her, I know she's done wrong but I'm not getting involved, I done the right thing in my opinion now I bow out. She said that she just wants all the facts and she's also devastated because apparently they've been trying for a baby which I had no idea about. It's just shitty. The whole mess is just shitty.

OP posts:
Batteriesallgone · 21/08/2016 21:38

Yeah I bet MN will put this thread on Facebook. Just to warn you that happens with threads like this. It's sad no one can discuss real life dramas on Mumsnet without troll hunting, being heavily publicised by Mumsnet themselves or being picked up by the daily mail but there it is.

MrsBrent · 21/08/2016 21:41

Oh god! You've done the right thing. I'm sure you will end up with this blowing up in your face, but whatever you had done it would have been 'wrong' but I hope the fall out isn't too bad. You've done the right thing

FoxtonFoxFace · 21/08/2016 21:42

yy Batteries

Thegreenone · 21/08/2016 21:42

You did the right thing op

Bogeyface · 21/08/2016 21:46

Do other people not have a friend like this?

Yes, I suspect it may be me! My initial instinct is to chuck something but then common sense kicks in so it miraculously finds it way to a soft landing Blush

Daffodils8 · 21/08/2016 21:47

What a horrible situation you're in.

As hard as it must have been, you did the right thing. Flowers

ItsASunnyDay · 21/08/2016 21:50

You did the right thing, OP.

MiddleClassProblem · 21/08/2016 21:55

Trying for a baby? Oh, God. Poor girl. Hideous situation.

AprilLoveJ · 21/08/2016 21:57

Op I'm sorry you've had to deal with troll hunters in this thread. I think some people are either just thoroughly sceptical or simply don't have the ability to analyse and interpret language very well so they jump straight to the wrong conclusions. It does seem that troll hunting is trending right now. It means a lot of people may not post out of fear of being chastised or ridiculed, and have no outlet for their anxieties. It needs to stop. Trolls will be dealt with accordingly by MN in the event they do occur, so why the hunters continue to post sarcastic comments mystifies many of us here.

I'm glad you've received support here.

You've done all the right things. I agree with million and believe it best to stay out of it now and only discuss your feelings with dh (and MN of course).

I do hope your relationships with your cousin and friend do not suffer because of this selfish man. The way he has used such serious mental health issues as a get out clause to save his own ass has beyond horrified me also. What an utterly revolting human being. He is disgusting.

Bogeyface · 21/08/2016 22:00

Well them TTC explains her hatred for the pregnant cousin :(

And he has had his life ruined?! The man has no concept of what those words mean, although I suspect that he is about to find out.

ProseccoBitch · 21/08/2016 22:03

You've done the right thing.

If you haven't said anything about the ring maybe just text her and say you've got it safe.