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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

You couldn't write this sh*t!!!!!

354 replies

Tryingtostayyoung · 21/08/2016 18:36

I literally can not believe what has just happened to me, I am fuming, in shock and shaking...

I have a very good friend, part of the same friendship group wouldn't say she is my bestest friend but always been a good one. I was out for dinner with our group a few nights ago and she was talking about how she is convinced her fiancé is having an affair. We all told her we didn't think he was because tbh he's fantastic and quite obviously loves her and she's just paranoid (always been a bit of a drama queen)...

Now rewind to around a month ago I was at a family function and my younger cousin was there (18) who I'm not exactly close to but we do get on very well. She tells me that she has a new boyfriend I ask why he isn't there, she confides in me that he has a serious girlfriend but that she is depressed and suicidal and he can't leave her Hmm I expressed that it was wrong even if that was his situation because he should be focussing on trying to end it gently, not doing the thing that could push this poor girl over the edge...

So surprise surprise you all know where this is going... I am out today, cousin calls me, can i come over, I can hear she's in tears. Turns out she's pregnant, she wants the baby, the prick is pressuring her to abort. I start trying to talk to her about her options etc etc. Her phones ringing like MAD and she tells me it's him and she's ignoring she thought he loved her etc then she gets a text and she tells me he's outside and wants her to come down and talk to him, I look outside and who is it?! YOU GUESSED IT!!!!

My friend is definitely not depressed or suicidal he is just a complete and utter wanker and I am furious. She went with him and i didn't tell her because i don't know what to do. I don't like to get involved in things like this normally but AIBU I'm already involved aren't I?? Fuck sake!!!!

OP posts:
Inertia · 21/08/2016 22:08

You can't give your cousin's number to your friend. It's up to the lying, two-timing piece of shit boyfriend to clean up his own mess now.

magoria · 21/08/2016 22:10

They both need to make sure he hasn't given them anything.

This may not be the only time or your cousin may not have been the first.

If they have been trying for a baby and your cousin is pregnant then he doesn't seem to have been practising very safe sex.

RosieSW · 21/08/2016 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 21/08/2016 22:17

When I called friend and told her I wouldn't be giving cousins number she actually asked me to not tell anyone as she's humiliated and will do it in her own time which ofcourse I will respect entirely.

I don't think that my friend will forgive him she's not he type and her parents would hate him forever but my cousin on the other hand I don't know. She's scared and pregnant who knows.

OP posts:
WhatTwinfuckeryIsThis · 21/08/2016 22:22

Let's hope your poor friend isn't already pregnant.

She may need to get herself checked for STIs too, he may have slept with other people.

MiddleClassProblem · 21/08/2016 22:30

And being young and naive to a man who got her to be with him despite his gf could encourage her back. At least her mum knows.

BengalCatMum · 21/08/2016 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GabsAlot · 21/08/2016 22:36

what a mess

another yy to the ay youve handled it u done all u can now is the time for support only

whenu said in your op your friend ha suspicions did she elaborate on that

was she truly shocked or knew it was coming

not that it matters just dont let her find out where your cousin lives

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 21/08/2016 22:40

How's your poor cousin?

DesolateWaist · 21/08/2016 22:40

No one is coming out of this well are they?
Your poor cousin now having to face some very difficult choices.
Your poor friend who has been shat on from a great height, at least you told her before she married him. She can walk away and get her life back on track I guess.

And he is an utter shit bag, I can believe he is blaming you for ruining his life.

VladmirsPoutine · 21/08/2016 22:58

.

slithytove · 21/08/2016 23:04

Terrible for the women involved but at least your friend can walk away. Not so easy for your cousin.

Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 21/08/2016 23:06

MiddleClassProblem This is the sort of reason that I told her mum, she can now monitor the situation properly with her best interests as he just sounds completely manipulative.

Gabsalot she didn't really because we were really quick to reassure her because he's always come across as a good guy who's totally in love and also as I said tbh she's a total drama queen although we love her for it.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig I have no clue, I'll give her a call tomorrow evening maybe once she's come to abit and its all sunk in.

DesolateWaist This is going to sound utterly pathetic but I have known him for about 5years and I feel like he's a stranger right now, i have no idea who he is because the person I have met today is not the same person. Personally I think my friend has had a lucky escape, I doubt my cousin is the first there's probably loads. Dickhead

OP posts:
RosieSW · 21/08/2016 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 21/08/2016 23:12

Rosie Star

Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 21/08/2016 23:14

RosieSW said perfectly. I now feel so guilty that when she tried to talk to us we didn't just listen to her instead of telling her she was being silly. It's just because she loves abit of drama and were used to it but she was totally right. She has nothing to be ashamed of, i told her that, we'll all support her through this. He on the other hand should be careful, she's definitely a daddy's girl.

OP posts:
Imgrr · 21/08/2016 23:17

Those poor women, and what a bastard he is.

Million2One · 21/08/2016 23:17

OP,
I'll give her a call tomorrow evening maybe once she's come to abit and its all sunk in

Honestly, I think you should keep out of it. You said in your OP she wasn't your 'best' friend. She has other friends and family. The fact it's your cousin who is the other party in this makes it too muddled for you to be a part of it. I think you should leave her alone.

Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 21/08/2016 23:26

Million2One I was talking about my cousin but yeah I will definitely be giving my friend space and will be there if she wants me to be.

OP posts:
Scrumptiousbears · 21/08/2016 23:38

My friend chucked her ring at her DF in a car park of a nightclub once and I found it in the dark. With a torch on your phone they show up clearly so totally plausible.

Neome · 21/08/2016 23:40

You have helped to stop a variety situation getting very much worse, so glad you have a grounded DH to insulate you from the cheater's raging.

Flowers
Neome · 21/08/2016 23:40

Variety? Very bad I meant, sorry.

RosieSW · 21/08/2016 23:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WannaBeDifferent · 21/08/2016 23:50

Actually I would text your friend - just a quick 'thinking of you ' type thing , I'd be worried she would think I'd dropped this bombshell on her and then dumped her .

PointlessUsername · 21/08/2016 23:51

Wine you totally did the right thing.